Friday, December 10, 2010

Pathway to heaven

Angels in my life
I seldom recognize
Constant little treasures
So perfect and so wise...

(My darling daughter sat in the back seat today and chatted up a storm. She gazed at the clouds in the bright, sunny sky and told me she recognized the pathway to heaven...)

Slowly getting to the place where I belong, each day getting closer. I found some solace in myself last night. These games are getting old. The tiresome rigmarole... I need a new guide book, a new set of rules. I started writing them out and hope to put them to good use. Abstractions are wonderful. We can plug in what we like and discard what we don't need.

Again a pilgrim, I smelled the perfume of your house. I saw the black and gold and recalled the magnetic pull that drew me from my bed. You beckoned and I answered your call. Labaik! Into the dark night I came to the lighted threshold of your home. You love me so. And I am so unworthy.

And how long shall I fight in vain? There is no battle to be won. I forgive them all. They did love me and I them, and I no longer hold them at fault. I wish them well. They too deserve their happiness and their earned ration of peace. No more shall I grudge them that. They do what they must and they too have paid their dues...I did not suffer alone. I see it now, the tears that they cried...for them too, it was no cake walk- and yes, they tried.


Go in peace, my dear ones. We walked together once upon a time. You made me very happy and those moments were a pleasure. I can't discount the joy you gave. I can't ignore the laughter. Each and every one of you, at some point in my life, were a treasure...

You deserve the very best that life could have to offer. I wish you well. For ever and ever after-

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You wished them well...they probably got eevrything...did you get anything in return, Shahnaz? did u get wishes? a note of kindness..??

Oh my sweet angel, please stop aching...stop being nice all the time...noone deserves ure kindness except ure beautiful daughter and ure beautiful self...so just stop..


Forgive me for my anonymity and my crazy chain of posts but I honestly can relate to every word of ures and every pain you ache..all i can say...been there..done that...and im tired of being the 'good one' all the time..

it makes me think...

I was nice, i was kind, i forgave the worst of enemies, it was no 'cake walk for me either' - but- what the hell did i get in return...????!?!