Wednesday, March 23, 2016

16 and the clock's ticking...

My little baby zebra wanders around prancing in her onesie, reminding me of the little toddler she used to be. This adorable creature, a joy and an aggravation by turns, holds my heart in her little hand- and can squeeze and make me wince or burst open with love at will.

So it is with unconditional, uncontrollable love. It is without volition. I love, and I exist to love... Her... Endlessly...

Of late each second is an ache since I don't have her for much longer. The clock ticks on and in less than two years my little Bug will fly off into the world. I catch my breath at the thought and savor each aggravation and each joyous moment, by turns frantic with worry that she isn't ready and I've not had time to teach her everything she should know, and also rapt at her excellence and profound wisdom for her young years.


A more exquisite ache of loving I have never felt before...

My baby zebra smells like angels breath as she snuggles in my arms tonight.

I bask in the glow of blessed, heavenly love, the kind only a mother who holds her cub in her arms knows...

My little bug
My baby zebra

"Put those away" 
She said to me this morning as she was telling me a story and I bristled in protective indignation, my claws starting to show...
"I've retracted them", I replied,  "look! Mama bear, Black panther is all kitty soft paws now"

This amazing little human is life, is meaning, and joy and blessing and existence....

And soon she will fly off and take on the world-

I love her and I miss her and I love her and I miss her...

And she's not even left yet! 

Each moment I have had her is imprinted in memory and she is the best of life and of me.

One does not just love a Bug-

One falls 
Head over heels
With a Bug
And my baby zebra, my angel, my love, my Bug holds my heart and soul firmly in her hand...

Force of nature

" were like a force of nature. I felt your presence and turned to watch as you walked by. You were focused, with an intensity of purpose, each step deliberate as you glided past with a casually confident air about you."

I laughed, a little surprised by this description of me. I know I have precision focus and when I want something I get it, one way or another. I just have to want it enough... But this description made me think-

Purpose is a must for me, and hardwork isn't daunting. It is to be expected. I despise mediocrity. I demand exceptional excellence, and will push for it.

I am willing to practice an art I committ to, endlessly, until it becomes second nature to me, executed with flawless ease. There is no other way in my book. I have to love it passionately or it's not worth the effort. If it's worth doing it's worth doing well! I have very high expectations and I'm not often disappointed in myself. I work hard to meet my expectations. I love that about me. If that makes me a force of nature I'm okay with that.

I believe that true human essence is a force of nature. If more humans worked hard to embody essence and free themselves from the shackles of ego, this world would be a better place.

Mediocrity is existing like an animal, a slave to the whims of ego. The art of living is aspiring towards essence. That highest form is what I aspire toward. Each day is a journey and a struggle with self. Each day is a lifetime in that effort.