back to the start...

I guess I never realized that when I learned the world was round... it also meant that I'd be going in circles my whole life...

Don't get me wrong. I still make progress. I still learn and grow-
But every now and then, I stumble back to a place I have been before... only this time, I know so  much more and understand so much better and I think- If only I knew then what I know now, life would be so different.

It's as if I understand deeper the same situation and this time around I see it in sharper focus. It is bitter sweet because the moment has passed... and I revisit and see the full picture and this time understanding is mine, forgiveness too... and letting go happens and all that remains now is a memory- a little tart, a little sting, a deep breath and then I must let go and move on. If I do not let go I will get stuck. But the letting go- that is the hardest part.

The heart has a desire to fix, to regain, to "do over" and hope for a different outcome. Sadly that is just not possible. The moment has changed, the self has changed, life has changed... And although we find ourselves back at that point-
it is a different time,
it is a different depth,
it is a different dimension,
it is a different self...
and thus-
one must
let go
bittersweet awareness
and smile
and keep walking
knowing that there will be another return
to this same spot
at another point in time
and if it is meant to be
it will be
and if not
it will not
but yes we will find ourselves back at the start
and this time we will see and know and understand

jab tak mainay samjha, jeewan kya hai...jewan beet gaya...

and such is this thing called life
life-a-la shahnaz...
arzoo
justjoo
zindagi teri talaash main
jeewan beet gaya-