Live out loud! 💀

Sometimes when the wind blows

You must dig your heels in

Tuck in your chin 

And weather the storm

The brave know this fact

The anxious fall apart

Life has it all

Laughter

Love

Agony

Adversity

Loss 

Success 

And so much more

Try not to get too attached to any of it

All are temporary-

Life is about living

That's right living is present tense

Be in your present state

Completely

Whatever that state may be

Live out loud!

The plight of the world

I find myself at times disgusted and at times overwhelmed because of the plight of the world...

Disgusted because I "expect"... (The devil of all emotions is that-expectation) a higher standard of conduct from a human. Overwhelmed because of the cognitive dissonance created in my mind as a result of the actual reality of this world and it's contradiction with my expectation.

I am in a bit of an existential dilemma here. Must one be devoid of all expectation? I am struggling with accepting the massacre of humans as a normal reality. While it is prudent to accept reality as it is, is it not criminal for me to accept this massacre? I am dealing with the reality that so many are already dead, but how is one supposed to deal with the reality that so many are still going to be dead because war wages on?

I have turned to spirituality and psychology and all state that balance comes from acceptance of our limits. But what if you wanted to push those limits? What if some of the limits we are expected to live in are the very ones that have allowed such carnage to perpetuate and grow.

I turn to Darwinism and the animal kingdom and what I see happening in the world is something WORSE than what happens in nature. In nature, survival of the fittest and natural selection are at least in balance and proportion.

In the homo sapien species a systematic process of elimination to the point of near extinction is being carried out. Psychologically speaking, a psychopathic breed of ruthless human is being steadily fed on the blood and flesh of the non psychopathic.

What happens in the end. What if all are eliminated except for the psychopaths?

Will they not turn on each other? They most assuredly will.

In the end the most bloodthirsty will remain and naught else.

It makes me a little less concerned with mundane things like wealth and social status. A lot more attuned to love and loved ones and the beauty surrounding me that is this life and the beautiful world we live in. There is a strange peace in that beauty and that understanding that brings some semblance of "acceptance".

If all is for naught, then I'd rather have loved than be rich. I'd rather have felt and expressed than held it all in. I'd rather have seen this beautiful earth and tasted life and lived... 

Truly 

LIVED

While I still have life-

For Bug- with love...

You'll be okay

My little bug

You're all bewildered

And confused

And this big world 

Before you looms...

But I know this

You'll be just fine-

You may struggle

And even fall

Win a thing or two

And sometimes lose

Get things right

And make some mistakes

Lose your way

And find it back

Get derailed

And crawl back on

But in the end

You will see

You will triumph

And be who you were 

Always meant to be

This I see

Because in you

I see courage

I see strength

I see talent

And wisdom...

All heaven sent

I see joy

And a heart so sweet

I see mischief

And playful tricks 

I see passion

And headstrong willfulness

I see defiance

And stubborn spirit

I see love

And vulnerability

I see anger

And forgiveness 

I see a maiden

Ready to blossom

I see her flexing her wings for flight-

And yet,

I see you hesitate 

Looking back my way

Somewhat fearful

Of what lies ahead

I see curiosity

And willingness to risk

To take that chance

Come what may

I see balance

And most of all-

I see you just need

To trust YOURSELF!

You will always have my love

You will NEVER be alone

When there is no one

You will still have YOU

And the big guy in the sky...

And so I know 

You'll be okay

I 

Love

You

How?

Tell me how...

To go about my day

To look the other way

To forget

The deaths 

The hunger

The pain

Show me how...

To silence the screams

In my head

The broken 

The dying

Keening and crying

Teach me how...

To turn this heart to stone

Not to worry

Or to mourn

The loss of life

Liberty

Freedom

How?

...

It dies

My soul...

If

I do

Please explain

HOW

You live

With this

And look

Away?

How

Can 

You

Look

Away

Live on

Forget

Them...

Yes

Them...

They who die

Still

In

Gaza

SouthWest & NorthEast

"SouthWest actually means something...what does NorthEast mean?" He asked

-it's a storm- I thought to myself

-a powerful wind, with a storm in tow

-it rages- I thought to myself

-a tempest, ready to blow-

In a world gone mad we crave love

The desire to live and taste life

Raw

Undiluted life

When blood flows freely and the wolves tear at flesh

The lovers want to fall 

Before they perish

To taste a kiss

To make love

To scream in ecstasy 

Before he comes

The grim reaper

At our doorstep

Rap rap rapping

Saying it's time to go

When terror prevails and justice is blind

When the criminal is king

And the innocent lie dead

The lovers want a taste of life

Before it's gone

And it is too late

A house will be rubble

Money lost in the wind

Things that we hoard

Naught will remain

When water is scarce

For what will you thirst?

