Say what you need to say-

AMI- I LOVE YOU
ABU- I LOVE YOU
SHAHAMAT- I LOVE YOU

Over time and across the oceans that keep us apart, I seem to have lost you three. I tried to think of moments I captured as photographs in my head, and things to say to you. In the end it all boiled down to that- I love you...

There is a memory in my head. The color of it is green. I am wearing a red "baji wala dress". It is somewhere in Thailand, and while Ami and Shahamat have gone on up the mountain- my feet are tired and I have stopped halfway there with Abu. It is after I have done battle with a monkey to hold on to my peanuts and it is one of the most peaceful moments in my existence. I am holding my fathers hand and cuddled up in his lap. As I close my eyes, I am 5 again and I can still smell his smell...he smelled of cigarrettes and cologne...

I remember the day I had to go back to boarding school. It is late evening. I am sitting at the hair salon getting my hair done with my mom. She is to fly out of the country the next day and I recall wishing that time would just freeze, and this moment never end. That I would forever feel this safe. There is an anticipation of an achyness that is soon to come, in an hour or so. People leaving...always having to say goodbye and watch the people you love and need the most walk away...She smelled so good when I hugged her goodbye. I smiled and waved her off even as my heart was breaking. The color of this memory is red and blue...

It was late in the evening, I was tired. We had gotten lost this time. Our adventure this day having taken us further than expected. I recall not having ANY DOUBT in my mind that my brother would find the way home. I marched proudly beside him (or tried my best to match his longer stride) carrying my length of coiled rope after the days accomplishments. It is twilight as we step out of the woods, far south of the Highland Hotel and recognize where we are. I recall the yellow color of the street lights. We start the trek up the road that will get us back home. A very relieved Sharran and Sue keep pace and we talk about the parathas that wait for us for dinner...