Friday, January 18, 2008

Darling do not fear what you don't really know...

I have a friend...
My dearest one in the whole world. We met by accident, at a troubled point in my life and like a breath of fresh air he gave me hope and perspective. The only one I know who would fly halfway across the country for a cup of coffee... He came, we chatted- it was fun. Life collapsed around me and in my darkest hour he was the one I called. Like my rock that gave me strength through the storms he stood by and talked me through the highs and lows. He teased and he believed... We adopted a cat together. Gave it life and watched it grow :P. He knows me well. I tell him all. He gave me so much... and today when I listened to a song he once gave me, I thought of him. Some of the best times of my life have included him.

Here's to you!
Here's to Billa!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Let me fly...

I jump

And plummet down

How far will I fall

Fear is frozen

Time is still

Life is now

Need I despair

Shall I cry out

I cannot be caged

I believe

And heed no warning

The one I am to be will become

I swoop and dive

I am free

I fly

Forever let me fly free


And his hands held the glass so beautifully

How sure and warm his touch

How well she remembered it

How vivid its memory

And that hand brought back such memories

Such passion

Such music

It played in the mists of her mind

Like waves crashing on the sand


Like an elegant orchestra teased his memory

Like the bow of her violin

Gently caressing the strings

Coaxing the music

Softly stroking

Like soft sweet lips

His memory

So beguiling


Like the distant strains

Of the Siren

The windsong

Ever present

Out of reach darling, my treasure, my one true "once and forever love at first sight!"

I watched her dip her wand into the bubble solution and squeal with delight as she twirled and a beautiful tubular concoction of ethereal bubbles spewed in the wake of her majestic movement. Momentarily distracted and entranced I watched, mesmerized as the bubble floated up in the gentle spring breeze- the colors of the rainbow reflecting and bouncing elegantly in the afternoon sunshine. It was a moment of exquisite beauty and serenity. A second frozen, forever in time. An eternity in limbo- trapped in the entanglement of the past, present and future. I held my breath... fearing to exhale, wanting to hold on to my meagre ration of peace.

"Look Mommy!", she cried.

I blinked. The bubble popped. The moment was lost and life continued.

New beginnings... and glimpses of times past

During my yearly tradition of a trip down memory lane which I always engage in at the start of a new year, I came across this one... I wrote this in the summer of '07
Random thoughts I wrote down one night. Upon rereading, I was startled at the intensity of the emotions stated.

Your memory took my breath away just now...
my heart explodes and shrinks.
I cannot breathe.
I see you as you sit across from me on that chair,
I watch you as you write...
You lean forward to kiss me,
Where are you?
I feel your soul...
I need your soul.
I am consumed by your memory.
I am incinerated by the image of our souls.
Locked in their timeless dance...
Gaze into my eyes...
Let me gaze into yours.
Let my soul speak to yours,
one more time...
My soul cried out for yours today.
It tore at the bars I placed in its way.
It broke free,
and danced with joy at the sight of your memory...
My subdued and broken will cried an ocean of tears.
I could not contain my soul-
It danced with your memory
Jealously protecting your essence in its embrace.
It would not let me erase you from my being.
I shall carry you with me always.
And yet, never have you.
I have no need of you,
But what of your soul?
Mine has laid claim to yours...
I am helpless.
Torn apart.
I laugh for joy in ecstasy...
Or do I cry in the depths of despair?
I do both.
Soul in exaltation...
Will and reality in defeat.
Now I know I have felt true love.
It has a life of its own...
I do not own it.
I cannot control it.
It does what it will.
It asks nothing of me,
But that it be set free...
just to be,
to remember,
to dance.
It feels joy in the warmth of our souls' connection.
It pays homage to our sacred bond.
Like a pilgrim round its Ka'abah...
Labbaik! I come...
It flies to you...
to your memory,
to your essense,
to your being,
to your spirit.
While here my body-
My earthly shell
I have no control over it
I dance.
The dance of my soul.
While tears flow,
down my cheeks.
I now understand
the trance of the dervish.
How he dances
in himself.
In his beloved,
he is lost.
He has nothing to give
and nothing left to lose...
he has at last
with his love.
Their souls have blended.
Become one.
If only in memory...
And so he dances.
With joy.
With ecstasy.
The soul is at peace on a different plane.
The body and will in torment.
Like a drug
you fill my being
But it is not you.
It is your spirit.
My eyelids are heavy as I begin to hallucinate.
I feel the warm desert sand beneath my bare feet.
In the dusk of the setting sun,
I can smell the musky odor of your skin-
taste the salt of my tears on my lips.
There is such peace
and yet such emptiness-
Such a sense of being
and yet
a sense of vastness.
I am FOUND at the same moment that I am LOST...
I hear the flutes play and the drums,
"Come to Salavation"
I am in a trance.
I am high.
Like a mirage is our dance.
So vivid.
So real,
Yet merely a reflection.
Here now,
and gone in a second.
It is like our LOVE.
We feel it
And then,
It eludes us.
Keeping us forever guessing...
Is it real?