The real me...

I grow sick of people who think they know me. The real me.... the hidden me. ?????
They have no clue who the real me is. We all have facets, and layers, and visages, and several different angles to our prismatic selves. Flash a light through us and we make rainbows. Focus a light through us and we can set things aflame! We are are ever changing. A wise sage once said, "you never throw a rock into the same river twice..." things are in a constant state of flux and change. So you think you know me, well I just changed again.

All of me is the real me. Not only what you see when I am blubbering, or discombobulated. The composed, put together me is me also. The goofball is me. The risk taker is me. The happy as a clam is me. The depressed is me. And the risk averse person is me too. They are my angles, my shades, my layers, my complexities. And they are all 100% ME.

So let's do away with the labels, "real" and "unreal". ALL of it is US, in our various flavors....

KNOWING...

KNOWING
How is one to know of love?
How does one guage it?
How shall one act?
How shall one feel?
How shall one be?
Such was my query?

To know love, one must be love
To guage, one has but to look within
To act without a sense of action, the action acts you
To feel uplifted, giddy... you are lost when you are found
One is... One simply IS
Such was my answer

Have I then loved?
Such was my wonder

I have loved
That was my knowing...
I have had love

My love was beautiful to my eyes
My love was the breath in my lungs
My love was my light, my spark, my joy
We resonated
My love and I...
My love and I spoke for days at a time
My love and I could speak without words
My love and I climbed a mountain, and sat 'till dark
My love and I danced in the moonlight
My love and I painted with vibrant colors
My love and I loved
My love and I were one soul
My love and I were love
My love was love
I was love

Yes I have loved


KNOWING part deux

When talk goes to giving
That is not love
When action demands
That is not love
When taking is for granted
When understanding is asked
That is not love
That is not love

That is a bargain
That is a treatise
That is not love

KNOWING-III

My love is selfish
My love self centered
My living is shallow
My depth is my love
My love I loved
My love loved me

Gar ishq ishq hota...
Sirf ishq hota...

The monkeys on my back!

I am finally aware of the monkeys I have been dragging around for decades now. I had a talk with them recently. I faced them. I know them. But can I let them of my back. Will I let them off my back? One tends to become attached to the baggage we tote around in our lives. It is familiar, it is confortable, it is sucking the life blood out of us!

Having adressed what my monkey's are, the responsibility rests with me to make a change. I cannot hide behind the blame. I have completed my blaming. I have received acceptance of guilt. But what now? There is nothing now left for me to hide behind.

Now it is my choice. Now it is my effort. Now it is my work. Now it is all my doing.... or not. Will I forever stay stuck in the past. Will I forever let my past be my present. Will I forever pollute my future with baggage from my past?

I resolve not to do so anymore. I am scuffed and raw emotionally. I am humbled by my awareness. I am impressed by my own strength. I am going to see this out. I will emerge a new ME.

I am eager to know and explore the new me.
The process has begun.
Thank You L.V.!
Thank You J.A.!
I am just where I needed to be!

Self Centered and Shallow...

I was accused of being both today. And because I had expressed myself honestly.

Apparently,
-voicing my needs,
-and what I am and am not willing to compromise on,
-and refusing to be taken for granted....

Makes me that! Or so I was told.

It is a mightily righteous world in which selfishness demands selflessness.

And guess what? I am "mightily" sick and tired of it!

So dear readers here I am.

Hi, My name is Shahnaz and I am self centered and shallow...

And guess what? I LOVE that about me!

May I forever know what I want,
May I never be afraid to ask for it,
May the awareness of what I will and will not compromise on be mine constantly, and lastly...
May I always be someone who refuses to be taken for granted.

HUGS folks,
I am proud to be ME!