Hope is a four letter word
I have run from me and from my love in circles and finally this weekend I faced it. And it poured out. The pain of it poured out. I sobbed all weekend long. At points I did not even know why I cried- the tears just kept falling. On one such evening, my friend sat close by and hugged me tight and changed the music from time to time and did not intrude, just let me sob it out. I did not plan to cry there. It just happened there. And it was ironic- the venue of my purge.
I was surrounded by walls of a beautiful place. A place I love. A place of both hurt and joy. A place of memories. A place of discovery. I was in the company of someone who incidentally has been present at my most significant life events. It was fitting then, that it was in their presence that the tears came.
The next day, I called my love. But there was none. I was standing alone in a bubble. I realized I have been alone for a long, long time- I just did not know it. It hurt. My heart cracked a little more. I wondered to myself- has there ever been love? And I did not know the answer even to that. I know I love. And now I must let go. Release. And so I do-
HOPE- is a four letter word.
I am despondent.
now...
But there is HOPE for tomorrow.
I am alone.
now...
But there is HOPE for tomorrow.
I have not what I want.
now...
But there is HOPE for tomorrow.
I look around and yet another world, I carefully constructed, falls to ruin. I look on and see the paint peel and the walls decay and the color begin to fade. I stare into what is and know- it is... and cannot hold back the tides of fate. I take a breath and gasp! As it slips away- like life pulled out, untimely, from my being. And it hurts. It hurts like hell... and I am amazed that I can stand the pain. I am facing it. I am surviving it. I am stronger because of it. I am mellowed with the endurance- of love and heartache and loss and pain. It is a more refined me that emerges. It is a person that can and will love with even greater intensity and commitment in my tomorrow.
And yes there is a hope for a better tomorrow.
There is a hope for a reciprocated love.
There is a hope for joy.
There is a hope for wings, again, to fly high- in love- giddy with the intoxication of it.
It is bittersweet, the hope...
And h-o-p-e is a four letter word.
5 comments:
Shahnaz, my sweet dear,
Hope is something which I personally dont hang onto. For me its just a word without meaning. Honey - just LIVE. But dont live on hope. Find yourself happiness but dont expect anyone to give you happiness. Love and rely on yourself more than anything (except God of course). I feel the same way you do but just just dont live on hope, okay honey?
just live - to the max.
Salams Shahnaz, I've been reading your blog for a long time although never got to comment. And I have, in a way felt your despairs and hurt and pain and agony. I know you say you're happily divorced and as you said it, if two people dont get along its much better that they part than just live empty shell marriages. But every woman needs her man and being appreciated is one's biggest emotional need. I know you have plenty of fans and friends and family who constantly support you in every way but you need that one special person in your life who makes it all worth it. I'm in no way trying to lecture you because I know you understand that much better yourself. But it's a thought or suggestion. Not all men are the same and one bad experience shouldn't hold you back from basking in the blessings of a good, solid relationship.
On a tangent, if you can ever find the time, please do check these out. Scroll down a bit to the General and theres a myriad of titles that might interest you. Please don't make up your mind before listening and stereotype as mullah talk.
http://www.edars.com/
take care, duas, wasalams.
P.S: Ill understand if you dont want to publish this comment. It was just for your eyes.
Indeed, you have the spirit for it. It is a matter of how you see yourself and how much intensity, courage and devotion you hold in yourself and I see plenty!
Never force it though. Seek what your heart wants from this moment onwards-- don't give up or the reel of life will play out without you.
Whether you see it or not, you inspire a liveliness in others, which is why we are all here (I hope I'm not too presumptuous in speaking on behalf of the rest of your readers.) You inspire these words in me. That is a testimony to who you are. Do not cry over the lost love of one. You have the love in you to give.
I think it was better to cry once and forget it for the rest of your life!
Now you know that you are stronger than you thought. YOU are strong and can enjoy your life! You just got to believe that!
Everything happens for a reason. There is always is reason for everything.
Yes, I do believe in hope and it keeps us moving and that is the reason for us to look forward to another day :)
Here is a link of the song that I listen to when I feel low. I hope it'll help you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skqUOfEahFM
--Little miss hope
Truly Hope is a magical word , it gives us the courage to face the downside of our life ...
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