Sunday, December 8, 2013


In so many ways
His gifts find their way
Into my life
To bless my days
Angels come
And miracles too
Lessons are taught
And patience too
I'm grateful
For the eyes he gave
That allow me to see
My bounty
For I am his beloved
And he my love

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Love of ages

A scarf that started a war-
A Beatles shirt.
A scent that a man used to mark his territory...
A florist's note that came with a bouquet of flowers a little too late-
And two paper roses, that I had promised to keep forever!
Well forever came today.

Oh how love fades
A love of ages
Not even love
But something else

No regrets 
Not a one!
What a remarkable resilient thing the heart is... 


How often we repeat
How often reenact
The events
Of a broken life
In hopes
Always in hopes
Of resolution
This time...
If we can make it right
All the past 
Will cease to haunt
And we can at last
Get on with life
No such luck
We will hand pick
Our tormentors
To wound us in 
The same old ways
I beg of you
See your true self
Grieve the past
Weep the loss
Bleed the wound
And when infection
Has run dry
Walk on
Walk on by
Cannot happen
If the events keep repeating
Change cannot happen
Unless it comes from you
Walk on 
Walk on by
Is in walking
Walk on
Walk on by

Monday, November 25, 2013

The gifts he gives

I asked for patience 
And he tried me...
I asked for courage
And he challenged me...
I asked for love
And he brought me to my knees!
I fought him
And he broke me-
I ran 
And he overtook me
I wept 
And he was silent
I raged
And he was silent 
I was silent...
And he listened
I surrendered-
And he spoke
So it went
With me and God
And so it goes
With me and God

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Kiss me

Kiss me hard
And kiss me long
Deep into the night
Indigo sky
Cold breeze
Warm your lips on mine
Close your eyes 
And feel my soul
Echo through your heartbeat 
Let go
And surrender
Give in to the moment

Thursday, October 31, 2013,

I am...
Simply that-
Or maybe even more simply 
Be done with "I"
It's the root of discontent
Were there no 
And simply
We could,
Simply that-

Monday, September 23, 2013


Dear child

It hurts
I know this fact
Your gentle heart 
It breaks
'Tis true...
But know
Little love bug 
This heartbreak
Is not your first
And it certainly
Will not be your last
So hold on tight
To hope
And cry
If you must
Your tears
Do not fall
In vain-
Like the sun
Comes out again,
After the rain
So shall
The laughter return
And once the tears
Have dried
New paths will open up
New roads await
Adventure on!
It is okay
To be afraid
But hold high 
Your head
And take a breath
And step on
Move on
Live on...
This is just a moment
It storms for now
It is a moment
This too...
Shall pass
Hold on
A moment more
It will pass-

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Meaning of life-

Love everything
Own nothing

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

My heart and I

We had a heart to heart
My heart and I
It spoke and I listened
It felt and I sensed it
It broke and I held it
It scolded and I accepted
It showed me and I saw
It's quite a remarkable thing
This heart of mine
And then my ego
That shadowy deceiver
What a con!
So I took an eraser
And smudged him out
My sexy critic
Inner critic to be exact
Always whispering
In my ear
Suffocating that poor heart
Thanks for sharing
Now shoo!
Go away.
Hush now.
Be silent please...
My dear sweet heart 
Has something to say
So back again to my heart
To have another
Heart to heart
It is a remarkable thing
This heart of mine
Fills me with awe and wonder
So vast
So sublime
In it I see
The universe
Do I contain it?
Or does it contain me?
This heart
Which holds
If I stayed there a day
A years knowledge 
Would I gain...
Ahhh yes presence
With this heart
And suddenly
The skies clear
And the song of my soul breaks forth
And what a song
And what wisdom
I am breathless
It all becomes clear
What a fool 
It made of me
This ego
Such deceit
Ludicrous bullshit!
And still
I have not the heart
To hate it
Or anything at all
Such a wonderfully 
Remarkable thing!
This heart 
Of mine
All forgiven
All forgotten
It knows hurt
It knows pain
It knows love
This heart of mine
Knows them all
Does it hold me?
Or do I...
Hold my heart
Now that's a thought
A good conversation
One that requires 
Heart to heart
My heart and I 

Monday, September 9, 2013

After the rain

It washed over me
The sorrow last night
Like floodgates opened
The dam gave out
I was ready for it
It was needed
It was expected
It was not easy
And yes...
This time-
I welcomed it
I sat with it
I weathered it
And then
Nor sad
Blissful sleep took over
I awoke 
Somewhat foggy
"We must put ourselves in the way of annihilation... Over and over again. Only then can we expose what is indestructible in us- (Pema Chodron)"
I begin to see them
My indestructible parts
How wonderful that those are the same parts
I love the most about me-
What a discovery
That which I love is indestructible 
That which cannot be destroyed
And love shall find me
All that was lost
That I mistook for love
Was not
Love cannot be destroyed
Love cannot be lost
I am love
And LOVE shall find me
After the rain...


