Tuesday, October 20, 2009

At the moment of surrender-

Where will you be?

...when awareness strikes
when the truth finally hits
when you are no longer blind
when clarity bites...

Where will you be?

...when realization happens
when the struggle is futile
when forces are stronger
when surrender is inevitable...

Where will you be?

...when confusion engulfs
when control is lost
when 'flow' is in effect
when you give in at last...

Where will you be?

That is the moment of surrender
That is where you will be
At the moment of surrender
That is where you will be


U2 are my favorite band.
Their words speak volumes to me...
This particular number shakes my very soul.
It is about an recognition, an awareness of reality/truth/inevitability...
You are faced at last with a vision
A vision of yourself
A mirror
That exposes
Your blind spots
And in that moment
You SEE
YOURSELF
And the surrender isn't the seeing
It is what you do after-
It is the recognition
The acceptance
The bowing down with grace
At the stark and biting truth-

Whatever that truth may be...

For me there are many truths
And the surrender happens
Many times
Many ways

Awareness hits

I am actually happy
I am content at last
And the reason it feels off
Is because it is unfamiliar...

Awareness hits

Sometimes I need to stop
Trying to live life on my terms
And simply live it
On "Life's" terms

Awareness hits

Why play games
Why jeaopardize
Why be afraid
Why NOT just live

I know my flaws
I know my games
And if I know
Why NOT just change

Awareness hits
And I ponder a while
Awareness hits
And I surrender...
At will

At the moment of surrender
I am in FLOW
I float along
And breathe real slow

I found myself in a situation this weekend... I was faced with a force stronger than mine. I resisted for a fraction of a second. I tried. I resisted. I realized- it was stronger. I would not win. It was futile. And immediately after. I gave in. I surrendered. And it was sweet. The surrender. My friend was surprised. But the thing is, in life we will be faced with forces that are in our control and those that are not. For those that are in our control... take over. For those that are not. Give over.

Like the SERENITY PRAYER-
God grant me the strength
To change the things I can
And accept the things I can't
And the wisdom to know the difference

U2 sing about addiction
I work with addiction-
WHAT is your addiction?
I know what mine is...
Do you?
We all have an addiction
And we all seek to arrive at a place in our lives where we can finally be at peace with it. Recover from it...Learn how to let it go and yet be mindful that we are NEVER rid of it. We merely become aware of it, mindful of it.... so it does not control us anymore. On the contrary we take charge of it. We change ourselves because we cannot change "it". The surrender is the final awareness. Yes- I DO THIS TO MYSELF. It is the recognition. Because if we recognize what we do.... we actually have to DO something about it then... and that can be hard.

That is the moment of surrender-
That is what sits in the balance
Do we open our eyes
OR
Do we stay blind...
Do we recognize
OR do we avert our eyes

Because if we do
Because when we do
We actually must
DO!
Do something about it...
And that is the surrender

"I was punching in the numbers at the ATM machine
I could see in the reflection
A face staring back at me
At the moment of surrender
Of vision over visibility"

Life is visible- But we must look to VISION- look beyond the obvious, look past the blatant, read between the lines, see the forest and not just the trees...

"My body’s now a begging bowl
That’s begging to get back, begging to get back
To my heart
To the rhythm of my soul
To the rhythm of my unconsciousness
To the rhythm that yearns
To be released from control"

We hide
We fight
We run
From ourselves
The surrender is giving in to ourselves...

"At the moment of surrender
I folded to my knees
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me"

Who are we?
Who are you?
Who am I?

"The stone was semi-precious
We were barely conscious "

What is it that we chase after
What really matters?

"It’s not if I believe in love
If love believes in me
Oh, believe in me"

YOU ARE LOVE!!
Believe in YOU
That is what you seek all your life
The acceptance
It is from yourself
The craving
It is for yourself
The love
It is you
All is you
How can you be anywhere
With anyone
Do anything
If you cannot even
BE WITH YOURSELF
FACE YOURSELF
FORGIVE YOURSELF
LOVE YOURSELF
ACCEPT YOURSELF
KNOW YOURSELF
TRUST YOURSELF

Surrender
Is about a surrender-
To the inevitable
A surrender
...to yourself...
as you are-who you are-what you are
Surrender is about an acceptance of yourself...
And in that moment of acceptance comes change...
The changing from
-who you are/were
To
-who you were meant to be...


Surrender to who you were meant to be-

17 comments:

binary-zero said...

Hi Shahnaz :O OMG i don't believe i'm really talking to the "Shahnaz" :D i just saw the repeat of ABC on Geo and out of no where i thought to search you out on internet and there i find your comments in a blog which lead me here :D

Your acting was great great great and some say i'm still sitting in 90s :D my FB when i saw ABC on Geo was (and actually is) ABC on Geo ~ OMG i'm watching my dream girl again :D

You've got a real nice blog here ...I have subscribed to your blog and will see you around :) btw i would love to have you on Facebook if you can humbly accept my request [even if you don't its okay :) ] - i'm on www.facebook.com/shakeel


thank you for being in our lives :) tc, AH


P.S - since i couldn't find your email, i'm writing it all down in the comment section, please delete it if you like

Unknown said...

hey i hope it doesnt sound rude ,but i need to knw this ,is this the same shehnaz who used to wrk in this drama serial APLHA BRAVO CHARLIE ?way back ,probabli in mid 90's or sumthin !

Mubashir Ahmad said...

hi shahnaz,y dont u write about ur experience,daily routine about ABC.
its mine seconed msg 2 u.
hoping 4 ur rply 2

Shahnaz said...

bravo, ahmed, mubashir

thanks a bundle folks! sorry i haven't written much in the way of replies but i shall get around to tat over the wekend. work has been insanely busy-

Anonymous said...

Hey... great explanation of that song! I had heard the song a few times before and at their concert, but didnt notice it well enough to dig deeper until you posted it on your blog... and then why i looked into the lyrics and meaning.... it just gets better!! now im hearing it 10 times a day :D
My U2 playlist encore is complete... Where the streets have no name, With or Without You and this Moment of surrender... and it feels so awesome when i get back home just as the last song finishes...

US

Xulfe said...

i wonder about the charm i had when watching those abc been tackled tactically by a chishmish. Just an unimaginable charm. i m hoping that face behind those glasses is still smiling.

mehwish f =) said...

god, love the fact that ABC is back on air! hope ure doing well!!

Lost said...

awareness is a curse...

Gazmeer said...

paindoo hoon..itne gare english samjh nhen aate..n well its so much weired around that pain flows everywhere me

Anonymous said...

what is ur addiction shahnaz?

Shahnaz said...

Anonymous-

tell me your name and i'll tell you my addiction!

Shahnaz said...

mubashir

ABC happened 10 years ago-
my experience of the show was great...
loved my cast members...

but what i wrie here is more present to me now...

if there is a specific thought you want answered, ask me-

Shahnaz said...

xulfe-

the face is always smiling- i love to smile :)

Shahnaz said...

mehwish

i am doing well thanks, hope you are too!

Shahnaz said...

lost

ahhh awareness-
it is both a curse and a blessing
once you have it you are stuck/ but you would never again be without it...

Shahnaz said...

gazmeer

i'll try and put in some urdu posts as well... sadly i must write in roman urdu since i do not know how to read or write urdu fluently...

Unknown said...

shahnaz wat r u doing dexe days n where r u nw????