how and why...

speak to me of love...

many ask "how do you love me...?"
I ask "why do you love me?"

I left a love recently
he asked me how
he asked me when
he never asked me why...

when i told him why
he did not believe
there was doubt
there was mistrust
and anger born of both

i tire of anger
it is in vain
an overcoat emotion
masking what is underneath

speak to me of what lies beneath
speak to me of the why
i care not for the how...

i love a friend of mine
i love him dearly
he is in love with me
that is his misery
i don't even see him much...

my lover does not see
me or my love
he sees in his jealousy
only the past
he dreams up a future
is angry at the past
but in my present
i am lonely
he is never with me
in my now
in my here
in my present
he does not answer
when i ask him why
he does not hear me
when i tell him why...

he wants to know
how
and when
and where
he does not ask
WHY-

i go to my friend
i tell him why
he is angry too
and he makes me cry
he is in love
that is his miery
i don't see him much...

i love my lover like a woman loves a man
i love my lover like a lifetime of choice
i want my lover
i want him with a free will
i want and i desire
i do not need the man
i tell him why...
but he does not understand

he asks me to speak of need
he asks me how and what and where and when
he never asks me why

i love my friend
in him i can see me
he is like a mirror
to me
we are like railroad tracks
we run parallel but we will never meet
i tell him this
it is no crime to love
another
i do not love him as a woman loves a man
i love him like a breeze that blows across the grassland
i do not see him much...
but there will be others
in whom i will reflect a part of me
i will be drawn to them
i will love them
because they give me back a part of me
because they let me see
another side of me
because they let me be
me
they will come
they will go
i will love them all
like a breeze across the grassland
like a wave upon the sand
never like a woman loves a man

i spoke to my friends the other day
they tell me of need
of the human condition
of hows and whats and whens
but what about why?
no one ever asks that
why?

tell me why?

why must i need
why can't i want
and that be enough
why can't i love
my friend and my lover too
after all i have plenty of love

it is because of the what and where and when
that trouble seeps in
i know this

i know it all
but if you will pause
for just a moment
and give me an ear
an open honest ear

let me tell you why-
please
please understand...

my why-
i  have many
whys...

there is the why of fear
i am afraid if i commit i will lose
lose my freedom
my ability to experience
my life
as i choose and want to

let me tell you another why
there is the why of need
i need my choice
i need my freedom
i need to be me
those are needs
they are not wants

i want my lover
i need me
i want my lover
i need choice
i want my lover
i need my freedom

can my want and need coexist
certainly
i don't want more than my lover
i don't want many lovers
my freedom and choice and me
do not mean much else than just that
freedom-choice-me
simply put
i am a simple me
free to choose free to be
me

and that is the only
the simplest the biggest
WHY-
that is why...

is there someone
anyone
who can understand
me and my why...