Cut loose

So... amid new beginnings,
I came to a dead halt!
Crashed into the wall
No time to cry out or call
On strength
To brace myself for the fall
The plunge
Into the abyss
Of grief...

I do not want to let you go!

My soulmate
Or so you seem
To me...
My tormentor
My betrayer
Lying bastard
Heart breaker!
But
Nonetheless
My love...

bewafa say bhi pyar hota hai...
yaar kuch bhi ho yaar hota hai...

And I came to the awareness and understanding that try as I might. Do what I will- my heart has a mind all its own and it tricks me, it BETRAYS me! It will NOT LET ME MOVE ON!!! It holds on to YOU- you lying, cheating, fighting, mistreating, screaming bastard- YOU!!!

And now as I try to crawl forward on my hands and knees... I feel sort of "cut loose"... from you, from me. And it is probably because that heart you broke, that heart you took, and tore and bruised and kicked and ripped apart... that heart still is with you. And it would seem- if I am to feel at all- with my heart, it feels through the memory of you...as it did last night and the pain was...
excruciating-

I am exhausted.
I am drained.
I cannot fight.
My love for you...
It just breaks me in two-
And so for the present...
because I feel again
I FEEL YOU
And so
I weep
Until...

Silence and frost and numbness take me again....