Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Thou shalt exist in pairs!!

Now when exactly did that occur- the universal expectation that one MUST be mated?? I am perplexed. As a content and mightily happy single woman(divorced, yes)but single nonetheless, I see no rhyme or reason why a single lifestyle has any less to offer.

I am prompted to write this post by stumbling upon a fan site that actually polled its members to see who would marry me! I kid you not. It is an orkut fan site of Alpha Bravo Charlie- and has the following poll

how many people want to marry shanaz khan

- if she is dieworsed------------------------------------------- 2 votes
- diewirsed with 2 children------------------------------------- 2 votes
- in any case u will agry--------------------------------------- 4 votes
- because she is good by nature and stright forward-----------7 votes

after my initial indignation over the incorrect spelling of my name (I am very sensitive about that) (the name is Shahnaz!!!) and my nitpickiness about the spelling in general, I take a closer look at the poll itself.

These are peope who have never met me, do not know me, have never spoken to me or, otherwise, are oblivious to the essence of who me is. Yet 15 people voted!!

In addition it is the categories that made me chuckle.

2 people would marry me if I was divorced! (or dieworsed- am I to assume that to be dieworsed I have to die and then worse... :P)

2 if I was "diewirsed" with 2 children. (so i need to have one more kid?? after which these two can marry me??)

4 would marry me no matter what! (wow!! i like the idea of that. it's like a get out of jail free pass for holy matrimony- those i may actually consider... but one does wonder if they would also stay married no matter what, as in i am not domestic. i would rather not cook, clean, and other such housekeeping sundries).

7 would marry me because I have a good nature and am "stright" forward.

Now they are on target as far as me being straight forward goes. I am honest to a fault. I cannot lie to save my life and unless you can handle the TRUTH don't ask me the question- You may not be very happy with the answer! I like to believe I am good natured... most of the time, okay some of the time at least. I definitely have my moments. I can be completely unreasonable when PMSing (I am allowed that!) I like to b pampered and spoiled. I can be an UBER bitch it's true!... so how does one manage the seven who expect good naturedness indefinitely??

Hmmm 'tis quite a dilemma, I must admit.

It is to date one of the most interesting polls I have snooped through that pertain to me.

Incidentally was also amused to learn of a gentleman who claims he knows me! Not only does he know me, but he very self assuredly states that I am married to one Mr. Mehmood Ali!! So Mr. Mehmood Ali- wherever you are, will you please step forward sir! I need to know who you are. I know I have been distant, see, but it is only on account that I was NOT AWARE we were wedded! Please do make yourself known. I am quite curious as to who you may be!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Another Update...

The John situation: (posted here because I can't possibly reply to the tons of comments and 'please do not post but i was wondering' messages...)

So he texted me the next night- to say he had been thinking about me. Which was very sweet really. What woman doesn't want to know that she is thought about.... eh?

And then he called the following night to see when would be a good night for dinner. I politely declined due to school and work commitments and also mentioned that I am currently sort of seeing someone. He responded with, "bring him along too... or don't if he isn't a jealous sort of guy! And one can never have too many friends... and all."

My schedule is sort of crazy with school and work and kid and it was hard to find a free moment... so I had to decline his very generous offer. And thus ended the John situation on the note that if ever I had some free time and was open to the idea of dinner, we'd get in touch to have a good laugh. He was a complete gentleman and very nice and so endeth the John situation.



For fleeting moments
Lost and found
For cherished laughter
Shared, remembered...
For poems sent
And talks had
For walks
And lakes
And drives...
For confessions made
In drunkenness
Yet honest and true
Because it was you
I felt I could speak it to...
For Lilac Wine
And Little Girl Blue
And yes...
For Hallelujah too...

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Friday, January 23, 2009

Update on LOL!!

So folks, guess what....

Well my mother is a quite something. I've always wondered at it. I know I have hippy parents and mom has the knack for making me confess to any and all crimes without any effort whatsoever... but she can be really, really conniving!!

