"Clearly you loved him..."
Says a friend to me this morning, after I told him of my little cry on the drive to work. He preceded it with an "awwww"..... and then continues with the whole- "don't worry we'll snap you out of it by taking you out and distracting you while we're in the city..."
I never really understood that one- how does trying to substitute one for another really help in getting you over it? When I am hurting over the one I loved, I don't really want anyone else! I could look into a million eyes and all I will see in them is a familiar shade of blue. I can talk to a million voices and all I will hear is that one voice. I can touch a million faces and all I will feel is that one touch...
I can see where my peeps mean well... but at times I think they completely miss what is needed. What I need is nothing. Merely acceptance for where I am- hurting and trying to make my way, blundering through the darkness on a second to second basis. I take it one moment at a time. That is all I can do. I cherish the peaceful moments and try to remember to breathe and brace myself through the tougher ones.
The city gives me peace. It allows me to be by myself amidst a multitude. I am never alone in my loneliness in New York. I want to sit in a cafe and recall my mistakes so I don't repeat them. I want to gaze upon art and understand myself better. I want to dance myself into oblivion lost in the rhythm of the beat. I want to look at the mad, crazy rush of people who bluster past and be still in it and remember what life is all about-
"Most everything means nothing- except some things that mean everything."(Patti Griffin)
I want to identify those "some things" for myself...
I want to sit in the luxury of the brightly lit holiday elegance that is the vibrant New York beat and I want to lose myself so that I can start to discover me again...
There are two places where I love to be at, this time of year- Paris and NYC. I am glad that I can have that at least... and I am blessed in that.
New York- New York, here I come...
Embrace me.
And bring me back to life again-
3 comments:
I wonder who that friend is..hmmmm....
You have the expectations right for NYC though!
btw, you know when a friend is down and sad...and you know you can't do anything to make them feel better but u wanna do something...so the only thing u end up doing is telling them that its gonna be ok and how can it be ok...
but while we say it, we know it too that its not helping:)
Your only real friend right now is time! Time shall heal!
i know... and thanks so much for everything dear friend. for conversation and laughter but mostly for listening-
and yes- time...only time...
Time Is the biggest healer...
Everything gonna be fine In sha ALLAH :)
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