An angel departs- SHAIMA of Gaza

July 26 2014- July 30 2014

SHAIMA of Gaza

Not just a number

Not just some dates

Not just another statistic

Not just a name

She was a baby

She was a human

She fought for life

5 days...

5 days?

5 days!!!!

Her lifespan-

Five days

F

I

V

E

DAYS

I remember my daughters face

The day she was born

I remember my heart swell with love

At her beautiful face

I remember seeing Shaima's picture

I remember my heart swell with love

I looked at this innocent emblem of love

I sensed her fragrance

I sensed her soft cheek

I wanted to hold her

And keep her safe...

Alas!

She's gone.

This bundle of love

She's gone

This angel of grace

Heaven open wide

Let my tears pave her way

Let my love be her shroud

As she finds her resting place...

Too much hate

Too much hate

Heaven have mercy

On her murderer's fate

After the torment in my soul subsides

Only silence remains

Just my words by my side

And her picture in front of my face

And I a heap on my bedroom floor

And my bug by my side

As tears stream down both our faces

This angel

Our heart

Our soul

Our love

Personified

An angel departs

5 days was her reign

An angel departs

In my heart she'll remain

An angel departs

No amount of hate

Can overcome my love for her

My angel

My SHAIMA

Of Gaza...

How much pain?

How much pain

Can a human sustain?

The loss of home,

Of limb,

Of child?

Of father

Mother

Brother

Sister?

A neighbor

A friend

A stranger

1000 humans?

How much blood

Will it take to appease

How much injustice?

Can a human sustain?

I scream

I cry

I can't eat

Or sleep

All fades away

All that remains

Is Gaza-

Gaza burns

Gaza bleeds

Gaza weeps

Gaza screams

And yet...

Gaza sustains

-

A crown of thorns was placed

On the brow of Jesus

Baby Moses cast off in a basket on the Nile

Mohammed saved by a spider's web

And still they fight-

How much fight

Can a human sustain?

I find my heart melt

And pray for mercy

For the oppressor

For I am afraid

For what will await

When justice delivers

How much justice 

Can the cruel sustain

In my pain

As I break

And yet I sustain

I pray for Gaza 

And for the blessings of heaven to shower

The sweet faces in death

As if asleep

Some stilled in pain

May the angels welcome

With songs of praise

The innocent

To heaven untimely sent

In my pain

No anger here...

I pray for the cruel 

For them let there be

Mercy from Heaven

Have mercy on them Lord

May the angels whisper mercy 

And stay their murdering hands

 

How much mercy

Can the cruel sustain?

I have a heart...and it is broken

It is Sunday afternoon,

I did not attend our company party last night-

My body gave out.

I just don't have celebration in me right now.

What I have is a lot of grief.

A lot of pain.

A lot of sadness.

I went to the gym yesterday, the only sanity I have left anymore. I find that as I strengthen my body I strengthen my soul.

I lift iron because I am impotent and unable to lift humanity.

I run on the eliptical, because I want to run away from a world that is silent. 

And those that speak, while trying their best, have failed to stop this massacre in Gaza. 

Yoga teaches me how to breathe in stressful positions and I find it difficult to breathe of late...

-it hurts to breathe while blood is pouring out of Gaza faster than the sweat I feel on my forehead as I workout!

I have survivor's guilt some say. Perhaps I do-

I also have latent shame because no matter how many petitions I have signed or how many people I have asked for help, I have failed... Humanity has failed.

I have failed my brethren. 

I have failed humanity.

I, a human. With heart. Have failed to move humanity to end the bloodshed.

I got home yesterday after the gym and my body collapsed.

I read about the Greek Orthodox Church inviting the Muslims to pray there and my heart saw the beauty in some of us. We can live in peace, I thought...

I heard Israeli's calling for death to Arabs and I see cruelty in the rest of us. No peace there, I thought...

And then there is indifference. Some just turn a blind eye and look the other way.

What hope for peace when people fail to realize how connected we all are as a human race, I thought...

-My daughter, with her dad for Eid, calls to tell me she loves me. She knows I'm broken on the inside. "Are you okay mom?"

-My mom calls and says she noticed I was online. She was up to eat before fast and decided to ring me- she says, " you are taking it all too close to heart...you you okay?..." 

-My boss emailed- "we missed you, I hope you are okay..."

All people who love me.

All who care and want to know if I am okay.

But I can't say I am okay.

I can't.

I am not okay.

I am broken. 

Devastated.

 Lost. 

Impotent

Useless

Unable to help...

The helpless-

I have not taken it too close to heart...

I simply have a heart...

I just have a heart

And it feels

So

Full

Right 

Now-

Scores massacred in Gaza

Innocent babies

The Israeli Navy bombs children playing on the beach!

Others are burning in the streets

There are babies dying

Broken humans everywhere

No humanitarian relief in sight

Hospitals bombed!

In Israel, I read tweets that maliciously declare

"No school in Gaza tomorrow, all the children will be dead..." 