When you toil at your desk

What have you really earned?

The lovers just want a place

A look

A touch

A kiss

A taste

Of life!

Before it's too late

South west means a lot, I know...

But...

A Nor'easter is a storm

Raw passion you know...

Unleash it 

Feel it

Let it run amuck

Fall into it

Let it break you

Accept it 

Let go

"The wound is where the light enters"

Said Rumi, you know...

In a world gone mad

The lovers are sane

In a world at war 

Make love, not hate

SouthWest is a dream

A desire

A need

NorthEast is the passion

That will get you there-

Surreal world

It feels surreal some days

The madness all around

Death all around

And yet it is life as usual

I awake

I work

I sleep

It feels surreal that I have water

And some don't

I turn off the tap and think a while

It feels surreal

This life I have 

I feel it as if for the first time

The air as I breath it in

Through my nose

The feel of fabric on my skin

And then it comes

This overwhelming rush of love

For life

For everyone and everything

And then after any rush comes the crash

I face my loneliness

It sure would be nice to have someone

But not just anyone

Someone who knows and understands

Love

And life

Someone true

Someone more than just someone

The one

On that note I stop

There is someone I seek

And I shall find

And when I do

I will know

Until then

There's love 

And life

And a world

So surreal

These songs of Freedom...

The saddest moment of my day happened at the end of today-

At the gym as I'm working out, (the gym.... The only place that keeps me sane these days), I got to talking with G, a  man who also works out there. 

He's a big guy, well built and towers over me. He talks to me with the utmost respect, does not hit on me and actually sees me as another human being and not a piece of meat.

Inside his chest beats a sweet and compassionate heart. He has the gentlest eyes and is very soft spoken. I  like G. I respect G. 

He sees me beasting it out and throwing weights around and he asks 

"why are you training so hard?"

I tell him I'm not training. I'm angering today, because of all the many things that are unjust. We get to the topic of #Ferguson and his brow furrows. 

"You know," he confides after he heard me rant for a bit,

 "I'm scared. Sometimes I see a cop on the road next to me and I'm scared and I think- oh shit, I hope he don't pull me over. I hope he don't think I'm bad and shoot at me if he pull me over."

I felt my eyes well up with tears.

You see, G is a black man...

"It's not right G." I tell him. "It's fucked up! You should not have to be scared" 

This beautiful, peaceful, sweet soul should NOT have to be scared. But he is-

Because we live in an age where despite all the progress we have made the insidious vibes of hatred and racism run deep. Where the concept of supremacy is based on the color of your skin.

"I'm so sorry," I say- "it's fucked up!"

"Don't be sad, I didn't mean to make you sad" he comforts me.

"I am sad, not because of you but because it's fucked up" I sniffle.

"You know you the only white person that asked me about it." He says after a while

"I'm not white G. I was born in Uganda. In Africa."

"For real?!" And he breaks into a smile...

"Yup yup" I smile back.

"You know what?" I say,

"It's red..."

He looks at me for a bit and then smiles. He gets it. 

"Yes it is. It is for sure!"

We say goodbye. 

It's red-

Blood!

 

Yours 

Mine 

G's

It's red...

No one's any better or superior-

But race is about divisions

Because divisions empower profiteers

Hatred is taught 

And learned 

I wonder why so many are SHEEPLE 

And don't get it?

How long will they kill our prophets

While we stand aside and look...?

Won't you help to sing

These songs of freedom...

They're all I ever had-

Redemption songs-

These songs of freedom 

No one is ever FREE until ALL of us are free.

Enough is enough. 

We have to stand up for freedom

For all

JUSTICE for all

So that a SHAIMA won't die in Gaza because she was born on the wrong side of town...

Nor a Mike Brown in Missouri

And a gentle, sweet man won't have to worry that he might be mistreated because his skin is darker than mine...

Won't you help to sing...

These songs of FREEDOM!

 

#justice4MikeBrown

#FreePalestine

For Gaza- For freedom!

I believe in what my heart feels and my soul speaks more than I believe in the words of con men-  

And my heart feels for Gaza and my soul screams for their Freedom!

"We teach life..." (Gaza)

Sumoud...

Steadfastness.

It has been a very difficult month. My heart has been bleeding since Gaza started bleeding. In one of my darkest moments of despair I write to Hanya-

"I am broken..."

She wrote back-

"You love them... They will feel your love..."

 

They have taught me how to live!

Gaza

Palestine

I want you to know

You do teach life!

You have taught me how to live...

