Friday, August 29, 2014

Live out loud! 💀

Sometimes when the wind blows
You must dig your heels in
Tuck in your chin 
And weather the storm

The brave know this fact
The anxious fall apart

Life has it all
And so much more

Try not to get too attached to any of it
All are temporary-

Life is about living
That's right living is present tense
Be in your present state
Whatever that state may be

Live out loud!

Sunday, August 24, 2014

The plight of the world

I find myself at times disgusted and at times overwhelmed because of the plight of the world...
Disgusted because I "expect"... (The devil of all emotions is that-expectation) a higher standard of conduct from a human. Overwhelmed because of the cognitive dissonance created in my mind as a result of the actual reality of this world and it's contradiction with my expectation.

I am in a bit of an existential dilemma here. Must one be devoid of all expectation? I am struggling with accepting the massacre of humans as a normal reality. While it is prudent to accept reality as it is, is it not criminal for me to accept this massacre? I am dealing with the reality that so many are already dead, but how is one supposed to deal with the reality that so many are still going to be dead because war wages on?

I have turned to spirituality and psychology and all state that balance comes from acceptance of our limits. But what if you wanted to push those limits? What if some of the limits we are expected to live in are the very ones that have allowed such carnage to perpetuate and grow.

I turn to Darwinism and the animal kingdom and what I see happening in the world is something WORSE than what happens in nature. In nature, survival of the fittest and natural selection are at least in balance and proportion.

In the homo sapien species a systematic process of elimination to the point of near extinction is being carried out. Psychologically speaking, a psychopathic breed of ruthless human is being steadily fed on the blood and flesh of the non psychopathic.

What happens in the end. What if all are eliminated except for the psychopaths?
Will they not turn on each other? They most assuredly will.

In the end the most bloodthirsty will remain and naught else.

It makes me a little less concerned with mundane things like wealth and social status. A lot more attuned to love and loved ones and the beauty surrounding me that is this life and the beautiful world we live in. There is a strange peace in that beauty and that understanding that brings some semblance of "acceptance".

If all is for naught, then I'd rather have loved than be rich. I'd rather have felt and expressed than held it all in. I'd rather have seen this beautiful earth and tasted life and lived... 
While I still have life-

Thursday, August 21, 2014

For Bug- with love...

You'll be okay
My little bug
You're all bewildered
And confused
And this big world 
Before you looms...
But I know this
You'll be just fine-

You may struggle
And even fall
Win a thing or two
And sometimes lose
Get things right
And make some mistakes
Lose your way
And find it back
Get derailed
And crawl back on
But in the end
You will see
You will triumph
And be who you were 
Always meant to be
This I see
Because in you
I see courage
I see strength
I see talent
And wisdom...
All heaven sent

I see joy
And a heart so sweet
I see mischief
And playful tricks 
I see passion
And headstrong willfulness
I see defiance
And stubborn spirit
I see love
And vulnerability
I see anger
And forgiveness 
I see a maiden
Ready to blossom
I see her flexing her wings for flight-
And yet,
I see you hesitate 
Looking back my way
Somewhat fearful
Of what lies ahead

I see curiosity
And willingness to risk
To take that chance
Come what may
I see balance
And most of all-

I see you just need
To trust YOURSELF!

You will always have my love
You will NEVER be alone
When there is no one
You will still have YOU
And the big guy in the sky...
And so I know 
You'll be okay


Wednesday, August 20, 2014


Tell me how...

To go about my day
To look the other way
To forget
The deaths 
The hunger
The pain

Show me how...

To silence the screams
In my head
The broken 
The dying
Keening and crying

Teach me how...

To turn this heart to stone
Not to worry
Or to mourn
The loss of life


It dies
My soul...
I do
Please explain
You live
With this
And look
Live on


They who die

Thursday, August 14, 2014

SouthWest & NorthEast

"SouthWest actually means something...what does NorthEast mean?" He asked

-it's a storm- I thought to myself
-a powerful wind, with a storm in tow
-it rages- I thought to myself
-a tempest, ready to blow-

In a world gone mad we crave love
The desire to live and taste life
Undiluted life

When blood flows freely and the wolves tear at flesh
The lovers want to fall 
Before they perish
To taste a kiss
To make love
To scream in ecstasy 
Before he comes
The grim reaper
At our doorstep
Rap rap rapping
Saying it's time to go

When terror prevails and justice is blind
When the criminal is king
And the innocent lie dead

The lovers want a taste of life
Before it's gone
And it is too late

A house will be rubble
Money lost in the wind
Things that we hoard
Naught will remain

When water is scarce
For what will you thirst?
When you toil at your desk
What have you really earned?