This is what she does!

She calls me from DC to let me know that she landed safely and is at the gate ready to board her International flight shortly. And then just like that she drops the ball.

"So bachay, that was some funny situation hunh?" (Mom)
(Stunned silence) (Me!!)
"Well you could have helped me out mom!" (Me)
"I thought about it.... but then I thought no... let me just stand back and simply enjoy this one!" (MOM!!!)

Now mom is a sociologist it's true and this is like her element.... observing social interaction in natural habitat! But sheesh! I am her daughter and she needs to observe less and help more!!! And I swear I detected a hint of a chuckle in her voice. I confronted her about it.

"Oh yeah!" she says, "I had a good laugh about it with one of the other passengers on the plane who saw the whole thing! He said your face was worth a million!!" (MOM)

I splutter over the phone and out pours a tirade of reproach! Unfortunately her flight is being announced and so she can't hear too well and completely misses my indignant speech! She needs to board she states and wishes me love and hugs and... click! is off the line!

So I am cheated out of the satisfaction of having my little tantrum also! At least for the next howevermanyhours it takes to get to Islamabad!

I am very disgruntled!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


Some days even I have a hard time believing my life! I kid you not...

So picture this:

Mom was leaving to travel back to Pakistan today. We had company over and were running just a tad bit late.... But we get to the airport in time and amid the fluster of getting bags out of the trunk (her suitcase was overweight... I knew it. I mentioned it. She said it wasn't. I kept my peace but muttered under my breath!!)finding quarters for the parking meter and making it inside I was completely unprepared for what occurred next....

We get to the United counter. The lady was on the phone and so she called over "John" to assist. Now John was completely sweet and nice. He gave us a quick look over, took mom's tix and proceeded to inquire where she was headed, you know, the regular chit chat. And then it started.

John says, "Going to Pakistan? hmmmm... Islamabad? Why would you want to leave?"
And then he glances my way. I chuckle and respond, "I agree." Why not just stay longer hunh, mom?"
John looks at mom and says, "So do you have a son in law? Is that why you are leaving? Because you don't have a son in law!"

Now for those familiar with my mom and her constant mission to see me mated (please read my "Rishta's" post!)you can understand my panic through which I blurted out to John...

"Oh please don't encourage her... it's a long story!" (Me)
"Ahh... so that IS why you're leaving... you don't have a son in law!" (John)
"I don't!" (Mom) (and she looks at me Very pointedly)
"Well you got a daughter... I'll marry her!!" (John)

I am NOT kidding! He said that. I was floored and for once in my life, completely at a loss for words! I did what I do best when confounded into silence. I giggled and blushed (now blushing is not something I do very often!) and giggled and then I laughed and just looked at my mom with a, "now you've gone and done it!" look.

Now mom just does nothing, no reaction at all. So while all this is going on he is printing her boarding cards and wrapping up the confounded golf clubs that my brother called and insisted she bring (last minute too!) and taking great care to do it right in plastic and bubble wrap and tape and fragile stickers.

"So I notice there is no ring on that hand..." (John)

I stick my left hand deep into my coat pocket!! And I think by now there is quite a number of people on either side and behind us... all very bemusedly observing- quite shamelessly I might add. At a loss for words I laugh some more and look very uncomfortable (Where the heck is my wit? And what sort of a comeback is to be made in such an instance??)

Mom meanwhile seems to have tuned everything out. She is deeply concerned that the clubs get done right and insists on more 'Fragile' stickers (John happily obliges) until the darn package looks like a Jolly "Fragile" Red and white Driver and 9 iron Santa!!!

"Now if there was a son in law, you would not be in a rush to leave would you?"

(Mom mutters under her breath- and yet both myself and John catch it)
"If there was a son in law I would dance in the streets all night!!!!" (Mom)

-SEE!! Do you see what I deal with!!! Desi Parents!! There needs to be a support group in place to help us survive them!!!

