Blessed

In so many ways

His gifts find their way

Into my life

To bless my days

Angels come

And miracles too

Lessons are taught

And patience too

I'm grateful

For the eyes he gave

That allow me to see

My bounty

For I am his beloved

And he my love

Love of ages

A scarf that started a war-

A Beatles shirt.

A scent that a man used to mark his territory...

A florist's note that came with a bouquet of flowers a little too late-

And two paper roses, that I had promised to keep forever!

Well forever came today.

Oh how love fades

A love of ages

Not even love

But something else

No regrets 

Not a one!

What a remarkable resilient thing the heart is... 

Resolution

How often we repeat

How often reenact

The events

Of a broken life

In hopes

Always in hopes

Of resolution

This time...

If we can make it right

All the past 

Will cease to haunt

And we can at last

Get on with life

Alas-

No such luck

Endlessly

We will hand pick

Our tormentors

To wound us in 

The same old ways

STOP!

I beg of you

See your true self

Grieve the past

Weep the loss

Bleed the wound

And when infection

Has run dry

Walk on

Walk on by

Resolution

Cannot happen

If the events keep repeating

Change cannot happen

Unless it comes from you

Walk on 

Walk on by

Resolution

Is in walking

Walk on

Walk on by

The gifts he gives

I asked for patience 

And he tried me...

I asked for courage

And he challenged me...

I asked for love

And he brought me to my knees!

I fought him

And he broke me-

I ran 

And he overtook me

I wept 

And he was silent

I raged

And he was silent 

I was silent...

And he listened

I surrendered-

And he spoke

---

So it went

With me and God

...

And so it goes

With me and God

Kiss me

Kiss me hard

And kiss me long

Deep into the night

Indigo sky

Cold breeze

Warm your lips on mine

Close your eyes 

And feel my soul

Echo through your heartbeat 

Let go

And surrender

Give in to the moment

...

...am..,

I am...

Simply that-

Or maybe even more simply 

"Am"

Be done with "I"

It's the root of discontent

Were there no 

You

Or

I

And simply 

...am...

We could,

You 

And

I...

Just 

Exist-

Am...

Simply that-

...am...

Bug

Dear child

It hurts

I know this fact

Your gentle heart 

It breaks

'Tis true...

But know

Little love bug 

This heartbreak

Is not your first

And it certainly

Will not be your last

So hold on tight

To hope

And cry

If you must

...

Your tears

Do not fall

In vain-

Like the sun

Comes out again,

After the rain

So shall

The laughter return

And once the tears

Have dried

New paths will open up

New roads await

Adventure on!

It is okay

To be afraid

But hold high 

Your head

And take a breath

And step on

Move on

Live on...

This is just a moment

It storms for now

It is a moment

This too...

Shall pass

Hold on

A moment more

It will pass-

Meaning of life-

Love everything

Own nothing

What heroism is...

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3906743

My heart and I

We had a heart to heart

My heart and I

It spoke and I listened

It felt and I sensed it

It broke and I held it

It scolded and I accepted

It showed me and I saw

It's quite a remarkable thing

This heart of mine

And then my ego

That shadowy deceiver

What a con!

Indeed-

So I took an eraser

And smudged him out

Zee

My sexy critic

Inner critic to be exact

Always whispering

In my ear

Suffocating that poor heart

Thanks for sharing

Zee...

Now shoo!

Go away.

Hush now.

Be silent please...

My dear sweet heart 

Has something to say

So back again to my heart

To have another

Heart to heart

It is a remarkable thing

This heart of mine

Fills me with awe and wonder

So vast

So sublime

Divine

In it I see

The universe

Do I contain it?

Or does it contain me?

This heart

Which holds

Infinity

If I stayed there a day

A years knowledge 

Would I gain...

Presence

Ahhh yes presence

With this heart

And suddenly

The skies clear

And the song of my soul breaks forth

And what a song

And what wisdom

I am breathless

It all becomes clear

What a fool 

It made of me

This ego

Zee-

Such deceit

Ludicrous bullshit!

And still

I have not the heart

To hate it

Or anything at all

Such a wonderfully 

Remarkable thing!

This heart 

Of mine

FULL OF LOVE!

Divine 

All forgiven

All forgotten

It knows hurt

It knows pain

It knows love

This heart of mine

Knows them all

Does it hold me?

Or do I...

Hold my heart

Now that's a thought

A good conversation

One that requires 

A 

Heart to heart

...

My heart and I 

After the rain

It washed over me

The sorrow last night

Like floodgates opened

The dam gave out

I was ready for it

It was needed

It was expected

It was not easy

And yes...