The lovers just want a place
A look
A touch
A kiss
A taste
Of life!
Before it's too late

South west means a lot, I know...
A Nor'easter is a storm
Raw passion you know...
Unleash it 
Feel it
Let it run amuck
Fall into it
Let it break you
Accept it 
Let go

"The wound is where the light enters"
Said Rumi, you know...

In a world gone mad
The lovers are sane
In a world at war 
Make love, not hate

SouthWest is a dream
A desire
A need
NorthEast is the passion
That will get you there-

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Surreal world

It feels surreal some days
The madness all around
Death all around
And yet it is life as usual
I awake
I work
I sleep
It feels surreal that I have water
And some don't
I turn off the tap and think a while
It feels surreal
This life I have 
I feel it as if for the first time
The air as I breath it in
Through my nose
The feel of fabric on my skin
And then it comes
This overwhelming rush of love
For life
For everyone and everything
And then after any rush comes the crash
I face my loneliness
It sure would be nice to have someone
But not just anyone
Someone who knows and understands
And life
Someone true
Someone more than just someone
The one
On that note I stop
There is someone I seek
And I shall find
And when I do
I will know
Until then
There's love 
And life
And a world
So surreal

These songs of Freedom...

The saddest moment of my day happened at the end of today-

At the gym as I'm working out, (the gym.... The only place that keeps me sane these days), I got to talking with G, a  man who also works out there. 
He's a big guy, well built and towers over me. He talks to me with the utmost respect, does not hit on me and actually sees me as another human being and not a piece of meat.
Inside his chest beats a sweet and compassionate heart. He has the gentlest eyes and is very soft spoken. I  like G. I respect G. 

He sees me beasting it out and throwing weights around and he asks 
"why are you training so hard?"
I tell him I'm not training. I'm angering today, because of all the many things that are unjust. We get to the topic of #Ferguson and his brow furrows. 

"You know," he confides after he heard me rant for a bit,
 "I'm scared. Sometimes I see a cop on the road next to me and I'm scared and I think- oh shit, I hope he don't pull me over. I hope he don't think I'm bad and shoot at me if he pull me over."

I felt my eyes well up with tears.

You see, G is a black man...

"It's not right G." I tell him. "It's fucked up! You should not have to be scared" 

This beautiful, peaceful, sweet soul should NOT have to be scared. But he is-

Because we live in an age where despite all the progress we have made the insidious vibes of hatred and racism run deep. Where the concept of supremacy is based on the color of your skin.

"I'm so sorry," I say- "it's fucked up!"

"Don't be sad, I didn't mean to make you sad" he comforts me.

"I am sad, not because of you but because it's fucked up" I sniffle.

"You know you the only white person that asked me about it." He says after a while

"I'm not white G. I was born in Uganda. In Africa."

"For real?!" And he breaks into a smile...

"Yup yup" I smile back.

"You know what?" I say,
"It's red..."

He looks at me for a bit and then smiles. He gets it. 

"Yes it is. It is for sure!"

We say goodbye. 

It's red-
It's red...

No one's any better or superior-
But race is about divisions
Because divisions empower profiteers

Hatred is taught 
And learned 

I wonder why so many are SHEEPLE 
And don't get it?

How long will they kill our prophets
While we stand aside and look...?
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom...
They're all I ever had-
Redemption songs-
These songs of freedom 

No one is ever FREE until ALL of us are free.
Enough is enough. 

We have to stand up for freedom
For all
JUSTICE for all

So that a SHAIMA won't die in Gaza because she was born on the wrong side of town...
Nor a Mike Brown in Missouri

And a gentle, sweet man won't have to worry that he might be mistreated because his skin is darker than mine...

Won't you help to sing...
These songs of FREEDOM!

Monday, August 11, 2014

For Gaza- For freedom!

I believe in what my heart feels and my soul speaks more than I believe in the words of con men-  
And my heart feels for Gaza and my soul screams for their Freedom!

Thursday, August 7, 2014

"We teach life..." (Gaza)


It has been a very difficult month. My heart has been bleeding since Gaza started bleeding. In one of my darkest moments of despair I write to Hanya-
"I am broken..."
She wrote back-
"You love them... They will feel your love..."
They have taught me how to live!

