Restless

So I have eaten a giant muffin in addition to breakfast, schmoozed and laughed, charmed and flirted, done my work, decided not to study for the damn boards... and I just can't seem to get it out of my system- this restlessness I feel inside. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I have not worked out in two weeks... or at least that is one contributor. Another is the fast approaching boards...regardless-

I want...and I don't know what it is that I want. I know I crave something with all my might, with all my heart and soul I desire- something. I just don't know what that thing is. I have not found it yet. When I do I will be content. I would like to say I am seeking my destiny, and that I have yet to discover it.

I am a restless wanderer- like Viane in "Chocolat". I hear the restless wind call my name. I am drawn to a stormy ocean with a magnetic pull that is hard to deny, because I identify with it- the elemental turmoil reflecting my internal one. I want to stand at the top of a mountain and scream out my lungs and feel small and insignificant beside the majestic rocky mass of the cliff face and sheer drops.

I live on a daily basis but I am jaded I think. My life is too dilute for my taste. The flavor dulled and common. Like drinking wine when what I crave is ambrosia. I am surrounded by common, mundane... I crave more. My evaluative standard is different than the everyday- Like Plato's Cave-

I am stuck in a cave with cave dwellers who see shadows cast on a wall by objects and that is their reality. The are awed and enamored by images and reflections cast by unreal objects and they gasp and clamor in rapt jubilation and call it LIFE! I sneer in disgust at those shadows. My inner voice a keening wail- because I have known the reality beyond the cave, outside the cave... and these shadows are not life-

I want to jump out of an airplane today and free fall- plummet down- just so I can feel the rush of life. I want to run until I can run no more, run until I either find myself or lose myself. It is an existential dilemma of a day today-