There are some paths
We must walk alone
The journey is ours
The experience too
We have the courage
And wisdom too
It's fear that kicks in
And anger 
And then
We resist
What must be
What cannot be changed
Fear fights
Acceptance strengthens
Fear says "NO!"
Acceptance says " is what it is..."
Wisdom is accepting
Everything- including the fear and the anger...
Acceptance is loving ourselves
Through it all
And then alone isn't a burden
We are all alone 
After all
We are all alone together-

Wednesday, September 4, 2013


If I knew why
I'd tell you too...
I thought of you
In the darkness 
I thought of you
In the light...
I missed you by day
I missed you by night
I remembered our walks
In the starlight-
"I still love you like crazy"
He said...
And my heart smiled
Because I know
I love him too-

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The moon, my feet and the path...

You are sitting beside the road that you seek.
Blinded by moonlight , you search for the moon.

And so it is with me-

May the moon 
Reside inside
My heart...
May my path 
Find my feet...


My dreams are not for sale

You rob my pictures 
Slander my name
And defame
Seek to shame

My soul is not your game

You point your fingers
Sneer and jeer
Snicker and laugh
Seek to break

My heart is not that tame

So have your victory
Gather your mob
In the city square
Let the gossips

I've lost it all
Many times over
But one thing I've never lost

This is ME...

and I have a ways to go still
I cannot stay
To fight with you
I have a dream
To win...

Sunday, August 18, 2013


I need to stop running out 
And start running in...

Thursday, August 15, 2013


"Sometimes we fall down because there is  something down there we are supposed to find..."

I fell down hard this time and the blessing is I kept my eyes open and so I saw what I was meant to find.

David told me once
"We can't go searching for love, we can only go inward and remove the barriers we have created internally to keep love out!"
For David I am blessed.

I am a desert
It has been an age
Since I felt the rain
This self imposed exile
From love
Leaves me starved 
Come quench my thirst
Come feed my soul
Shower me with your love
I long to feel you
Beat once more 
Inside my heart
Ignite the fire
Let it burn
Let it burn....

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Ain't no reason-

Friday, August 9, 2013

Prisoners of war

"Prisoners of war"...
At the state board
The speaker said- he spoke of soldiers.
My lovers...
All of them.
Young men
Full of valor
Full of anger
Full of pain
All of them...
Prisoners of war-
All of them

"Where are you from?"
The lady asked-
My descent- Turkish:Arab:Indian:Persian
"Maybe if we all did that... Soon we'd all be the same and then there would be no need for wars..."
What a wonderful, wise woman
What a beautiful thought...

I saw him walk towards me
Head buried in his phone
At the gym
The man who had not spoken
In days-
With an ego to uphold...
He looked up
He saw me and his eyes lit up
He came forward to hug me
As I turned to embrace him he spoke
"Don't get too close!"
I took a step back
The story of us-
That little scene played it out
Me desiring closeness
And him too
And then the fear
And the push
He of course blamed it on illness
(Don't get too close- the irony of reality!)

He asked me of my daughter
"Is she religious?"
I wondered
What does that mean?
After all 
Who cares?
I don't
I believe in GOD!
HE is my religion
Where I find him is my religion 
What religion was Abraham 
He is described as 
An upright man
But what religion was he
He believed
That was his religion 
I suppose I am not too far off then

I saw her 
At the gym too-
In her hijab
And I said to her
Eid mabruk!
She lit up 
And we talked
At then end she said
"Thank you"
The raw gratitude so humbling to me
My understanding such a treasured gift 
I know the feeling
It was mutual

Back home I cried a few tears
I saw my lovers
Shoot and kill my brothers
I saw them both bleed
My lovers and my brothers
And the odd thing was
The blood that they bled
Was the same
I laughed for a bit
Through my tears
It's red
Their blood
Both of them
It's red...
What madness
Am I mad?
Or are they mad?
Here I cry and laugh at the same time
It's red 
Their blood 
Both of them
It's red!
I scream
Through my grimace
Am I mad?
Or are they?
What madness is this?