This time-

I welcomed it

I sat with it

I weathered it

And then

Neither

Happy

Nor sad

Blissful sleep took over

I awoke 

Somewhat foggy

And

Resolute

"We must put ourselves in the way of annihilation... Over and over again. Only then can we expose what is indestructible in us- (Pema Chodron)"

I begin to see them

My indestructible parts

How wonderful that those are the same parts

That 

I love the most about me-

What a discovery

That which I love is indestructible 

That which cannot be destroyed

Is

LOVE

I AM LOVE

And love shall find me

All that was lost

Destroyed

That I mistook for love

Was not

Love cannot be destroyed

Love cannot be lost

I am love

And LOVE shall find me

After the rain...

Alone

There are some paths

We must walk alone

The journey is ours

The experience too

We have the courage

And wisdom too

It's fear that kicks in

And anger 

And then

We resist

What must be

What cannot be changed

Fear fights

Acceptance strengthens

Fear says "NO!"

Acceptance says "...it is what it is..."

Wisdom is accepting

Everything- including the fear and the anger...

Acceptance is loving ourselves

Through it all

And then alone isn't a burden

We are all alone 

After all

We are all alone together-

Love

If I knew why

I'd tell you too...

I thought of you

In the darkness 

I thought of you

In the light...

I missed you by day

I missed you by night

I remembered our walks

In the starlight-

"I still love you like crazy"

He said...

And my heart smiled

Because I know

I love him too-

The moon, my feet and the path...

You are sitting beside the road that you seek.

Blinded by moonlight , you search for the moon.

And so it is with me-

May the moon 

Reside inside

My heart...

May my path 

Find my feet...

Dream

My dreams are not for sale

You rob my pictures 

Slander my name

And defame

Seek to shame

Me...

My soul is not your game

You point your fingers

Sneer and jeer

Snicker and laugh

Seek to break

Me...

My heart is not that tame

So have your victory

Gather your mob

In the city square

Let the gossips

Talk- 

I've lost it all

Many times over

But one thing I've never lost

Was 

ME!

This is ME...

MY HEART

MY SOUL

MY DREAM

and I have a ways to go still

I cannot stay

To fight with you

I have a dream

To win...

Awareness

I need to stop running out 

And start running in...

Desert...

"Sometimes we fall down because there is  something down there we are supposed to find..."

I fell down hard this time and the blessing is I kept my eyes open and so I saw what I was meant to find.

David told me once

"We can't go searching for love, we can only go inward and remove the barriers we have created internally to keep love out!"

For David I am blessed.

I am a desert

Parched...

It has been an age

Since I felt the rain

This self imposed exile

From love

Leaves me starved 

Come quench my thirst

Come feed my soul

Shower me with your love

I long to feel you

Beat once more 

Inside my heart

Ignite the fire

Let it burn

Let it burn....

Ain't no reason-

http://youtu.be/CDMqyv-fqm4

Prisoners of war

"Prisoners of war"...

At the state board

The speaker said- he spoke of soldiers.

My lovers...

All of them.

Young men

Full of valor

Full of anger

Full of pain

Righteous

All of them...

Prisoners of war-

All of them

"Where are you from?"

The lady asked-

My descent- Turkish:Arab:Indian:Persian

"Maybe if we all did that... Soon we'd all be the same and then there would be no need for wars..."

What a wonderful, wise woman

What a beautiful thought...

I saw him walk towards me

Head buried in his phone

At the gym

The man who had not spoken

In days-

Stubborn

With an ego to uphold...

He looked up

He saw me and his eyes lit up

He came forward to hug me

As I turned to embrace him he spoke

"Don't get too close!"

I took a step back

The story of us-

That little scene played it out

Me desiring closeness

And him too

And then the fear

And the push

DON'T GET TOO CLOSE!

He of course blamed it on illness

(Chuckle-)

(Don't get too close- the irony of reality!)

He asked me of my daughter

"Is she religious?"

Religion-

I wondered

What does that mean?

After all 

Who cares?

I don't

I believe in GOD!

HE is my religion

Where I find him is my religion 

What religion was Abraham 

He is described as 

An upright man

But what religion was he

He believed

In GOD

That was his religion 

I suppose I am not too far off then

I saw her 

At the gym too-

In her hijab

And I said to her

Eid mabruk!

She lit up 

And we talked

At then end she said

"Thank you"

The raw gratitude so humbling to me

My understanding such a treasured gift 

I know the feeling

It was mutual

Back home I cried a few tears

I saw my lovers

Shoot and kill my brothers

I saw them both bleed

My lovers and my brothers

And the odd thing was

The blood that they bled

Was the same

I laughed for a bit

Through my tears

It's red

Their blood

Both of them

It's red...

