All I want for Christmas-

All I want for Christmas is this big elephant- that has been sitting on my chest to get the hell off!

Yes. Most days, but especially today since about 4pm it has taken residence and become quite comfortable. And I want it off.

So I was talking with my favorite svede and as is his way, he accepts and listens and comforts me. In his friendship today I found lightness. The elephant moved. I was reminded again that I have the tools to get past this. I need not long for people in whose company I unravel. I need not long for people who break me and are careless with me. I need not long for people who selfishly manipulate me for their own gains. That is not love- that is selfishness. I have perhaps mistaken for love, things that were not actually love. But in so doing I have loved. And my heart is broken as a result of having loved.

To those who are wondering- I am not interested- In a relationship. In dating. In being with anyone at the moment. I am not looking. I do not want it. I have no taste or desire for it. I am merely hurt and lost and I need only to heal. I need the time to me for me and I want to be in the company of my near and dear ones. My friends. My daughter. Myself. I need to do me. I want to do me.

I do not need in my life anyone who isn't accepting of me for who I am, as I am. Please take your leave and do not return. You shall not be missed and I wish you well. Leave and don't ever come back. Thank you very much.

Now, back to more important things. My well being and my sanity. My happiness and my self. Hello world. This is me. I am part crazy, part odd, part weird and all me... And that is just the way I like me. I understand if that is not okay with some of you and I am completely okay with that. The exit is to your left. Please follow the white lights and watch your step as you exit. For the rest of you who do see me, know me , understand me, accept me- Hello! I love you. Now let's get this thing started already... Welcome and you mean the world to me too!

Merry Christmas!