Prisoners of war
Prisoners of pain
Maddened by grief
And GOD only knows
What more-
Prisoners in our mind

Imaginary wars
In imaginary minds
In an imaginary world 
With imaginary lines
We choose to call borders
All of us
Just prisoners

Prisoners of imaginary lies

We all bleed red!
We are all the same-

Monday, July 29, 2013

She has to go away-

She has to go away
And I must stay
I have to let her go
My anger cannot keep her

I am angry that she's old
I am angry she was wrong
I am angry 'cos I love her
I am angry 'cos I'm wrong


I am not even angry
Maybe I'm scared
Maybe a lot sad
And sometimes even lost...

I saw her eyes today,
As I put on my makeup,
Between my face and the mirror
And they were FULL of LOVE!!!!

I heard HIM speak to me
This is the last time-
You may not ever see
Those loving eyes again...

I went in and I told her
And I know that

I told her " I am sorry"
She said "please forgive me"
I said "forgive me too"
And just like that...
The past was done.

We had the present moment
And she had ME 
In that moment
We had LOVE

And she knows
And I know
That she
"Has to go away..."
"I must stay."

And we cried-
Because of L O V E 
We cried...

And she knows....
And I know...
Because God and Love

(told us so...)

That she HAS to 

...go away...

And I must stay-

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

This love

'Tis a many splendored thing, this love-

It shines like grace from the heavens above.

Warms my heart, sets free my soul...

Opens me up-

Makes me whole

Fills me up so I can float

As I scatter onward this blessing I behold

The more I have, the more I give

The more I give- the more I get...

'Tis a many splendored thing, this  love...

Monday, July 15, 2013


I'm sorry,
Please forgive me...
Thank you-
I love you.

The wisdom of letting go and freeing yourself. 
"Out of love comes healing". 
My Reiki teacher stated to me.
And thus was I healed.
And able, in turn to offer healing-

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Chocolate brownies-

Brownies are good eats. Rich, moist, sweet... 
They are "happy making" food!

Brownies are also like relationships. Relationships are also "happy making" things- IF they are "healthy" :)

Brownies can be unhealthy too! But not the way I make them. I make amazing "healthy" fat free, protein laden brownies!

The trick is to stick with the healthy in both the relationship and the brownie.
My friend Linda once said,

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I was in the midst of attempting death by carbs last night- very, very late last night. After a horrendous evening I wanted my "happy making" carbs. Caught up in my starch high and processing my thoughts and life events I was pleasantly surprised when my phone ting tinged :)

It was my dear dear friend Bob-
He Facebook messaged me because he saw I was up late and concerned, wrote to encourage me to head to bed since it was that late.

I let him know that I was attempting death by carbs and peanut butter. He chuckled about what a way to go that would be and then proceeded to ask what ailed me.

I told him I was sad and confused by the universe. I told him I was practicing patience. I also told him I was aware that it would all work out in the end...

And then, like always, he spouted his wisdom-

"It will. Until then, 99% of life is showing up, to quote Woody Allen. The other 1% is carbs and peanut butter."

I laughed out loud! And told him I LOVE YOU!
He told me I LOVE YOU back...
Beautiful words those I LOVE YOUs...

The universe may not give me what I want, but it ALWAYS gives me what I need. I needed love last night and got it-

I got love from one of my lifetime people! 

Bob is one of my lifetime people.

That's the thing with lifetime people. They recognize your worth and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. They cherish and adore you. They celebrate and encourage you. Endlessly love you. And vice versa.

Reason people are brought into our lives to bring us messages. They come and go flowing smoothly, impart their messages and then vanish.

Season people are people we had hoped would become lifetime people. But they either did not recognize our worth or did not treat us right... Or we did not recognize their worth and did not treat them right...

The consequence was that a separating was necessitated. Hence the season...

The universe always has a plan. It will guide. Until that plan comes to fruition, I will keep on "showing up!" meanwhile, there's always fat free brownies and peanut butter!

Love and peace-

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Ramadan Kareem

96:1 Read! In the name of your Lord who created: 96:2 He created man from a clinging form. 96:3 Read!

