Sunday, December 20, 2009

Catch me now-

Flung out in the cold
Alone on the outside
Of a closed and locked door
Can anyone hear my anguish
Do my words make any sense
Am I invisible
If you stab my heart
Will it bleed
Am I alive
If kicked will I scream
If I say hold me now
Will someone catch me
Before I fall
Before I break
Before I shatter
A hollow shell
An empty soul
A broken heart
Hold me now
Catch me now
Before I break

Unheart Me-

Unheart me now
Unfeel the pain
Unlive the day
Undo the ache
Unme the soul
Unhope the expectation
Undesire the memories
Unhurt the break
Unsay the words
Unhang up the hang ups
Unfeel me now
Unfeel me now
Unfeel me NOW

Come numbness
Come embrace
Come unfeeling
Be with me now
Wash over me
Freeze me to the core
Unwarm my heart
Unfeel my soul
Turn me to stone
So I may hurt no more

Unheart me now
Unfeel it all
Undo me
Unravel my whole


It's not if I believe in love...if love believes in me

Oh believe in me-

At the moment of surrender
I folded to my knees

(U2- No line on the horizon...)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

holding on by a thread

picking up the pieces-
of a scattered life,
tossing in the tide,
staring in the mirror,
trying to find myself....
as i hold my breath
time seems that much longer
ache that beats me down
as i try to remember
this too shall pass-

when it breaks-

When a heart breaks
Who hears the crack?
When a world falls apart
Who sees the dust?
When it all goes to waste
What is left behind?
When the tears all run dry
When the phone drops from your hand
An hour after it went dead
And there is no peace to be had yet...
Because the smell still lingers
On and on and on
When no place is to be found
Because every place has a memory
A smell...
A smile...
A sound...
Where do you go?
Where do you sit?
When YOU are everywhere
There is no place to hide...
When YOU are everywhere
There is no peace inside...
When a heart breaks
There is silence
Only silence outside...

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


zindagi bay naam hi sahi
deewangi arzoo hi rahi
justuju bandi ki nakamyab si thi
phir bol meray aqa
kya yeh adhoori ruh qurban huwi?

Monday, December 14, 2009


A familiar ache sets in
Remembered faces flash past
Caught in real time
Yesterdays are relived
Sharp twinge
Catching breath
Failing heart
Hold on

Fallen tears
Echoed whispers
Dewey nights
Lost self
New found wonder
Broken strings
Shattered mirrors
Squandered time

Half remembered
All but forgotten
Sharp out of focus
Like yesterdays can be...

Sunday, December 6, 2009

How close am i?

I cried an ocean
On the inside
I cried for a child
The child within
I sat in remorse
I sat in awareness

How close am I?
How close to getting it all
How close to losing it all
How close am I?
To you...
To me...
To getting you?
To losing you...
To getting me?
To losing me...

When you have defeated yourself for so long
When you have waged a war on yourself
When you have seen
And recognized
And sabotaged
And learned
And unlearned
And stumbled
And bled
And got up
And walked on
And fallen again
And again

How close am i?

To changing

How long is an eternity
What is the measure of a lifetime
What is distance
What is loss
What is gain
Who am I
What am I
Who was I
Who am I to be?
When the being happens

Where are you
Who are you

How close
How far

Are you losing me
Or am I losing me
Am I losing you


Am I just lost?

At the moment of loss I am found
And yet in the finding I get lost...

How close am I to losing
How close am I to loss
How close am I?

Am I in love with loss
Is loss in love with me

Is loss a destination

How close am I?

hero of war

So a lot went through my mind last night when Rise Against sang this one-

Amidst the moshing crowd that went crazy when this one started- I stood in silent thought and pondered-

Conversations I had
With those who've been there
The misery

I waged mine when I returned
I waged and I raged
I surrendered
And I lost
I lashed out and won
BUT what lay in the balance
What was actually gambled
What was the worth
The win
The loss
The surrender

It mattered not...

What is the price of one aching heart?
What is the price of hurting the one that you love?
What is the price of the win?
What is the price of victory?
What is the price of words?
What is the price of a feeling?
What is the price of tears?
What is the price of grief?

What is the price of a human spirit?

Sometimes I just don't understand...
The world-


And truth be told

It is because
At the end of the day

That is the truth
This is my path
And I walk it alone

This is my war
I fight it alone

This is my truth
This is my life
And the truth is
I live it

Hero of war
I wage with my life
Hero of war
I wage with myself
Hero of war
So tired and worn
Hero of war
I fight alone

A hero of war
Has to fight
It out

Hero of War
Hero of war...

broken hearted

it aches
and breaks
and tears me apart

it rips
and shreds
and beats me down

i sit exposed
and cold

and wonder

did I go wrong?

the tears won't stop
the ache

my heart explodes
my spirit's low
i sit still

and try
just try
to breathe

as i whisper

dear heart
hold on
this too shall pass...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Sometimes when it happens it hurts a lot
The highs are high the lows just suck
You open up and give yoursef
You get it back
And then,
And then....
That's when it starts
The fear
The panic
The silly notion
I want you so much!
Do you want me back?
If I stand here
Will you stand with me
If I just sat
Would you sit with me
If I saw it all and dreamed
Would you care to dream with me....
Yes dear love-
I would....

Thing is-
You see
Sometimes when it happens
It hurts a lot
When it happens
LOVE hurts a lot!