These followed by thumbs up signs because apparently that phrase rhymes in Hebrew and was considered a clever pun on words!

Palestinian Israeli's beaten into unconsciousness by lynch mobs in the streets in Israel while police looked on and did not call an ambulance. 

Passers by, with kind hearts, carried the wounded to hospitals...

No.

I am not okay.

All I am is heartbroken.

All I have is a heart.

I just have a heart. 

And it is broken...

Shaima of GAZA

Little beautiful ray of light

Into a cruel dark world arrives

Ripped from comfort

Shoved into

Fire, metal, gunpowder and dust

This heavenly child

Orphaned-before birth!

Innocent and bright

Breaks what's left of my heart in two

Her sweetness melts 

My heavy heart...

Her soft delicate fragile essence

So strong

SO VERY STRONG!!!

The fucking bastards

Could not conquer this 

Fragile innocent light

Those COWARDS claim strength and courage....

SHAIMA IS STRENGTH AND COURAGE

PERSONIFIED!

I hold a mirror up to them

They-

In tanks and boots

And helmets clad

Behind their  armor

They scream and jabber!

Salivating 

Tasting blood

SHAIMA is the nectar of the gods

Innocent

Fragile

Vulnerable

Fragrant

Gentle

Human

LOVED!

While Gaza Burned...

Is there morphine

For my soul?

Will it ever

Make any sense?

Blood and carnage

Evil's splendor

Run amuck

Hyena's jabber

Rape and pillage

Break and burn

Mothers scream

Babies torn

And in the silence

They look on

The bastards 

We picked

To rule 

And called our own

YES WE CAN!

Murder

Pillage

YES WE CAN-

Break and burn

Sons of bitches

Sit and talk

While cities crumble

The people gone

Little angels voices

Silenced

No more to laugh

No more to play

Only shadows 

Left behind

Where once

The four kicked a ball

In play, along the shore

On a beach

In burning Gaza

Shot down 

Bombed down 

Cut in half

Literally,

Cut in half!

Only dust and rubble

Now

Where once he searched

For loved ones fallen 

Sniped in cold blood

Just a civilian 

In search of family

In the rubble

Of his home 

Sniped down

Not once

But twice

For good measure

Sniped down

To the ground

In cold blood

While the snipers

Call themselves the victim

VICTIM!???

The snipers

Scream injustice?

Who shall call

To justice then?

Criminal

Is each one here...

The sniper

The bomber

The ruler 

THE SILENT!!

When the silent

Sat and watched

The World Cup!?!!!

(Germany won...)

WHO CARES!!!!

While Israel perched

Atop their hill top

Cheering on

In Sderot

While bloody murder

Was carried out...

In Gaza

And Gaza BURNED!

As the world

Looked silently on

...

Is there morphine 

For my soul...

Will I again

Ever be whole?

Dreamers unite!

"I have a dream" he said....

"Imagine...." He sang 

"Cos we all live under the same sun...why can't we all live as ONE" he sang

Dreamers unite- #HelpGaza

We must press for PEACE!

Things you can do-

Counsel those with anger that their anger is just but must not take away their HUMANITY! Their anger should fuel their compassion for the victims. 

Not lead them to retaliate with more aggression in word, action or deed!

We will protest with compassion! For humanity!

We will set an example!

There are good people, sane people on BOTH SIDES! We will listen to the anger and counsel for PEACE.

There is so much hurt around us. We must be sensitive to ALL who are hurting and help each other when we falter. We must BE the change we wish to see. 

We must embrace all voices of HUMANITY and let sane people EVERYWHERE unite as ONE voice for an end to this madness and carnage!

My fellow Counselors- I again call on you. YOU ARE NEEDED IN THE PEACE MAKING PROCESS. 

You have a voice- use it! COUNSEL FOR PEACE!

My heart and I are friends

There are these moments in life- moments of polarity, moments that define us-

When we learn what we are and what we are not. What we believe and what we do not. What is right and what is not. Moments that teach us the "who" and the "what" we are! 

Moments in which our courage and convictions are formed out of which our courage emerges. 

It is a process of deep internal struggle, of facing our demons, our anger, our hatred and our loathing and deciding what we will do with it. Looking at our choices and then making one.

It is precarious, that moment of choice....

To do the RIGHT thing and still be true to your heart and not betray it.

For me, doing the right thing means I will not become like the evil I oppose but I will not befriend it either-

As a result I am true to myself and my heart and I are friends!

Asim my dear friend, this one is for both you and I today. We both had to face our demons and then some. I hope you will see what I mean when I write this-

#Fight4Peace #HelpGaza

Peace and blessing-

Warfare- people vs. humans

There comes this point in a conflict where both sides start to look the same. There is hatred and anger on both sides. It's the brink of madness because there is no way of knowing who is in the right anymore. In that madness is a strange clarity. You don't see a right side and a wrong side but you do begin to identify who is acting with right heart and awake conscience and who is not. That state I think is our HUMANITY. I think that state is what Rumi meant when he wrote 

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" doesn't make any sense."

