How close am i?

Today
I cried an ocean
On the inside
Today
I cried for a child
The child within
Today
I sat in remorse
I sat in awareness
Today...

How close am I?
How close to getting it all
How close to losing it all
How close am I?
To you...
To me...
To getting you?
To losing you...
To getting me?
To losing me...

When you have defeated yourself for so long
When you have waged a war on yourself
When you have seen
And recognized
And sabotaged
And learned
And unlearned
And stumbled
And bled
And got up
And walked on
And fallen again
And again

How close am i?

To changing
Being
Same-ing
New-ing
...ing...
Any..."ing"...

How long is an eternity
What is the measure of a lifetime
What is distance
What is loss
What is gain
Who am I
What am I
Who was I
Who am I to be?
When the being happens

Where are you
Who are you

How close
How far

Are you losing me
Or am I losing me
Am I losing you

Or

Am I just lost?

At the moment of loss I am found
And yet in the finding I get lost...

How close am I to losing
How close am I to loss
How close am I?

Am I in love with loss
Is loss in love with me

Is loss a destination
Inevitability
Certainty
Fear
Truth
Reality

How close am I?

hero of war

So a lot went through my mind last night when Rise Against sang this one-

Amidst the moshing crowd that went crazy when this one started- I stood in silent thought and pondered-

Conversations I had
With those who've been there
The misery
Of
WAR

I waged mine when I returned
I waged and I raged
I surrendered
And I lost
I lashed out and won
BUT what lay in the balance
What was actually gambled
What was the worth
Of
The win
The loss
The surrender

It mattered not...

What is the price of one aching heart?
What is the price of hurting the one that you love?
What is the price of the win?
What is the price of victory?
What is the price of words?
What is the price of a feeling?
What is the price of tears?
What is the price of grief?

What is the price of a human spirit?

Sometimes I just don't understand...
The world-
People-
Life-
Me-

Sometimes
I
Feel
So
Alone

And truth be told

It is because
At the end of the day

That is the truth
This is my path
And I walk it alone

This is my war
I fight it alone

This is my truth
This is my life
And the truth is
I live it
Alone

Hero of war
I wage with my life
Hero of war
I wage with myself
Hero of war
So tired and worn
Hero of war
I fight alone

A hero of war
Always
Has to fight
It out
Alone-

Hero of War
Hero of war...

broken hearted

it aches
and breaks
and tears me apart

it rips
and shreds
and beats me down

i sit exposed
alone
and cold

and wonder
how
why
where

did I go wrong?

the tears won't stop
the ache
engulfs

my heart explodes
my spirit's low
i sit still

and try
just try
to breathe

as i whisper
silently-

dear heart
hold on
this too shall pass...

YOU-ME

Sometimes when it happens it hurts a lot
The highs are high the lows just suck
You open up and give yoursef
You get it back
And then,
And then....
That's when it starts
The fear
The panic
The silly notion
I want you so much!
Do you want me back?
If I stand here
Will you stand with me
If I just sat
Would you sit with me
If I saw it all and dreamed
Would you care to dream with me....
Yes dear love-
I would....

Thing is-
You see
Sometimes when it happens
It hurts a lot
When it happens
LOVE hurts a lot!

It's a love story...Part 1

So I came across this one recently-

---------------------------------------
Two lovers about to be parted
They poke and prod and suffer the distance
She says-
My friend is in Vermont too.
He visits from time to time.
He's an attorney...He graduated from Harvard Law

He says-
Oh? Why does he visit this country?
Does he work here?

She says-
No.

He says-
Whay does he come?

She says-
He comes to fuck!

He says-
What?

She says-
He comes to fuck- (and she snickers)

He says-
Who does he come to fuck?

She says-
People...

He says-
Does he come to fuck you?

She says-
Well.... no

He says-
Did he come to fuck you? He used to right?

She says-
Yes.

He says-
I don't want to hear it...(and he speeds up the car as she sees his eyes tear up in agony)

She says-
Please stop it...

-----------

But he can't.
He hurts.
She hurts.

The Vultures-

They want what you have
They want the love that you get..
The love that you give
They want it all
To snatch it away
If they could
Destroy it if they can't

They sit with you
In hallowed halls
They smile and laugh
And act like friends
And all the while
They whisper deep
They whisper hard

In discontent
They sit amidst
The ruins of
Their own loss
And hurt
And pain
And grudge

You-
Your bliss
Your joy
Your smiles
Your happiness
Your love...

The vultures
Vile
Manipulative
Malcontent
They thrive
On destruction
On rot
That they spread

Deep inside
They wish
They desire
They want
YOU
To have what is yours
What they have not

V-U-L-T-U-R-E-S

They want

To
Be
You

And they can't
And so
They
Destroy

Missing you-

She read the words and smiled a little
She thought of him and dreamed a little
She saw his picture and felt her heart race
She dialed his number just to hear his voice

The memory of his smell
Lingered a little longer today
The comfort of his strong arms
Was missed today
The gentleness in his eyes
The soft whisper of his words
Those beautiful eyes
The self conscious smile
His "Hey you..."
The laughter
The silence
His presence
Were missed today...
All day today.

Pooh bear
Buster
You were missed today...