the tears that just won't fall

i sat last night and talked of you
with another man
we talked of love and passion
and all the while
i thought of you
i miss you
every moment
i miss you

he talked of his love
and i of mine
we were on a date he and i

i told him of love as i know it
he told me of love as he knew it
we sat and we talked
he and i

he asked me
what i was looking for
i thought for a while
i wanted to say trust
i wanted to say truth
i wanted to say love... but the thing is
none of them are possible
this i have learned

people have to do right
by themselves first
i cannot expect trust
i cannot expect truth
i cannot expect love
if the other cannot give it

they have to want to give
all of the above

so i just said
i want to be...
allowed to be me
all of me
all of the time
that is all i want
and i want passion...

have you had love
and passion?
he asked me
...
yes i have
i stated softly

but i just never was allowed to be me
me- fully and completely

and then he asked me
of my love
if i still loved him
and i said yes

and then he said
why don't you call him

and that's when it happened
that's when i said
i just don't want to...
and it was a revelation
even for me
i-just-don't-want-to...
and it breaks my heart
because i miss him everyday
i hope to see him 
every day
i wish i would...
i wish he'd write or come
or even call
but i changed my number
blocked his email
said goodbye
turned him down
i did it all...
and i love him
and i miss him
but i will not fall again
because
i just don't want to...
and then the tears 
that just won't fall
start to fall
because i realized
i just don't want to...
and that is all