Time...

I thought of a nineteen year old today. Giddy with excitement at the prospect of something new and exciting. Confident as she signed, with a flourish, her name on a document that would give her life away. She was in love. But with whom? The man she married? Another...? Or perhaps the idea of love. In retrospect I am inclined to believe the latter.

I thought of the heartache that followed... Of the demise of a dream. The disillusionment and harsh reality, as slowly a soul was incinerated under the dominant subjugation of one life by another. In retrospect I wonder how much resulted as a reaction to my actions... I still do not know.

I thought of the struggle for freedom. Of the long, hard journey that had to be made alone. I thought of the strength that resulted from the experience of suffering and perseverence. The dark hopelessness that gave way to the bright new rays of sunshine. The beautiful friends who stood silently by and gave encoragement... and the carnivorous folks who tore at limb and sinew elated by the sport.

I thought of new beginnings and fresh new loves. Of those who gave me wings to fly and defined me in many new ways. I thought of losses fresh and new. Of friends who survived the transitions and stayed...

I thought of the change of seasons and how far I have come since then. I took a long, deep look within and smiled hard and bright. I saw, no longer a girl, but instead a woman. All grown up.... giddy still, and excited at the prospect of life and fun.

I thought of the passing of time and smiled. I thought of bitterness that failed to take hold, and pessimism that finds no roots. I relished the abundance of hope and optimism that exist instead. I savor the girly exuberance that is my essence still.

I thought.... yes, I thought and I was at peace. If I could do it all over, I would not change a thing.