Friday, July 8, 2016

This is my skin- the one I was born in

Today I learned anew about hate
Today I was reminded again that while I try to practice love...
Some only feel hate
Today I saw the insides
Insides of people I call friends 
Today I learned that while I am called friend
My friends cannot love me
Or my color 
Or my skin 
Today I learned that hate is colorblind
But that the colorblind 
Can still see the color 
White
Today I felt the racial divide
And I was still so surprised
That the blood of colored folk
Is cheap
Today I learned that some
Are blind
They will deny
The truth of their eyes
It is easier 
To dehumanize
And blame 
A victim
For their own execution
Today I heard an argument
That exhausts my soul
Today I was told
Of the difficulty of a cop's job
I was reminded that 
They risk their lives 
Everyday
And they would not listen 
That it's a fact
I do not deny,
Never have, in fact
A cop is brave
A cop risks all
A cop's life is of value
I honor them
Their life is of value
And so is the life
Of a brother 
Who too was slain,
But yet again
The same refrain
"He should have listened...
Should have done as he was told"
And even as they speak
They do not listen
To the pain
Of my brother 
To my pain
And today I wondered
When it was thrown in my face
"Do you realize how dangerous it is to be a cop?"
And I asked
"Do you realize how dangerous it is to be black, or brown?"
Being a cop is a choice, you see
It is chosen knowing well the risk it entails...
You are trained
You are paid
To be a cop
You choose it and are under oath to serve and protect 
All
Black and brown as well as white
Do you realize how dangerous it is to be colored?
To be in my skin? 
It is my skin
The one I was born in
And I am enslaved
And hunted and discriminated against
And I'm damned if I don't
And damned if I do
Because of the color of my skin
But they would not hear me...
I wept for my brother and for another human brother- a true cop, a protector 
But they could not even weep for me
Or for my brother 
Only for those
They chose 
And yet
My brother they never chose 

Today I wonder...

How can you call me friend
If you do not see me
And my skin
It is my skin
The one
I was born in
You say you do not see color
The color of skin
Claim that you are colorblind
And yet you see white
And you see blue
Selectively colorblind...
Is what that is

Today I wonder...

How can you call me friend
If you cannot feel my pain
Or my outrage
If I am disenfranchised from my grief
Because you claim
Yours deserves more fame

Today I wonder...

How can you claim
I am as free and equal
When you laugh and blame
When those of color like me are slain
And the only pain you feel is for you
And you challenge
Even my right to mourn
My fallen brother
As well as the cop
Who is fallen
And whom I honor and mourn 
Equally
I only question the cop
As is my right to question 
The cop-
Who should always be
Only my brother's defender
And not the one at whose hands 
My brother is slain

Today I wonder

If I can feel for both
Equally
And mourn both
Equally
Then why is it impossible
For you 
To do the same
Why are you
Unable to mourn
Equally
For me
And my color
And my skin 
The one that I was born in

It is the only one I have
It is mine
To live in
Everyday

And since
My friend
You cannot
See me
Or my color
Or my skin
Today I honor
Myself
I honor my
Skin
And that of my brother
Today I write for that purpose 
Today
I honor
The truth
That I am not
Colorblind
Today I honor
The truth
That this is my skin
And it may hold no value
For you
But that minor detail 
Can never
Devalue
My color
My honor
My skin
The one 
I was born in




Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Alton Sterling

There are events in life that are physically far removed from you and yet they are so personal that they cause your knees to buckle underneath you, crippling you emotionally, physically and mentally.

Events that leave you debilitated with shock
anger
grief
horror
disbelief
disgust
more anger
rage even
and pain...

So
Much 
Pain

#AltonSterling

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Baby can I hold you tonight

Songs that tug at my heart 

...baby if I told you the right words at the right time you'd be mine...
Tracy Chapman

I sit with the quiet ache in my heart
A smoldering 
A yearning
A longing

For no one in particular

It is a feeling
That is mine 
Deep within
A passion 
I can ignite anytime I choose

But there is an excitement 
A quickening of the heartbeat
Butterflies wings
Making me want to spin 
And dance

I break into a smile
Filled to the brim 
With 
Joie de Vivre

Songs that tug at my heart
Songs that ignite



Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Sisters raise your sons and daughters

Who raised these men?
Who seek to rescue me
Own me
Control me
And ridicule me?

Who raised these men?
Who talk down to my friends and fawn and gush
And can't seem to compliment anything but their looks- physical attributes...

Who raised these men?
Who don't realize the skill
And talent and brains 
Of the women they behold daily 

Who raised these men
Who dishonor and rape
And beat and yet think
It is their strength they uphold?

Who raised them?
Who raised these men?

Where are my sisters?

Too busy in gossip
Too busy ripping other women apart
Too busy competing with each other
For a man's attention

Who are you sir?
You put down my friend
And compliment me?
She and I are one you see
Disrespect her and you disrespect me


What happened to mothers?
How did theses men
Birthed from wombs
Learn how to spit in a woman's face?

Wake up my sister!
Chastise your son!
He mistreats a woman
He mistreats you!

Wake up my sister!
You watch him cheat
He cheats with you
If he cheats on her
He cheats on you

Wake up my sister
Help me up
If you put me down
You put you down too

Be a woman, dear sister 
Rise!
Speak!
Dear sister 
Raise your spirit
Raise your sons
Raise your daughters
Raise you too



Thursday, June 16, 2016

Locke- mentor, friend and fellow human

I cannot do funerals. 


 I'm not good at goodbye's I never have been. I'm even worse with the goodbye's I did not get to say.


 I went over conversations and looked through all my emails and text messages from Don Locke, and sat with my thoughts for a while. 


I am trying to find some peace and one email in particular, is the one I'm holding on too.


We were sky divers, Don Locke and I. We talked of risk taking and standing for what we believe no matter the cost, and we talked of life! The LIVING part of life, the part where you must live- loud, proud and unafraid, owning who you are and what you are!


We had talked of bucket lists too- And today amid my tears I hope he got every last check mark on his...


And it seems fitting to use a skydiving term to wish my dear friend good bye- 


BLUE SKIES DON...

Fly high!



Friday, June 10, 2016

Milk and honey- the night she read to me

The words she reads
Echo my life
Her life
We weep

This child of mine
Is exquisite
And her soul
Divine

We talk through
The book she reads
I know why 
She weeps

We speak of fathers
Of lovers 
Of love
Of self love 

She tells me 
I'm strong
I tell her
YOU make me strong

She finds herself afraid
And excited to grow
To be
Like me

I am content
To be me
And having a daughter
Who wants to be like me

I am 
I begin to see
Exactly where the universe
Intended me to be



Sunday, June 5, 2016

Way to God

I thought back to the days we played together...
We laughed
We cried 
We grew up together
And now it's hard to recall
We once were that way
In judgement now
He stands before me
With a verdict on his lips
He who I have always fought for
He who never fought for me
How fast the times change
How it stings the most 
When those that hurt you
You love the most
And so it goes
You judge me
Shall I judge you too?
For judging me...
It's easier for me
Now to forgive
Your ignorance 
I'm exhausted from speaking
Always saying my piece
You will believe 
What you choose to believe
It's easier for me
To simply walk away
There's your way
And my way
And how many wars will we wage
Over the ways
That lead to God?