I blush to high heaven...(again I NEVER blush, but this just gets worse and worse...) John looks over just as the pink hits my ears- I can FEEL the blush spread and John, well, he laughs out loud! I look at him and then look away, by now completely humiliated. I lug the stupid heavy suitcase onto the scale and hide my face for a second while doing that!

So her bag is overweight! John makes a few suggestions. The suitcase is opened. Some heavy stuff removed. And I gratefully take the opportunity to walk to my car to deposit said hefty items and hence get away from what is turning out to be quite a situation!

I return. Things are almost done and I cautiously approach. Mom has her boarding cards in hand and due to past experience looks to John and enquires about a white
I-94 exit form on her passport.

"Don't you need to detach this?" (Mom)
"Hmmm... I'm not sure, but let's find out!" (John) (and he proceeds to call in the troops to help. Troops arrive. Said form is detached and stapled to her port of exit- Washington DC, boarding card. Some more conversation ensues... The troop winks our way and badda bing badda bam! We are done!)

Mom proceeds to start putting her things away and that is when it happens!
John looks at me and says,
"So we're having dinner right?"
(Stunned look!!) (Me)
(Huge chuckle...) (United Troops)
(Blush) (Me)
(Complete indifference and deeply engrossed in sorting her travel documents...) (MOM!!!)
(At a loss!) (Me)
(Interested giggle) (Someone behind me)

"So I'm dead serious..." (John)
(evidently!) (ME)
"I'm a nice guy..." (John)
"Oh no.... I'm sure you are!" (Me)
"So it's done then!" (John)
"Let me do this right, I would love to take you out to dinner. May I have your number and give you call?" (John) (Pulls out a piece of paper and a comically huge pen) (It's funny but my facial expression is probably one of consternation at the size of that pen! It is like one that my daughter has that she bought at her book fair!!)

I am sorta in a bind now. What to do? I look at mom who very conveniently is busy sorting out her stuff!! Sheesh....

I reach over and take the pen and jot down my digits.

John looks them over and enquires when is a good time to call... I mumble late evening... and then sort of make my way to the security check with mom, not daring to glance back!

Give mom a hug goodbye and wait while she makes her way through security clearance. Several passengers go past and give me a huge grin. I am afraid to guess if they were those standing behind me while the whole John situation evolved or whether they just think I'm cute.

A tall, sharply dressed, green eyed man walks past and gives me a huge smile.... my heart skips a beat! (He's cute and hey I have a weakness for green eyed men!)

Once past the initial check point and in line for the x ray scanners he stops and looks at me and says,

"So will you see me off too?"(green eyed, sharply dressed, cute man!)
I smile... "Sure" I say...
"That smile just makes the trip worth while..."(green eyed man!)
(What a day! I think..)
"Yeah.. a smile does help I guess..." I mumble...
"No, YOUR smile does..." (Cute green eyed man!)
"Oh!" I giggle again... (I am such a ninny!!)(WTF was my brain and witty banter??)
What a day!

I see mom get past the security. I blow her a huge kiss and wave goodbye... and then scurry out of there...

What a day, what a day... all in Life a la Shahnaz!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


So for those who know how excited I am that he is Pres this is not news... but I thoroughly enjoyed his inauguration speech. I feel a change in the air. For someone who has seen discrimination first hand in many different parts of the world by all people alike- To live in a country where Obama is elected president is the most amazing thing ever.

I am a proud American Yesterday! ( yeah well I'm late posting this...)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Mission (not) Impossible- The hunt for a "Gharayloo Husband"!!!

Okay folks this is a fabulous thing!!
But first some background....

(Girly chit chat)
So my friend Saad, an MIT grad student, is off to Sao Paolo Brazil for about a month. (Which BTW is where I was supposed to be too, but due to the lack of moolah $$$ I am sadly not sunning myself on the sultry beaches of Latin America!)But I get distracted from my main point. See the thing is that I was chatting with his wife Asy(who is NOT in Brazil with him) on facebook- that social networking wonder... and we were trading stories of the fabulous fun of having your mum visit and spoil you silly when talk tured to Saad.