I want you to know
You do teach life!
You have taught me how to live...

Out of the implements of destruction you create art.
In the rubble you find treasures.
In darkness you brought light
Where there was only black and white and dust, you brought flowers.
When there was no chalk you wrote with your tears.
In the ruins of your home, you made another home...
You are the people of legends
You are the Phoenix rising from the ashes
You teach LIFE!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

The little boy who held his daddy's glasses...

He can't be more than 4
The little boy
In tears
With his daddy's glasses
Clutched tightly in his hand
His other hand 
Gripping tight
His fathers shirt-
He looks up in fright 

His father lay
In death!

The same repose
For his kin
His brother as well
Same silence
Same stillness
Same death
Cold and cruel...

The little boy
With nothing left
Except for his daddy's glasses
Only slightly bent
Clutched tightly
In his tiny hand

The little boy with his fathers glasses

For him tonight I wept
With him tonight I wept

He shall not go
Unknown by me
His story too
I shall tell
I once looked upon
The little boy who held
His daddy's glasses in his hand

The little boy from Gaza

The man with the broken child in his arms

I don't know their names, but I will not let them be just another number, just another statistic!

They have a story- each one of these humans...

I don't know their lives but I see the stories their faces tell me.

I will tell their story-

They haunt me, these beautiful faces. Their nobility and courage....They bring me to tears. My heart cracks open to receive them. 

This is the man with the broken child in his arms. His face says it all-
Utter disbelief!
He does not look at the child,
He cannot...
But he holds the child with such tenderness
His right hand circles the child's wrist
There is such love and shock
And loss...

He is lost

Him in the foreground
The child broken- gone...
Them in the background in ragged clothes
One in the background with another wounded in his arms
In this world of dust and madness

Their life!
Their reality!

He is in my heart tonite, 
The man with the broken child in his arms

They all are
The bleeding, the broken...
The dying, the dead...
The living and grieving
My brothers 
My sisters
Whose blood 
Like mine
Is red-

The humans in Gaza...

Friday, August 1, 2014

The abyss

It's dark and confusing
In the abyss
It makes no sense
In the abyss
We breathe
We eat
We sleep 
In the abyss
We work
We fuck
We love
In the abyss
There's money
And power
And lies
In the abyss
There's music
And laughter
And sunshine
In the abyss
Some days it's warm
And some days it's cold
In the abyss
Some days we know
And some days we don't
In the abyss
I am lost
In the abyss
I see others
In the abyss
Some see me
Some don't
I see some
Some I don't 
In the abyss
It is confusing
Some want one thing
Some another
Some take 
Some give
In the abyss
I think the abyss 
Is inside of us
More so than us
Inside of it
Zoom in 
Zoom out
Try to capture 
The right frame
Does the abyss 
Consume us?
Or we it?
It's dark and confusing
In the abyss
There's light and laughter 
In the abyss
How can it be be dark
And yet there be light
But it is so...
How can there be light
And yet it's dark
But it is so...
This abyss
Confuses me
Am I dark? 
Or am I light?
Am I both?
Am I the abyss?
I think I am
Both dark
And light
I think am
The abyss
And it is I...
This abyss
Confuses me
But I feel
There's more
To you and I
Than this
I think there's more
Than truth and lies
Than light and dark
Than you and I
I think there's 
And not just
But I think
Too much
In the abyss

The boy with the cat-

There are some glimpses of events in life that will tear apart your soul...
Rend your heart in two.

SHAIMA of Gaza is such a glimpse for me...

And today, it was this boy with a cat-

@Belalmd12: Sleeping on the floor at Shifa hospital was this kid. The only thing that survived from his home was his cat. #Gaza

I found this on Twitter.

His cat, the only thing that survived from his home...
And he asleep on a cold stone floor...
Alone with his cat
The animal held close in his embrace
The extent of his loss so poignant on his face- even in sleep.
His body language screaming out
What his voice cannot.
The dust and rubble and gunpowder still visible on his sandals...

That floor so cold
In a world so cruel

May his dreams be beautiful
And filled with love
May his loved ones visit
To kiss his cheeks
May his mothers embrace
Keep him warm in his dreams
May he find play and frolic that his young years deserve
May his slumber have songs from angels themselves
May his sleep give him a brief respite
From the cruel world he will find when he awakens 

My prayers and heart are with this beautiful child
Asleep with his cat
On a cold stone floor
With the dust of war on his sandals
In Shifa hospital
The boy with the cat
From Gaza