Out of the implements of destruction you create art.

In the rubble you find treasures.

In darkness you brought light

Where there was only black and white and dust, you brought flowers.

When there was no chalk you wrote with your tears.

In the ruins of your home, you made another home...

You are the people of legends

You are the Phoenix rising from the ashes

...

You teach LIFE!

The little boy who held his daddy's glasses...

He can't be more than 4

The little boy

In tears

With his daddy's glasses

Clutched tightly in his hand

His other hand 

Gripping tight

His fathers shirt-

He looks up in fright 

His father lay

Silent.

Cold.

Still. 

In death!

The same repose

For his kin

His brother as well

Same silence

Same stillness

Same death

Untimely

Unnatural

Cold and cruel...

Unkind

The little boy

With nothing left

Except for his daddy's glasses

Only slightly bent

Clutched tightly

In his tiny hand

The little boy with his fathers glasses

For him tonight I wept

With him tonight I wept

He shall not go

Unknown by me

His story too

I shall tell

I once looked upon

The little boy who held

His daddy's glasses in his hand

The little boy from Gaza

The man with the broken child in his arms

I don't know their names, but I will not let them be just another number, just another statistic!

They have a story- each one of these humans...

I don't know their lives but I see the stories their faces tell me.

I will tell their story-

They haunt me, these beautiful faces. Their nobility and courage....They bring me to tears. My heart cracks open to receive them. 

This is the man with the broken child in his arms. His face says it all-

Utter disbelief!

He does not look at the child,

He cannot...

But he holds the child with such tenderness

His right hand circles the child's wrist

There is such love and shock

And loss...

He is lost

Him in the foreground

The child broken- gone...

Them in the background in ragged clothes

Barefoot 

One in the background with another wounded in his arms

In this world of dust and madness

Their life!

Their reality!

He is in my heart tonite, 

The man with the broken child in his arms

They all are

The bleeding, the broken...

The dying, the dead...

The living and grieving

My brothers 

My sisters

Whose blood 

Like mine

Is red-

The humans in Gaza...

The abyss

It's dark and confusing

In the abyss

It makes no sense

In the abyss

We breathe

We eat

We sleep 

In the abyss

We work

We fuck

We love

In the abyss

There's money

And power

And lies

In the abyss

There's music

And laughter

And sunshine

In the abyss

Some days it's warm

And some days it's cold

In the abyss

Some days we know

And some days we don't

In the abyss

I am lost

In the abyss

I see others

In the abyss

Some see me

And

Some don't

I see some

And

Some I don't 

In the abyss

It is confusing

Some want one thing

Some another

Some take 

And

Some give

In the abyss

I think the abyss 

Is inside of us

More so than us

Inside of it

Zoom in 

Zoom out

Try to capture 

The right frame

Does the abyss 

Consume us?

Or we it?

It's dark and confusing

In the abyss

There's light and laughter 

In the abyss

How can it be be dark

And yet there be light

But it is so...

How can there be light

And yet it's dark

But it is so...

This abyss

Confuses me

Am I dark? 

Or am I light?

Am I both?

Am I the abyss?

I think I am

Both dark

And light

I think am

The abyss

And it is I...

This abyss

Confuses me

But I feel

There's more

To you and I

Than this

Abyss...

I think there's more

Than truth and lies

Than light and dark

Than you and I

I think there's 

Us

And 

We

And not just

Me!

But I think

Too much

In the abyss

The boy with the cat-

There are some glimpses of events in life that will tear apart your soul...

Rend your heart in two.

SHAIMA of Gaza is such a glimpse for me...

And today, it was this boy with a cat-

@Belalmd12: Sleeping on the floor at Shifa hospital was this kid. The only thing that survived from his home was his cat. #Gaza http://t.co/KGv9pPYvFU

I found this on Twitter.

His cat, the only thing that survived from his home...

And he asleep on a cold stone floor...

Alone with his cat

The animal held close in his embrace

The extent of his loss so poignant on his face- even in sleep.

His body language screaming out

What his voice cannot.

The dust and rubble and gunpowder still visible on his sandals...

Oh........

That floor so cold

In a world so cruel

May his dreams be beautiful

And filled with love

May his loved ones visit

To kiss his cheeks

May his mothers embrace

Keep him warm in his dreams

May he find play and frolic that his young years deserve

May his slumber have songs from angels themselves

May his sleep give him a brief respite

From the cruel world he will find when he awakens 

My prayers and heart are with this beautiful child

Asleep with his cat

On a cold stone floor

With the dust of war on his sandals

In Shifa hospital

The boy with the cat

From Gaza

Help

Gaza

Please

...