She informed me that she misses him (awwwwww.... eyeroll....!!!)and I can see why. Saad is a sweet man. She also informed that there is never a dull moment for her when he is around. I can imagine, I know the chap an he's fun! Anyway, right about now is when she grumbles about how during his semester break- the man has become almost nocturnal. I can relate. Over my break from school I have been up all night and slept past noon every day!! In his (read MY) defense I offer on his behalf

"Well Asy, there's nothing wrong with that!"
Asy: "He always wants something to eat when he's up late..."
ME: "Yeah... I have to fix my OWN late late night snacks... (I am getting a little envious now, imagining how wonderful it must be to ahve snaks prepared for you but just making a request...)
Asy: "I wish I had a wife to take care of me..."
ME: "Hey while you're looking for one for you, find me one too....!"
Asy: (after a little reflective pause) do you want a gharayloo one or one who works?
ME: "lol... I don't know... Hmmm.... What do you suggest?"
Asy: (after another thoughtful pause) You definitely need a gharayloo one! That way you can go off and do want you want and there will be someone to take care of you."

I was by now in stitches over the humor but still very poignant nature of this discussion. Asy had a point... and then it hit. Was it? Could it be possible to have a gharayloo HUBBY???

ME: "Hey Asy listen... can one get a husband like that"
Asy: "I wish!!"
ME: "hmmmm... can one have a ghrayloo hubby..??"
Asy: "They are very rare."
ME: "But they exist?? That's it. I want a gharaloo hubby!!"
Asy: They never study. They never work."
ME: "Where do you find them?"
Asy: "They are the land owners..."
ME: "OH! Na bhai naa!! Those are WADERAS!!"
Asy: "No no..."
ME: "bas phir Asy! done deal. Mission not impossible! I am on the hunt for a gharayloo hubby. In fact that shall be my new year's resolution. This year I resolve to start my hunt for a gharayloo hubby!"

(Much laughter)

(Chat at home later in the day)
ME: Ami, I think I want a gharayloo husband.
Ami: Hain???
ME: LOL.... Yeah Asy thinks I should get one.
Ami: silence and a look...
ME: But think of it. This is modern times....
Ami: (laughter)Bachay you would get bored with a gharayloo hubby
Bubba Jee: Mommy what a garay-whatever husband?
Ami and Me: laughter
Bubba Jee: Much offended: You don't have a husband!
Me: Hurray for that!
Bubba Jee: Is a gharay-whatever husband like a regular husband?
Ami: That is the million dollar question!
Bubba Jee:I don't get it. I'm bored with this gharay husband!
Ami: I rest my case!

(FAcebook Status change- "Asy has me convinced that what I need is a gharayloo hubby!")

Fuzzball thinks that any hubby can be made gharayloo- it just takes time and work. A lot of time and a lot of work!
Saad believes that gharayloo husband and ghar damaad are one and the same thing.

But this certainly has me wondering.
A gharayloo husband...
Imagine the bliss-
Imagine the joy-
I'm bored.

I have to admit, though.
Ami knows me pretty well.
Upon extensive imagining, I find myself bored already. Hmmmm.
Okay then...

But seriously. It sounds intriguing. The concept, I mean. And the breed...
It's not for me- it's true. But still what an idea...

Sunday, January 4, 2009

C'est amour!

When it happens
You will know
When it hits you
With a gale force wind
You will know

When in love
You will know

The irony is
You only realize
That you are...
You only know
That you love...

When you lose it
Or almost lose it

That is when
It hits
Like a storm
It rages

That you love...
You Love

The lucky few
Get to salvage
The woeful many
Only lose
Their love

If nothing lasts-
Then how can love?
If nothing lasts-
Then how does love?


