Tuesday, May 26, 2009


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference

Life: thy meaning is accepting that which you cannot change

Courage: thy meaning is getting up after you have been knocked down yet again

Faith: thy meaning is believing in yourself even when others state that they don't believe you

I pray that what is good for me be brought closer to me and what is not, to be taken away from me...

Monday, May 25, 2009


Instincts guide our actions most times...

Inherent in us, instincts have sustained the survival of man over the course of history.

'Survival of the Fittest' a phrase often credited to Darwin and used synonymously with his concept of 'Natural Selection'- was actually introduced by Herbert Spencer, philosopher and sociologist.

I remember being introduced to this concept by my mother- a sociologist and studied it in depth during my many years in psychology and the social sciences.

And yet, it is something that I realized I have overlooked most recently. Instincts have guided me to make decisions in the past. There was a very good reason why I made those decisions and yet I have gone against my better judgement and made adjustments to those decisions. As I sit and ponder over specifics today, I cannot help but wonder- WHY??

Why have I allowed myself to be thus misled. Past experience has shown me what is reliable and what is not. I know better than to fall for the same trick twice- and yet I have...

I have labelled it 'benefit of doubt' and thus cloaked I have made concession for mistakes.

You cannot dwell in the past, but must always learn from it.
When history is staring you right in the eye- will you meet its gaze or will you look away, feign distraction, ignorance, naivete even...
Will you turn inward- let a well honed instinct, a gut reaction lead you through...
And what if instinct gets blurred, by distraction, new information...


They are tough to recognize...

I have a theory...
It is mostly hogwash-
But it helps me keep things straight.
I believe there is an animal essence inside each of us. Which instills those particular traits and qualities unique to that animal in the person.
Philip Pullman- English novelist- spoke a little to something similar in his 1995 fantasy trilogy "His Dark Materials"....

I cannot recall when I concocted my theory- I think it was after I read a short story by Edgar Allan Poe in which a woman after undergoing eye surgery begins to see more of reality in people, begins to see their true shape and form- as animals in human guise- serpents with forked tongues, carnivorous beasts, docile innocents, and manipulative vixens...

The story made a great impression on me. (I think it was by Poe...)

I have realized that if I can detect the animal within the humans I know, it helps me recognize them better.

And then there are the shape shifters- who can transform and deceive... It is important to make note of who they actually are. What their animal is... so that even if the wolf comes in the guise of a lamb, one can remember that it is a mask that it wears...

I have allowed myself to be misled by masks lately-
It is back to the basic instincts for me...
What animal are you?
And what mask do you wear?

So much easier to see when one is clear sighted...

Monday, May 18, 2009

Friday, May 15, 2009

Graduation weekend

Finally picked up my cap and gown today! There was a brief panic moment last night when I realized I was supposed to pick it up by 4:00pm yesterday (said realization occurred at 9:00pm last night!!!) sigh.... spoke to the CB yesterday and was comforted and informed-never run your own business- at the same time.

So anyway-

First thing I did when I got home today after picking it up was trying them on... I looked great!!! :P

I love the "accomplished" look I get when I have them on... lol...

It is a good feeling, and yes the excitement has finally kicked in! My tassle is NOT gold!!! I am indignant about that. But my hood is to be black gold and white so there is some consolation...

Hooding tomorrow and commencement Monday and then I am finally grown up!
I can, at last, answer my daughters question when she asks me "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

... Baby doll, I want to be a helper and a feeling doctor!...
... But most of all I want to love YOU forever...

Graduation march here I come....

Monday, May 11, 2009



Friday, May 8, 2009

The unshed tears of the child within...

(Oil on Canvas- 5/8/09)

When it breaks
The universe can hear the crack
When the tears are dry
The sobs still go on
When feeling comes
The dams burst wide open
And unshed tears
Of the child within
The loss
The pain
The grieving
Of leaving
Yet again
And you stand
Once more

Sunday, May 3, 2009


So i got done with my last paper- it is on it's way to my professor via electronic mail... which leaves me irrevocably done!
It is an odd feeling being 'done'. Transitioning from grad student to graduate is a somewhat bittersweet one. The excitement has not quite kicked in, I begin to wonder if it will at all.... the job hunt continues and hope is afloat.

Other facets of life continue to disintegrate no matter how much effort I put into keeping them intact. There are somethings, I suppose that just will not gel no matter how hard we try. Somethings just won't mix so what is one to do?

In a most 'Carrie Bradshaw' like way I am tempted to ruminate on the mysteries of man. What makes him tick? What is it that a man wants? What does a woman want? I could not help but wonder (tongue in cheek...) if one must experience a near death electrocution a la Mel Gibson in "What Women Want" to be able to master the intricacies of the opposite sex...

If men are from Mars, and Women from Venus on what orbit shall the two be in unison?