What madness

Am I mad?

Or are they mad?

Here I cry and laugh at the same time

It's red 

Their blood 

Both of them

It's red!

I scream

Through my grimace

Am I mad?

Or are they?

What madness is this?

Prisoners of war

Prisoners of pain

Maddened by grief

And GOD only knows

What more-

Prisoners in our mind

Imaginary wars

In imaginary minds

In an imaginary world 

With imaginary lines

We choose to call borders

Yours!

Mine!

(Ours...?)

All of us

Just prisoners

Prisoners of imaginary lies

...

We all bleed red!

We are all the same-

She has to go away-

She has to go away

And I must stay

I have to let her go

My anger cannot keep her

I am angry that she's old

I am angry she was wrong

I am angry 'cos I love her

I am angry 'cos I'm wrong

SO VERY WRONG!

I am not even angry

Maybe I'm scared

Maybe a lot sad

And sometimes even lost...

I saw her eyes today,

As I put on my makeup,

Between my face and the mirror

And they were FULL of LOVE!!!!

I heard HIM speak to me

This is the last time-

You may not ever see

Those loving eyes again...

I went in and I told her

I LOVE YOU MOM

And I know that

YOU LOVE ME TOO

I told her " I am sorry"

She said "please forgive me"

I said "forgive me too"

And just like that...

The past was done.

We had the present moment

We had OUR LOVE

I had MY MOTHER 

And she had ME 

In that moment

We had LOVE

And GOD is LOVE

And she knows

And I know

That she

"Has to go away..."

And

"I must stay."

And we cried-

Because of L O V E 

...

We cried...

But-

GOD is LOVE!

And she knows....

And I know...

Because God and Love

(told us so...)

That she HAS to 

...go away...

And I must stay-

This love

'Tis a many splendored thing, this love-

It shines like grace from the heavens above.

Warms my heart, sets free my soul...

Opens me up-

Makes me whole

Fills me up so I can float

As I scatter onward this blessing I behold

The more I have, the more I give

The more I give- the more I get...

'Tis a many splendored thing, this  love...

Ho'oponopono

I'm sorry,

Please forgive me...

Thank you-

I love you.

The wisdom of letting go and freeing yourself. 

"Out of love comes healing". 

My Reiki teacher stated to me.

And thus was I healed.

And able, in turn to offer healing-

Chocolate brownies-

Brownies are good eats. Rich, moist, sweet... 

They are "happy making" food!

Brownies are also like relationships. Relationships are also "happy making" things- IF they are "healthy" :)

Brownies can be unhealthy too! But not the way I make them. I make amazing "healthy" fat free, protein laden brownies!

The trick is to stick with the healthy in both the relationship and the brownie.

My friend Linda once said,

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I was in the midst of attempting death by carbs last night- very, very late last night. After a horrendous evening I wanted my "happy making" carbs. Caught up in my starch high and processing my thoughts and life events I was pleasantly surprised when my phone ting tinged :)

It was my dear dear friend Bob-

He Facebook messaged me because he saw I was up late and concerned, wrote to encourage me to head to bed since it was that late.

I let him know that I was attempting death by carbs and peanut butter. He chuckled about what a way to go that would be and then proceeded to ask what ailed me.

I told him I was sad and confused by the universe. I told him I was practicing patience. I also told him I was aware that it would all work out in the end...

And then, like always, he spouted his wisdom-

"It will. Until then, 99% of life is showing up, to quote Woody Allen. The other 1% is carbs and peanut butter."

I laughed out loud! And told him I LOVE YOU!

He told me I LOVE YOU back...

Beautiful words those I LOVE YOUs...

The universe may not give me what I want, but it ALWAYS gives me what I need. I needed love last night and got it-

I got love from one of my lifetime people! 

Bob is one of my lifetime people.

That's the thing with lifetime people. They recognize your worth and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. They cherish and adore you. They celebrate and encourage you. Endlessly love you. And vice versa.

Reason people are brought into our lives to bring us messages. They come and go flowing smoothly, impart their messages and then vanish.

Season people are people we had hoped would become lifetime people. But they either did not recognize our worth or did not treat us right... Or we did not recognize their worth and did not treat them right...

The consequence was that a separating was necessitated. Hence the season...

The universe always has a plan. It will guide. Until that plan comes to fruition, I will keep on "showing up!" meanwhile, there's always fat free brownies and peanut butter!

Love and peace-

Ramadan Kareem

96:1 Read! In the name of your Lord who created: 96:2 He created man from a clinging form. 96:3 Read!