Have I loved you every time...

In ageless moments
In timeless ways
We loved
You and I

What if every love
I had
Was you

What if each time
I fell
For you

What if all the faces
I saw
Were you

What if all the places
I was
With you

So many times
So many places
So many lives
So many faces

What if all
Were you
With you

Could that be true
Would that be you

Saturday, January 3, 2009

A Kiss...

(Oil on canvas- 11"X14" Painted 1/3/09)

For words that made me feel
For love that was real
For loving me "enough to let me love another..."
For loving me all your life
For loving me all my life
For letting me cry
For hearing me out
For conversations
And thoughts
Written and shared
For knowing me in many lifetimes, many places
I give to you...
A kiss
Wild as the wind...
My gift to you
My love...

Friday, January 2, 2009

New Year New Resolutions?

Yeah I don't do RESOLUTIONS!!

But here is what I have decided needs to happen this year!

- Graduate
- Get a Job
- Finish my script
- Make a movie(or at least get started on it...)
- Jump out of plane- Again
- Skinny dip- Again
- Tango more often
- Salsa more often
- Worry less
- Moonlight Madness
- This That And The OTHER!!!!
- Mostly, The OTHER


Auld Lang Syne!

I am Happy.
I am content.
I am where I need to be.
Life is GOOD!

Au Revoir 2008
Bonjour 2009

Harvard knights and twits!

So does a Harvard degree make you astute?

I dunno!

There is this Harvard boy I know.... well I know a few but this one is "special". See I turn to him in desperate times and ask for help. Hoping he shall swoop down in his shining armour and rescue me and be my knight!


He is not quite a knight. On the contrary- every time I have despairingly called on him for help (what TV shall I get?? my account has been hacked! help me my guy is driving me bananas!!! dude how do I....???) you name it I've asked it.


He always is THERE. Just very useless about solving the problems. But the "being there" part is kinda nice... and his eventual inefficacy actually quite hilarious. So while he is totally useless in the "help" department, he and I have a fab time and end up laughing hysterically over the situations I get myself into and his complete uselessness in bailing me out.

I call him -Ka Nig Git-

As in -K Ni Ght-....
He is no Knight but he is definitely still a K Nig Ght!!!

So anyway... Kaniggit has had a TWIT fall for him. She is a stalker... the really scary kind. He asked me for help yesterday... Yeah I do bail him out- all the time!

I know- For lack of a better knight I am my OWN DAMN KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR!!!
(Recall those "He went to Jared's" TV ads?? Well someone asked me once if girls went to Jared's hoping some guy would bye them a diamond. I gagged. I told him I'd go to Jared's and get my own damn diamond! Who wants to wait on a dude???)(As a matter of fact. The first year I was separated, I traded my old wedding ring in for a LOVELY "INDEPENDANCE" ring to celebrate my freedom from bonded labor!! It was a hoot. My friends and I had a ball. The ring is awesome. It is a right hand ring that celebrates "ME" instead of the left hand ring that is "we"!! Yeah good times dude... good times...)

But I digress.


So Kaniggit needed my help.

Those who know me, know that I have a complete lack of tolerance for stupidity and fluff. (That is why my bimbo had to go!)

Anyway- I gave Kaniggit my take on the situation and told him all about Twits. He was judgemental and called me a twit hater! Sigh... I am no hater. Just extremely astute and have no patience and time to waste on twits. So anyway. We disagreed. He did his piece and this morning...

The Coup de grĂ¢ce !!
His IM message

Kaniggit: Dude, much as I hate to admit it- you were right!!
Kaniggit: Well, she's crazy dude.
KAniggit: Yeah, so anyway...
ME: AHAHAHAHA Hugs Kaniggit me man!

So while Harvard shall grant him their diploma- eh.. Kaniggit, my dear friend, shall forever never live down the day that he was a twit lover!!

HUGS babe...