Friday, July 13, 2007

Smashed Mirrors!



I hurt a friend once..... and they told me it felt like a beautiful mirror hanging on their wall had fallen down and smashed into a zillion pieces. It was unintentional, and later they realized it was more a case of them hurting themselves, than me hurting them. It all evolved out of a gross misunderstanding.

It is interesting for me to realize how much we can influence our own selves... We believe we are powerless most of the time but it is quite the opposite that is true. We cannot change others but we can change ourselves....we can change how we will react to those out of control things, and in doing so we can actually change the world or "our" world at the very least.

This friend... (whose mirror broke), is someone very dear to my heart. After this incident occurred, my friend went from a place of certainty to complete chaos and confusion. But the point is that they did it all on their own, to themself, without any effort on my part. I was very annoyed at first, and hurt, and could not understand what had happened. We were estranged from each other, very painfully so, and it bewildered me that things could unravel so fast between us. And how a connection and a bond that seemed so strong could so easily come undone! I never understood...

Quite recently however, I psyched myself into a decision I had been avoiding making for several years. Very literally, I convinced myself of something, that in the past, I had analyzed and decided was not something I wanted to do. I did it all in less than a week! I was amazed at this blatant example of mind over matter. I had allowed myself to be convinced. I had cajoled and reasoned with myself until I came up with all the correct arguments to plead my case (to my own self).

After having convinced myself, I set out to act on my decision and pursue xyz. Alas! I failed... miserably. I took the plunge and fell flat on my face. It hurt. My pride was injured and I was thrown into the realm of confusion. What I could not fathom was the sense of loss. Why did I feel that way. I had, after all, taken several days to convince myself to want xyz. Therefore the failure to actually attain xyz should not affect me this much. It nonetheless did. I was perplexed.

Like anything that intimidates me, however, I decided to conquer and tame this beast too! I decided to experiment. If convincing myself that xyz was what I wanted and should have, took a few days.... the recovering over the failure of actually attaining xyz should take equal (if not less) time! I got to work and started unwanting xyz. Would you believe it it worked!

I was devasted one night and then got up in the morning and literally "thought" myself out of my connundrum and presto! It was done. I was fine. Unaffected. Slightly changed (normal wear and tear you see....) but overall fine. It was incredible. I was impressed. Very much so, especially with myself... It was a classic case of "mind over matter"....

Regarding my friend (with the broken mirror) it was the same. They were very fond of me. Then something happened which they completely blew out of proportion and convinced themselves to think a certain way. But that certain way was not necessarily the actual true to life way.... and so they ended up hurting themselves, bewildering me, and creating a "royal mess" of our relationship and things in general! But it all happened because they allowed it to happen, in their mind. Their mirror broke... not because I smashed it, but because they told themself that I did...

They did try (very hard) later on, to recapture what was lost between us. To this day they bounce back and forth unsure. Not quite ready to be here and yet not quite ready to let go. Sort of like Al Pacino said in "Scent of a woman" "did you ever get a feeling that you wanted to go and yet get a feeling that you wanted to stay..."

I now realize why what happened did happen. Why a mirror smashed. Why the peices of that mirror linger still. Why that mirror is put back together.... time and time again.... only to fall apart yet once more.... It is because the cracks still remain. It is because the reflection in it is blurred because of the cracks. It is because life is like a mirror. We think we live in life.... yet the truth is that life lives in us... inside our heads.... inside our perception of it.

Like Plato's cave, what we think is life is merely a reflection of life.... as if in a mirror.... it is merely "our" perception of life....in "our" mirror.... as we see it.... or choose to see it....

I now realize that we create our own heaven and our own hell....

I now realize that we are capable of making ourselves ecstatically happy or unbearably miserable... We are the ones who are responsible. Should we choose to, we can completely alter our life simply by altering they way we think about it. All it takes is the will to do so... and we can think our way into whatever frame of mind we want.

Like a neurologist friend once said to me your real heart lies in your brain! Go on... think your way into what you want. Make your life happier. Make it less complicated. Make it what you want it to be....

Make it mind over matter.

Au Revoir Folks! Until next time...

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well there are several harsh experiences one goes thru in his/her life...there are times when one gets so confused n helpless...nevertheless only situations like these teach you something...one gets to learn how to analyse n how to react.. an opinion is built, be it of a person or the situation...n i guess this is the real development of the person in terms of maturity and growth..

Anonymous said...

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi quoted loosely: "the seat of taste is not in the mouth but in the mind" - the kind of things he ate! NAY relished..."isn't it grand of me to relish that which no one wants!"

...its all the mind babes!

Razmataz said...

Hmmm..after reading your stance of forgiveness..i can understand why you wanted to make up to your lost friend?but you know what..for every thing you want to accomplish put a "stop- loss" cap on it.make it a rule that for everything you really wana get, put your max into it ,if you fall short give it another try with even more zest..with the intrepidity to accept loss..and move on with satisfaction since now the ball isn't in your court..Coz without that second shot you will always live with the regret and lament not trying once more!

Ali said...

firstly..serves you right..lol..bus oonglii rakhi aur kaha ye chahiye.. lol..
second.. damn that must be one damn kool xyz to pass on S.. ;).. haha.. or one hell ova loser.. ..

and look at me commenting on a 2 year old post as if it was yest.

Ali said...

aaaaaaaa.. forgot that followup again

Shahnaz said...

well aisa hai kay haan na- bas ungli rakhi aur kaha yeh chahiyay!!

see interesting thing is that xyz is still very much in the same state of want you but dunno--- lol

the heart is a funny thing... and yes i can actually understand xyz better because i myself have been in that state of want you still but dunno-

so yes i understand my mirror one
and xyz

because i have been in that place myself!

you seem like a heart and soul kinda guy... you should have been there and done that too.... no?

Ali said...

I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE RIGHT!!!!..
haha.. buss abb har koi itna lucky tou nahin ho sakta naa.. :P shahnaz my story is a total plot from a movie.. a script that can only be written once... I fell in love in high school with the most amazing the most perfect girl in the world.. was KRAZZZYYYYY .. unimaginably krazyyyyy///.. ok im not going to share the details about this one and only glorious event of my life like this .. in a commenttt.. BUT I MUST TELL YOU.. its the bestestesttt everrrr.. all my friends everyone from schoolll.. the jaws drop when they hear the story. argh.. okkk im over exaggerating.. but you MUST know the details..

p.s. and WOWssss for me being "a heart and soul kinda guy" .. thank u .. complimentss are soo good to have..

Ali said...

and about what you said..mera rule hai eik.. aur buss eik... what ali wants ali gets..substitute Ali with "S" and enjoy...