Friday, October 31, 2014

I am a fool

I am a drifter
I cannot
Or money 
Tedious, dull

I am a seeker
For truth
In this world
Of fake

I am a vessel
Housed within
Is my soul
My heart
And also my mind
Trying to align and 

I am a novice
And then doing it 
All over again

Some days
I am blind
Some days
I see
At times
I am a fool and sometimes
I am wise

I am blind
A novice 
In a vessel-
A fool

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Your heart won't let you forget

Why deny the truth of your heart?
Your heart won't let you forget
Why turn away from love
Reason won't make love end
All the turns and twists along the way
You think
You act
And yet
Your heart will bring you back
Why deny the truth of your heart...?
Your heart won't let you forget-

Monday, October 27, 2014

If they could they would-

"How could they see anything but the shadows if they were never allowed to move their heads?"
Plato- the allegory of the cave

I spoke with a soul today
He saw 
I shared
We conversed
And it was uplifting.

Of those who have not yet discovered
The journey into the self
How can one expect?
That was my wisdom for today...
If they could, they would-
And just like that comes an abundance of understanding and acceptsnce and patience.

Learning the art of existence
How to be in this world, but not of this world-

And many before me have spoken the same. The wisdom in the universe is one. Many arrive at it from different paths and at different times...

"It is the task of the enlightened not only to ascend to learning and to see the good but to be willing to descend again to those prisoners and to share their troubles and their honors, whether they are worth having or not. And this they must do, even with the prospect of death." Plato- the allegory of the cave

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Life and meaning...

Like my thoughts I die and am reborn each day- Rumi

Each night lost
I cry myself to sleep
It makes no sense
This world
It makes no sense to me
I see people
Chasing after things
All day long
They scurry from place to place
I lie awake 
I see the walls
The roof
The things
In my room
They are just things
And the world
Makes no sense
I fall asleep 
I awake
The same walls
The same room
The same things
And then it happens
My meaning
A dark eyed
With dark curly hair
And sleepy eyes
Steps into my space
And with her comes
The scent of heaven
And light
So much light...
My heart cracks open
And my eyes tear up
She is beautiful
And it all makes sense again
And meaning
With love
And for me
Bug is love-

Saturday, October 25, 2014

The Samurai and I

He grounds my soul and sooths my spirit
The Samurai...
He listens as I speak
Holds the space as I break
And then he shows me
My true self

He is strong enough
To embrace
All the feelings
I bring to him
Strong enough to understand
I need to speak
I don't need fixing 

He sees and knows 
My soul
I've known his a long time too
Our paths weave
And meet
And on occasion

He loves me
And I him
The Samurai

Sunday, October 19, 2014

On my knees...

The thing about a broken back is,
I find myself either face down on the floor 
Or on my knees often-
Both, I have discovered 
Are an excellent position
For me to pray

I vowed 
When I was very little
That if I ever bowed my head
It would only be before God
So it is fitting that it is bowed often before Him now

Another thing about being down there
Is that I am learning how to fight 
From the ground
It is a different kind of fight
One I am not used to
I usually fight on my feet
I am quick on my feet
But I guess
The Lord
In his wisdom decided
I needed to learn how to fight
A different way

I learn fast once acceptance kicks in
Humility follows
And then comes turmoil
The struggle of impatient ones
Over eager novices
Like myself

But like I read somewhere
"What is to give light must endure burning..."
I shall endure
And burn
And while on the floor face down
And on my knees
I shall say a prayer
Each time
To Him
That is 


Thursday, October 16, 2014


I am more than my physical form
I am more than what I seem
I am a soul
And when I see
What I am
I have no fear
Fear is a physical thing
Faith is a soul thing
When I have faith
I am without fear
Not fear less...
For I am never less than
Or more than
I am a soul
And a soul
 A soul is!
A soul 

Sunday, October 12, 2014


On the drive home
As the Bug and I talked
About life
And strife
I looked over
And saw her cry
"What's up Bug?"
"These are tears of respect mom, you have no idea how much I love and respect who you are, and how amazing you are!"
And just like that
It comes full circle
I don't need much validation
But validation from the Bug
Moon and stars

Friday, October 10, 2014

The love that never was...

This reminds me of me when I was little-

I would run away from home... Say my goodbyes before I left in hopes that someone would ask me to stay- no one ever did...

So I would leave in hopes that someone would come after me- but no one ever did.

Forever after we continue to chase the love that was not returned- all the while missing out on the love that was waiting with open arms.

Today I am struggling to learn how to recognize the love that is always there-

Everyday a new lesson. 


The universe will give me everything I need-
(This one from Hanya all the way from England, comes at such a timely hour to remind me of a truth I will need to propel me forward... Her words "this one is for you, about you...")

It is a wonderful thing to be loved, truly loved for everything that I am!

With a smile I will walk on-

Monday, October 6, 2014

Defining moments

There are these moments when it happens...
An awareness-
It doesn't just dawn on you
It hits you in the face 
Like a ton of bricks
And every fibre of your being and existence is aware
And in congruence
The moment when you realize 
Your truth
You get up
And shed all the lies
You bought into
And a being ness happens
A solidifying occurs
All your blurry edges become clear 
And you become 
A stronger
More refined
Well defined

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Eid and hajj mabruk-

When He calls you go...

Eid Mubarak to all

Friday, October 3, 2014

Soul love

When your soul calls
They will hear it
And they will find you first 
Before any other can reach you
They will reach you first
Oceans do not matter
Continents do not matter
Your soul love
Will hear you
And be beside you
Distance does not matter
They will watch the view
Sitting on a bench with you
Your physical presence is not needed
Your soul love will find you
Your soul will sit with theirs
In a lab
Or in your home
On a damp Friday afternoon
Your soul love
Will be with you

Thursday, October 2, 2014

The last word

When an ending happens
Words are exchanged
Each is trying to explain
Each to say a goodbye
Each wants to do it in a way
That eases pain
Self and other 

In that conversation
Is the last word
One parting jab
That needs to be inflicted
To absolve the "self"
And indict the other

To say 
"You were wrong"
"This is what it really is"

There will always be two subjective versions of that reality

Truth will be a constant
But there will be different realities
For both

I received the last words
Last night

I had my moment of awakening
And it was huge

The wound is where 
The light enters
I was wounded by those last words
It is strange
How the words
"I love you"
Uttered in parting
Can inflict a wound
But they did

I am glad they did

I said them once
To another as my parting words
I must have wounded him 

We must each do what we do
To keep our egos fed
I fed mine with those words
And high and mighty in my head
I thought I took the high road
The only road I took was the lies 
I fed to myself

It is foolish to say a goodbye 
An I love you...

If you love
Don't say goodbye
If it is goodbye
Don't leave your heart behind

I am grateful for that understanding 
I am grateful for the wound
These last words have inflicted
On me
The wound is where the light enters...

My wound will keep
My heart
Wide open
And a heart that is open
Will always love

Love will always find
An open heart

Real love lasts
From an open heart
And received 
By an open heart
And so I smile

That one is yet to come
So let this be goodbye

It takes two open hearts
To dance 
The tango of love

That one is yet to come

I surrender to the situation
And will let it change me
So that what is mine
May find its way
To me 
And I
To it-