Beauty in the breakdown

..."these mishaps you bubble wrap when you've no idea what you're like..."
..."so let go, so let go, jump in..."

And despite all the goodness around me- my heart caves in- and bleeds.
In the midst of all the twinkling lights and music and beauty
I cannot stop my wandering soul that calls out to him
Or the broken heart that still knows his name
Nor the awareness that love does not simply end
When one says
I do not want to be in contact with you anymore...
But what is to be done
When it breaks
It breaks
And as I hold on by will power alone
And walk the lovely streets full of merry making folks
Who glance at me appreciatively
Some even with interest
And some who stop to chat and ask my name
I am surprised
That I am still too much in love to notice
And when my mother calls to see if I am well
And states, "I pray for your heart to find peace"
That is when it happens
The break down-
And my worried daughter asks
"Are you okay Mom? I hope you will feel better soon. I love you"
It happens off and on
Unexpectedly
And catches me unawares
Some days I can
And some days I simply can not
Let go...
Of him
Of myself
Of the pain
...
And let it flow-
Awareness
Reality
Tears
...
If I could
Let go
Of it all
It would be amazing
Because there's beauty in the breakdown
...