The Red Tie

(Oil and acrylic on canvas- 2008)


I play games sometimes...

I don't know when I started, or why....
I just know that sometimes these days, I play games. Maybe it is because I am guarding myself against hurt, and playing is easier than truthing. It is less involved. It is more casual. It is less invested.

Or maybe it is because I am scared. Scared to be in a real place with someone I do not know so well. Someone I do not as yet trust. Maybe it is because a game automatically sets the rules. And they are easy rules. Maybe it is because I am a good player- I have fine tuned playing to an art.

I play games sometimes.

The Red Tie.

I saw many red ties that night. And then my eye fell on this one. This particular one.

It was as if all conversation around us ceased to be- for me at least (I cannot speak for him). I played my game. He played back. We were equally matched. It was a draw. That is the thing with games... you only play them with people who are not as good as you. The minute you meet your match you are surprised, intrigued, interested. Game playing denotes a certain lack of interest. It is about boredom. It is about trying to entertain yourself. When the players are matched- it takes them both by surprise. They stop a minute and sit up and take notice. They are curious again. There is no curiosity in game playing. You know the beginning, you know the moves, you know the end. With well matched players- where there is a draw- there is no end in sight. You have to stop playing. To play is futile.

That is when reality sets in. That is when truth comes out. That is when the game stops.

I sat for an infinite amount of time. I gazed into eyes that spoke. Mine spoke back. On occasion we spoke some words. For the most part we just sat and gazed. I searched his soul and saw. He looked through mine. The eye contact was what sustained the communication. I felt the layers of disguises fall away, as bit by bit I returned to being who I once used to be. The skins of time and events and hurts and years scaled off, and I sensed the unguarded me emerge. I felt still. Time stopped. I floated out of myself into a place at once remembered, yet altogether new. If it is possible to feel nostalgic in the moment- that is what I felt. I knew that I would forever feel a nostalgia about this time, this place, this person and I felt that nostalgia in that moment. I was electrified and at peace. I was in the past, the present and in the future remembering this past.... all in that time.

At some point in time there were no words left. We simply sat and looked and took away what was needed. To nourish, to energize, to sustain, to inspire. We broke eye contact, and the communication stopped. The world returned. We walked in the park side by side, in silence. We watched the sun rise. We sat a while side by side. I took the tie. It was freely given. We parted ways and said good bye. Nothing more asked, nothing more given....

Except for,
The Red Tie...