Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Ek ehsaas reh Gaya hai...

Meray jootaun pay Peshawar ki gard aur mitti reh gayee hai
Sansoon may kuch shaheedon ki maon ki kushboo reh gayee hai
Kanon may pyaray bachon ki khikhilati hansi ki awaz reh gayi hai
Dil may un sab ki muhabbat aur chahat ka ehsas reh Gaya hai
Meri rooh bay ikhtiyar reh gayi hai
Ummeed reh gayee hai, aansoo reh gayay hain
Hawah may sakit- chand alfaaz reh gayay hain
Ek darwaza Meray laut nay Kay intizar may khula reh Gaya hai
Meray dil ki dharkan may
Peshawar Kay dil Kay dharaknay ki ahat reh gayi hai
Kuch yaadain reh gayee hain
Bay inteha pyaar reh Gaya hai
Peshawar Teri yaad reh gayi hai
Dil may ek ehsaas reh Gaya hai

Monday, January 12, 2015

Inside and outside

The price of fame
A life...

What they see
My outside

Who I am
My inside

Friday, January 9, 2015

The curiously odd person

So remember the person from my "curious" posts...
Well he resurfaced again and this time hit a real time low even for him!

He contacted people at my place of work! What a slimy thing to do.

Monday, January 5, 2015


The year my heart was torn asunder

I tried without success to blog before the new year rolled in-

I could not. 
How can one begin to describe a year of heartbreak?

I lost myself in 2014.
Lost everything I ever was or thought I was
Every last bit of Shahnaz vaporized as I clawed at thin air trying to hold on to something, anything that would give me a sense of something solid.

The dissolution started with many things and culminated in the carnage of Gaza.

My heart has never known such agony. My soul was incinerated over and over until it was cleansed and only truth and awareness remained. 

I cannot remember who I was very clearly. I just know I am not that anymore...

I like the new me. It is a raw me. An organic state with nothing to hide. I am!
I taste a fierce passion raging like a storm in my soul and it heats my blood. I realize I am something wild. My pulse throbs in my ear with the sound of truth and I care not if I am the only one that utters it, I shall speak. And speak it loud.

Not much of anything has any value to me anymore- save love, and truth and right action with right heart. 

Everything else is just dust.

2014 was a year of reckoning. I was incinerated into dust and my essence purified. 

Face down on the ground I surrendered to Him that is my maker and He took me in and made me whole-

Sunday, December 21, 2014

The path

I wept last night
I was in pain...
Face down 
I prayed 
To Him
Just tell me 
What to do-
Though I was scared
I had faith
He's got my back
I thought and then
I took my first step
And just like that 
My path appeared 
Such are His ways...

Saturday, December 20, 2014

War Machine

In a time of deep sorrow and loss
In a world gone mad
From a place of rage
Avenging heralds land
And lay to waste 
Several sons of man

I read
I see 
I watch
And silently behold
The carnage
The blood
And gore 

Not much difference do I see now
In what I once called 
Friend and foe
Each blind in the face of righteous might
Calls the other dog and snake and filth
And screams for blood and death

My heart is heavy
As I note
They act and talk and look the same
Dehumanize the other

My heart is heavy
My soul weary
And yet I can't be silent
And so I'll scream it with every last breath

Yes the victim was a human
And the killer human too!
Yes the victim had a mother
And the murderer too...

There always is a ripple effect 
For both victim 
And perpetrator
Kill one
And humanity dies
Kill yet another and humanity dies
Killing can't bring them back!

Killing leads to only more killing
WHERE is the sense in that?

I was already grieving 
When the children died
And I'm sorry to offend 
But I really can not celebrate 
When their killer is dead
I see no celebration 
In ANY kind of life unnaturally taken

Since I cannot dole out life
I dare not dole out death!

Some jobs are mine 
On this earth
But life and death...
I cannot pretend to interpret 
Were mine to give and take

I am not
And never will be
A part of this war machine

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The last lullaby

In the darkest of hours

While mothers wept 

And mourned 

In a world 

Where they buried their babes

That fateful day-

Who shall speak?

And break the silence...

I heard the clamor 

In the town square

As they screamed for more death

To avenge those

Already dead...

And I wonder

How much blood to quench the thirst?

How much hate?

And how much more?

I lost count

Can't even keep score

You kill mine

I kill yours

Who then shall remain

To sing the lullaby

Who then shall remain

To hear the refrain

When all are quenched 

None remain


'Tis the last...

The last lullaby