I have a feeling that is what peace is...I have a feeling that is what my ONE human race concept is, like Rumi said "each other" doesn't make sense because all are equal and ONE. There us no "other".... I think humans know of peace. 

I think there are 'people', and then there are 'humans'. I think it is impossible to expect 'people' to make peace. I think HUMANS need to work on the task of making peace.

I think people must first make peace with their demons in order to become human. I think hatred is a demon. I think love and understanding heals hate.

I think a lot of 'people'will laugh at me and call me a dreamer. 

I think the 'humans' will understand what I say...

#peace #helpGaza

How to save a life

The universe works in funny ways...

I remembered this just now 

"He who saves one life, saves the world entire..." It's from the Talmud! It got me thinking-

When did it start? This whole hate thing? And why?

Read the saying- isn't that what every religion preaches? Every spiritual path? Everything sacred states that message-

Save a life! Save it! Not take it!

I think for a minute and realize there I was caught up in reactive anger. Reactivity born out of years of socialization. What if I was just me today- not my reactive past but my authentic present!

And then I wept. Because I too have hated and I too have angered. Against Israel. But what if I forgave myself? And what if I forgave them? And what if I stopped angering and hating and just felt hurt at this senseless destruction? And I wept some more and finally arrived at my first moment of peace in days and it hit me/

Peace comes from loving and forgiving and owning our mistakes when we have made them. In angering and hating I became just like what I am angry at! That can't be right! That is why this madness continues. I must ask forgiveness instead for hurts I may have caused. I have to start to be the change I wish to see happen...only then does the world change

It isn't easy- but it is the only way.

To my fellow Counselors- An appeal for help!

Devastation looms in the the wake of Israel's "Operation Protective Edge" and my heart literally hurts. It is a dull ache that will not go away and I find myself scrambling to do anything and everything  I can to bring about an end to this madness.

This is not a political post. This is not a religious post. I am not particularly fond of either politics or religion. Frankly both religion and politics are the biggest perpetrators of aggression in my opinion. The amount of bloodshed in the name of both religion and politics is unbelievable and yet there is an even bigger killer than both combined. That, killer my friends, is silence and inaction.

Silence and inaction in the face of wrongdoing is an even bigger crime than the aggression itself. Because it strengthens the aggressor and makes them more confident while completely breaking the spirit of those transgressed against.

Like I said earlier, I don't understand politics. And I am no politician! But I am a counselor and I understand the psychology of aggression and oppression. It is an insidious weapon, more debilitating than any bomb. A bomb kills and then is done. Psychological aggression and oppression renders any form of a normal existence impossible for those still alive and breaks the very fabric of a human society. That I understand all too well because I am a therapist. Therapists are still healing the wounds of the victims from other times of psychological aggression and oppression.

For me what is happening in Palestine is personal. Not because of race or skin color or ethnicity or religion. It is personal because I am a HUMAN. What happens to humanity is personal to me!

My appeal is not to politicians and religions. My appeal is to my fellow Counselors. My appeal is to their humanity. My appeal is for them to wake up and take a moment to see the madness of what is going on. 

I have the utmost respect for a soldier, ANY soldier! Both sides are THE SAME. A soldier bears arms to protect what he believes in. Both sides have a right to their beliefs. That is not the point! The point is when the passion of that soldier is manipulated by the policy makers to thier own ends. A silent humanity is not an effective democracy. We only create an imbalance of power in such a system. 

Think in terms of human factors psychology for a moment- apply that concept to the situation in Gaza. Let's play what if...

What if we were free to express our opinion of what is happening on the ground there in Gaza without being afraid of coming across as "anti" something?

What if we were free to have access to an unfiltered and unbiased media so that we had accurate information?

What if we realized that every human life is valuable- a Palestinian's and an Israeli's?

What if we just focused on that? And what if we made every "what if" mentioned here a reality? 

That is possible! It is in our power to educate ourselves and speak up and gain access to the truth, not just allow ourselves to be spoofed by a filtered and biased media.

Those what ifs are questions that Counselors are uniquely  qualified and able to consider at present, because we are healers, and experts at conflict resolution! Because we know of empathy and can understand both perspectives.

I appeal to my fellow healers-

I have had enough of war. Let us let the weary soldiers rest. Let us hold the line. Let us heal instead.

Please help me!

7/4/2014

Where you invest your love, you invest your life...

A day laden with memories and meaning, this fourth I find I am chained by nothing.

True freedom is being yourself completely and being okay with it. True freedom is owning yourself- your decisions, your choices, your mistakes and your life. True freedom is recognizing that you and you alone are responsible for everything that you let into and out of your life. 

It has been a journey getting to this place but it was worth every struggle and hurdle along the way. Every tear I shed taught me something and every scuff and blister made me stronger. 

When you get there you know it-

I am home!

And home is beautiful.

I am free!

And freedom rocks!

I am me!

And me is the only thing I ever want to be.

Happy Freedom!