Monday, July 8, 2013

Being human-

..."I saw many humans on whom there were no clothes. I saw many clothes in which there were no humans..."

Sunday, July 7, 2013


"May I call you Shah?"
He asked...

I was taken aback for a bit. There was just one other person that called me Shah. 

I responded, and told him some about Shah. This is the time. The universe will give back to me all that was once taken from me. The timing was all wrong... The persons all wrong...

Divine timing- ripening...
One must await and demonstrate 
Ripening :)

It is a tribe of spirituals that roam this earth- POWs as JT called us...
Those of us that have escaped the cave and like renegades giddy and euphoric we run screaming
Ana al haq....

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Free soul

This is my skin...
The one that I was born in
It is a part of me
It glows with life
From within-

You may
And turn up your nose
It will not cringe
It is my skin
And I will never 
My own
To appease
Your whim...

This is my heart
This is my soul
And yes
This is my life
I live free
And freedom
Is my right
And not your gift

I will not 
To feed your ego
Mine is well in check
And I have not much
To prove
To you
Or me
Or anyone else

This is my bliss
And my
I am not a body
Housing a soul
I AM...
A soul
I have a body 
I have a thought
So be with me 
With my soul
Or be gone
And find your own way
Pollute not
My space
My soul
My skin
My home

Sticks and stones...

One by one they cast their stones...
Starting with my blood brother and then followed by my human brothers...

Each had his piece to speak,
And condemn my soul-

And I silent, listened...
I sensed my reactive anger smolder
As indignation took force
And gently, gently... I soothed and calmed my flustered clamor.

"Where were they when in agony I writhed?"
"Where when my wounded body called out in pain?"

Not a one did hear my cry or answer my call and yet,
Today they stand... 
Rocks in hand-
Spittle at the ready
Eager to defame
My name
Or so they claim
As they stand 
In judgment 
Over my "shame"
Righteous in this game as they
Threaten me with rejection
And also with religion
Where were they when 
They uttered 
The lords name in vain
Even as they played "god"
And cast their rocks
At another human
As if they 
Were the owners
Of pristine souls...

One by one they cast their stones...
Starting with my blood brother and then followed by my human brothers...

While I silent watched...
And stepped aside
Their shots...
My soul now without anger
Forgive them lord 
For they know not what they do

'Tis easy
So very easy 
To forgive 
When we have forgiven

Forgive them lord 
For their torment 
And agony
Make them
Their brethren
As they know not
What they do-

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Without and within

I looked without and I was scared...
I looked within and I found courage-

I looked without and saw confusion...
I looked within and things were clear-

I went outside seeking love and my heart was broken...
I came within and was embraced by endless love-

I went outward and was shackled...
I came within and found freedom-

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Love me tender-

" the end of the day all anyone wants is just to be loved, I guess..." She said as she broke into sobs.

We will sometimes worship those we love, and those whom we worship we will eventually crucify...
That which we admire we shall also at times envy.

Ben stated to me that the world has historically destroyed its heroes. I wonder  why it is so? We build and we break. To what end? Is it ourselves we seek to destroy or the other? The satisfaction born out of destruction is very short lived I have experienced. We find happiness in synthesis not wreckage, and yet, we plunder and pillage- resources, the world, each other! I wonder if it is pain that seeks destruction?

At the end of the day, all anyone wants is to be loved...
I guess-

Monday, June 3, 2013

It is what it is-

In stark clarity comes awareness 
Despite denial, truth shines through
And whilst it is a bitter pill-
It remains that what is
(And such is life)


"Mirror mirror on the wall..."

Upon observing our reflection we learn ourselves...
Such is the mirroring effect-
When offered such a neutral observation, we can objectively face the inner self. In this process a "noticing" happens. When we notice things we are aware-
In awareness the process of change becomes possible.
In my reflected self I was able to see. In seeing I am aware...

As I walked the ocean sands it occurred to me, the meaning of Jesus's words "forgive them lord, for they know not..."

We are a product of our torments. We react out of our torments. Forgiveness is easier to come by when viewed thusly-

In hearing my travel companion speak of higher order functioning, a rising above the primal urges- it struck me. The reasons why so many are stuck in the primal urges. I saw reflected, so much, in that simple statement.

Until a tormented soul has come to peace with the torment, how can it rise above to a higher order function?

In that recognition came the words
..."forgive them lord"...

And such was my understanding as I walked the ocean sands...