Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Sisters raise your sons and daughters

Who raised these men?
Who seek to rescue me
Own me
Control me
And ridicule me?

Who raised these men?
Who talk down to my friends and fawn and gush
And can't seem to compliment anything but their looks- physical attributes...

Who raised these men?
Who don't realize the skill
And talent and brains 
Of the women they behold daily 

Who raised these men
Who dishonor and rape
And beat and yet think
It is their strength they uphold?

Who raised them?
Who raised these men?

Where are my sisters?

Too busy in gossip
Too busy ripping other women apart
Too busy competing with each other
For a man's attention

Who are you sir?
You put down my friend
And compliment me?
She and I are one you see
Disrespect her and you disrespect me

What happened to mothers?
How did theses men
Birthed from wombs
Learn how to spit in a woman's face?

Wake up my sister!
Chastise your son!
He mistreats a woman
He mistreats you!

Wake up my sister!
You watch him cheat
He cheats with you
If he cheats on her
He cheats on you

Wake up my sister
Help me up
If you put me down
You put you down too

Be a woman, dear sister 
Dear sister 
Raise your spirit
Raise your sons
Raise your daughters
Raise you too

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Locke- mentor, friend and fellow human

I cannot do funerals. 

 I'm not good at goodbye's I never have been. I'm even worse with the goodbye's I did not get to say.

 I went over conversations and looked through all my emails and text messages from Don Locke, and sat with my thoughts for a while. 

I am trying to find some peace and one email in particular, is the one I'm holding on too.

We were sky divers, Don Locke and I. We talked of risk taking and standing for what we believe no matter the cost, and we talked of life! The LIVING part of life, the part where you must live- loud, proud and unafraid, owning who you are and what you are!

We had talked of bucket lists too- And today amid my tears I hope he got every last check mark on his...

And it seems fitting to use a skydiving term to wish my dear friend good bye- 


Fly high!

Friday, June 10, 2016

Milk and honey- the night she read to me

The words she reads
Echo my life
Her life
We weep

This child of mine
Is exquisite
And her soul

We talk through
The book she reads
I know why 
She weeps

We speak of fathers
Of lovers 
Of love
Of self love 

She tells me 
I'm strong
I tell her
YOU make me strong

She finds herself afraid
And excited to grow
To be
Like me

I am content
To be me
And having a daughter
Who wants to be like me

I am 
I begin to see
Exactly where the universe
Intended me to be

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Way to God

I thought back to the days we played together...
We laughed
We cried 
We grew up together
And now it's hard to recall
We once were that way
In judgement now
He stands before me
With a verdict on his lips
He who I have always fought for
He who never fought for me
How fast the times change
How it stings the most 
When those that hurt you
You love the most
And so it goes
You judge me
Shall I judge you too?
For judging me...
It's easier for me
Now to forgive
Your ignorance 
I'm exhausted from speaking
Always saying my piece
You will believe 
What you choose to believe
It's easier for me
To simply walk away
There's your way
And my way
And how many wars will we wage
Over the ways
That lead to God?

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Mothers and daughters

Chats with her mother are the most important conversations a daughter can have.

I'm 38 and most days all that is needed is a mama duck chat to get my brain right again.

A few days ago, Mama Duck says to me

"You are who you are because you have been through a lot..."

And just like that I remember who I am and why the struggle is necessary. 

Adversity is a catalyst for growth. 

And then I surrender and fall into the whirlwind that only a moment ago frightened me. Only this time it isn't fear, but resilience, awareness and a quiet confidence that I feel. A quiet sort of knowing that whatever is coming, I will face it and in the end I will overcome and be okay.

Meanwhile in another mama conversation - me with with my teen this morning...

Me- it's a hyper sexualized world you're growing up in
Bug- yup
Me- sex is a very natural and normal part of life you know
Bug- yup
Me- nothing to be ashamed of, quite normal to be attracted to people and for people to find you attractive 
Bug- I know mom...
Me- meanwhile attraction and all considered, your goodies are on lockdown! I mean if someone says 'you have great goodies', you tell them 'I know this- thank you. I like my goodies. They're my goodies! And just an FYI mate they are on lockdown. No goodies for you!!!'
Got it?
Bug- I got it. My goodies are on lock down!
Me- exactly! your goodies are on lockdown. If someone tries to get those goodies... I will go all psychomama on them!
Bug- oh I believe that!!!
Me- yup! I mean like seriously 
Bug- oh believe me I know!

And so it goes...
My mama reminds me that I must surrender into a whirlwind and I remind my bug that her goodies are on lockdown until further notice.

38 and 16
Different talks
Different lessons
Same wisdom!

Soul food

"Your soul has a voice
What matters is how quickly you answer it's call, and follow where it guides you"

When I answer my soul
I am happy

When I conform to an arbitrary world
I come undone

You may call me 
Out of line
Out of turn
In your world so blind...

But my soul and I are one

I can bear 
Your wrath

But my soul betray
I never can
I am a woman wild
My soul can not be tamed 

I dance at will
Free like the wind
I have no use
For your arbitrary ways

Ask me of the infinite wisdom
In the air
The earth
The waves...
My soul hears it all
The birds call
The heart's wail
No I have no place
For your arbitrary ways

I claim no fame
Seek no fortune
I own a treasure
Deep inside myself

Does my insolence

Does my free voice 
Rasp inside your brain

Does my dancing
Frighten you
Or my lack of shame
Make me 
You cannot tame

Did you think me
To own
And mold
And rule
And break

I am a woman wild
I give life
I fear not
Your arbitrary ways

With each sunrise
I am reborn
You seek to ruin me
But I am a soul
You cannot
My essence
It will remain
Long after your arbitrary ways

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Bruised rose petals and concrete

Don't ask me why...
Ask me how-


Unfailing courage.
Faith in your creator.
The humility to be ground into dust.
After all,
We all come from dust.
Hope- that when you've hit rock bottom,
the only thing left to do is begin to climb your way out.
Crawl if you must.
Bleed and break and fall if you must.
Weep if you must.
But climb,
You must...

And yet you ask

Endless forgiveness.
Of self,
And of other.
The wisdom to falter
And yet,
To falter but never fail...
To fail you have to give up.
But don't give up.
Never give up!
Let death happen,
But never give up.
As it stands,
Death comes to us all...
All die,
But few actually live.
And falter...
But never give up!

And still you ask
Never give up?

Above all...
Endless love
Love that informs 
That to do anything but
Is not an option.
That is how...