Being human-

..."I saw many humans on whom there were no clothes. I saw many clothes in which there were no humans..."

(Rumi-)

Shah...

"May I call you Shah?"

He asked...

I was taken aback for a bit. There was just one other person that called me Shah. 

"Yes..."

I responded, and told him some about Shah. This is the time. The universe will give back to me all that was once taken from me. The timing was all wrong... The persons all wrong...

Divine timing- ripening...

One must await and demonstrate 

Ripening :)

It is a tribe of spirituals that roam this earth- POWs as JT called us...

Those of us that have escaped the cave and like renegades giddy and euphoric we run screaming

Ana al haq....

Free soul

This is my skin...

The one that I was born in

It is a part of me

It glows with life

From within-

You may

Disapprove

And turn up your nose

It will not cringe

It is my skin

And I will never 

Disown 

My own

Skin

To appease

Your whim...

This is my heart

This is my soul

...

And yes

This is my life

I live free

And freedom

Is my right

And not your gift

---

I will not 

Pretend

Subservience

To feed your ego

Mine is well in check

And I have not much

To prove

To you

Or me

Or anyone else

...

This is my bliss

And my

Home

I am not a body

Housing a soul

I AM...

A soul

I have a body 

I have a thought

So be with me 

With my soul

Or be gone

And find your own way

Pollute not

My space

My soul

My skin

My home

...

Sticks and stones...

One by one they cast their stones...

Starting with my blood brother and then followed by my human brothers...

Each had his piece to speak,

And condemn my soul-

And I silent, listened...

I sensed my reactive anger smolder

As indignation took force

And gently, gently... I soothed and calmed my flustered clamor.

"Where were they when in agony I writhed?"

"Where when my wounded body called out in pain?"

Not a one did hear my cry or answer my call and yet,

Today they stand... 

Rocks in hand-

Spittle at the ready

Eager to defame

My name

Or so they claim

---

As they stand 

In judgment 

Over my "shame"

Righteous in this game as they

Threaten me with rejection

And also with religion

---

Where were they when 

They uttered 

The lords name in vain

Even as they played "god"

And cast their rocks

At another human

As if they 

Themselves

Were the owners

Of pristine souls...

---

One by one they cast their stones...

Starting with my blood brother and then followed by my human brothers...

While I silent watched...

And stepped aside

Avoided

Their shots...

My soul now without anger

---

Forgive them lord 

For they know not what they do

---

'Tis easy

So very easy 

To forgive 

Another

When we have forgiven

Ourselves...

Forgive them lord 

For their torment 

And agony

Make them

Crucify

Their brethren

As they know not

What they do-

Without and within

I looked without and I was scared...

I looked within and I found courage-

I looked without and saw confusion...

I looked within and things were clear-

I went outside seeking love and my heart was broken...

I came within and was embraced by endless love-

I went outward and was shackled...

I came within and found freedom-

Love me tender-

"...at the end of the day all anyone wants is just to be loved, I guess..." She said as she broke into sobs.

We will sometimes worship those we love, and those whom we worship we will eventually crucify...

That which we admire we shall also at times envy.

Ben stated to me that the world has historically destroyed its heroes. I wonder  why it is so? We build and we break. To what end? Is it ourselves we seek to destroy or the other? The satisfaction born out of destruction is very short lived I have experienced. We find happiness in synthesis not wreckage, and yet, we plunder and pillage- resources, the world, each other! I wonder if it is pain that seeks destruction?

At the end of the day, all anyone wants is to be loved...

I guess-

It is what it is-

In stark clarity comes awareness 

Despite denial, truth shines through

And whilst it is a bitter pill-

It remains that what is

Alas,

Is...

(And such is life)

Reflections

"Mirror mirror on the wall..."

Upon observing our reflection we learn ourselves...

Such is the mirroring effect-

When offered such a neutral observation, we can objectively face the inner self. In this process a "noticing" happens. When we notice things we are aware-

In awareness the process of change becomes possible.

In my reflected self I was able to see. In seeing I am aware...

As I walked the ocean sands it occurred to me, the meaning of Jesus's words "forgive them lord, for they know not..."

We are a product of our torments. We react out of our torments. Forgiveness is easier to come by when viewed thusly-

In hearing my travel companion speak of higher order functioning, a rising above the primal urges- it struck me. The reasons why so many are stuck in the primal urges. I saw reflected, so much, in that simple statement.

Until a tormented soul has come to peace with the torment, how can it rise above to a higher order function?

In that recognition came the words

..."forgive them lord"...

And such was my understanding as I walked the ocean sands...