Monday, June 25, 2012


"I want you so bad I'm going back on the things I believe...
There I  just said it- I'm scared you'll forget about me..."

Friday, June 22, 2012


in the haze of
sleep deprivation
and excess
i sat
this feeling of
a lazy dissatisfaction
with everything
the gluttony of my
even as i am aware
the dilemma of type
take a breather
slow down
in self
on thought a while...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

ocean storms

the self is an ocean

"i feel cut loose...", i stated
"you are cut loose- but you have had to do that" she responded

and in the warmth of love and compassion
of people who are touched by us and whom we touch
who see into our depths and whose depth is revealed to us
like waves overlapping
we find and are found
we cry and are comforted
a family of sorts is formed
a family of choice is created
sadness happens
and joy too
and thus the journey
of life is lived
one step
one day
one breath
at a time

be you

the self is an ocean-
gently rippling
madly breaking

the teaspoon

a while back
and once upon a time
i called on ken
to give me wisdom
he gave me a virtual teaspoon
and told me to dig
i have been digging since
and boy oh boy
how to describe
the highs the lows
the joy and flow
once the dust and grime are sifted through
the essence of self sinks in
and peace returns
until the next layer must be dug through...
digging and sifting
with my teaspoon

your face

i fill my days with activity
i run and go go go
always on the move
it helps me forget you
for a while...
and then
in the wee hours of the night
after i have beaten my body down
and worn my mind out
and eaten a tub of ice cream
and a jar of peanut butter
and as i am brushing my teeth and washing my face and my feet
and john mayer, or snow patrol or OAR or lifehouse croon in my ear
and some of our songs linger on the airwaves
my heart is awakened again
and from the icy depths of the chill i have numbed it into
so that i will not think of you
the warmth of our lost love returns
and with it the longing ache
and i crawl into bed
and turn and rest my head
in the space where your neck and shoulder met
in that empty space beside me
the tears fall
and dampen my sheets and pillow case
as i look at your beautiful face
and caress the screen that holds it
as i kiss you good night
and cry myself
yet again to sleep
and in the morning
i wake up and repeat

Monday, June 4, 2012

wanting and having

"I know what I want..."

some days i am clueless
if i did
then i would
because i know i could
exactly what i want!

the dilemma of
a 7
always wanting
something new
always chasing
new excitement
ever tired
and on the move
all while seeking
gentle solitude
a place to roost
to settle down
and yet petrified
that one would
die out
go up
in a puff of smoke
if one were to stop

gentle heart
tired soul
take a breather
stop a while
smell the roses
the flavor
of life
and worry not
what you might miss

stay instead
closely intent
on being