Sunday, February 17, 2008
I turn 30 next Friday. It is, as they call it, one of the "big ones" I find myself reminiscent regarding that which is past, and wondering about what is yet to be.
I took a look at my "evolution" album today, and had my scanner not been completely uncooperative I would've shared some of my evolution (baby-present day) pics with you folks. But technology is not one of my strong points. I wonder what my strong points are. Excessive self awareness often renders us unsure. The process of learning about who I am and correcting the blind spots as they come to light, has had the effect of leaving me blurry at the edges. Like a picture out of focus.
With self discovery comes acceptance. With acceptance a certain kind of peace. With peace came a yearning to revisit the past. I was overcome with a longing for sounds from my past... and the miracle of youtube made it possible to do that. Here is a melody that haunts my memory...
Long gone is the innocence of childhood. Yet this soul full melody brought to life lazy afternoons on the beach at Lake Victoria. Flashes of memories played like a movie on the landscape of my mind. Childhood, Maidenhood, Womanhood, Motherhood. Phases of my life. Accomplishments. Losses. Love. Friends.
I wrote to a friend today...tried to mend what was broken. I let go of some people who I could no longer hold onto. I made peace with some parts of myself. I came to terms with certain realities today.
I felt pride in never having compromised on the things that I believe in. I basked in the recognition of a life well lived. I have few regrets. I choose to live fully and unafraid. I take risks. I often lose. I win just as often. And miracle of miracles.... I feel content today. I am ready. I shall move on. I embrace a new decade. I face the big 30 with a flutter of excitement in my tummy. There is still much living to be done.
I am at peace with myself.
Life has been good to me.
I look forward to tomorrow...
I love to be spoiled. Let's face it who doesn't? The consequence of having lived in Uganda and Pakistan is that little luxuries like foot massages and foot-baths are easy to come by. Now in the fast paced American culture such pampering is often hard to schedule in. As is a charming evening beside a fire that includes jazz music and foot-baths. The same is true for the feel of raindrops on your face and stimulating conversation under the stars. For cases like these a little spontaneity goes a long way....
So raise your glass high. A toast.
To spontaneity and bubbles... and dancing to jazz a la "moondance" beside the fire.
Monday, February 11, 2008
In this fast paced world , doesn't it strike one as odd that we have designated a "day" for love. Commercialized it to such a degree that even the most stellar Romeo, were he to forget this one day of love, would be forever doomed to have defiled love itself...
I have friends who do not believe in Valentine's day and yet feel compelled to explain to everyone that they have not received anything from their beau because they do not "do" valentines... (then why all the explaining??) And I have friends who will bring their goodies in to the workplace or to school simply to display their bountiful ration of love.
I just chuckle knowingly at both. For the social voyeur that I am, this "day for love" provides a truckload of fodder for my idle and curious mind. That said... I am particularly partial to flowers and chocolate but the most touching valentine I ever received was an original poem written especially for me, sent via e mail after I had let my beau know I had been seriously slighted by his neglect of the day for love.
I have yet to receive a valentine that can top that one.
Happy lovin' folks, and until next time