Wednesday, July 30, 2014

An angel departs- SHAIMA of Gaza

July 26 2014- July 30 2014
SHAIMA of Gaza

Not just a number
Not just some dates
Not just another statistic
Not just a name
She was a baby
She was a human
She fought for life

5 days...
5 days?
5 days!!!!

Her lifespan-

Five days


I remember my daughters face
The day she was born
I remember my heart swell with love
At her beautiful face
I remember seeing Shaima's picture
I remember my heart swell with love
I looked at this innocent emblem of love
I sensed her fragrance
I sensed her soft cheek
I wanted to hold her
And keep her safe...


She's gone.
This bundle of love
She's gone
This angel of grace

Heaven open wide
Let my tears pave her way
Let my love be her shroud
As she finds her resting place...

Too much hate
Too much hate
Heaven have mercy
On her murderer's fate

After the torment in my soul subsides
Only silence remains
Just my words by my side
And her picture in front of my face
And I a heap on my bedroom floor
And my bug by my side
As tears stream down both our faces
This angel
Our heart
Our soul
Our love

An angel departs
5 days was her reign
An angel departs
In my heart she'll remain
An angel departs
No amount of hate
Can overcome my love for her
My angel
Of Gaza...

How much pain?

How much pain
Can a human sustain?
The loss of home,
Of limb,
Of child?
Of father
A neighbor
A friend
A stranger
1000 humans?

How much blood
Will it take to appease
How much injustice?
Can a human sustain?

I scream
I cry
I can't eat
Or sleep
All fades away
All that remains
Is Gaza-

Gaza burns
Gaza bleeds
Gaza weeps
Gaza screams
And yet...
Gaza sustains

A crown of thorns was placed
On the brow of Jesus
Baby Moses cast off in a basket on the Nile
Mohammed saved by a spider's web
And still they fight-

How much fight
Can a human sustain?

I find my heart melt
And pray for mercy
For the oppressor
For I am afraid
For what will await
When justice delivers

How much justice 
Can the cruel sustain

In my pain
As I break
And yet I sustain
I pray for Gaza 
And for the blessings of heaven to shower
The sweet faces in death
As if asleep
Some stilled in pain
May the angels welcome
With songs of praise
The innocent
To heaven untimely sent

In my pain
No anger here...
I pray for the cruel 
For them let there be
Mercy from Heaven
Have mercy on them Lord
May the angels whisper mercy 
And stay their murdering hands
How much mercy
Can the cruel sustain?

Sunday, July 27, 2014

I have a heart...and it is broken

It is Sunday afternoon,
I did not attend our company party last night-
My body gave out.
I just don't have celebration in me right now.
What I have is a lot of grief.
A lot of pain.
A lot of sadness.
I went to the gym yesterday, the only sanity I have left anymore. I find that as I strengthen my body I strengthen my soul.
I lift iron because I am impotent and unable to lift humanity.
I run on the eliptical, because I want to run away from a world that is silent. 
And those that speak, while trying their best, have failed to stop this massacre in Gaza. 
Yoga teaches me how to breathe in stressful positions and I find it difficult to breathe of late...
-it hurts to breathe while blood is pouring out of Gaza faster than the sweat I feel on my forehead as I workout!

I have survivor's guilt some say. Perhaps I do-
I also have latent shame because no matter how many petitions I have signed or how many people I have asked for help, I have failed... Humanity has failed.

I have failed my brethren. 
I have failed humanity.
I, a human. With heart. Have failed to move humanity to end the bloodshed.

I got home yesterday after the gym and my body collapsed.

I read about the Greek Orthodox Church inviting the Muslims to pray there and my heart saw the beauty in some of us. We can live in peace, I thought...

I heard Israeli's calling for death to Arabs and I see cruelty in the rest of us. No peace there, I thought...

And then there is indifference. Some just turn a blind eye and look the other way.
What hope for peace when people fail to realize how connected we all are as a human race, I thought...

-My daughter, with her dad for Eid, calls to tell me she loves me. She knows I'm broken on the inside. "Are you okay mom?"
-My mom calls and says she noticed I was online. She was up to eat before fast and decided to ring me- she says, " you are taking it all too close to you okay?..." 
-My boss emailed- "we missed you, I hope you are okay..."

All people who love me.
All who care and want to know if I am okay.

But I can't say I am okay.
I can't.

I am not okay.

I am broken. 





Unable to help...
The helpless-

I have not taken it too close to heart...

I simply have a heart...

I just have a heart

And it feels

Scores massacred in Gaza
Innocent babies

The Israeli Navy bombs children playing on the beach!

Others are burning in the streets
There are babies dying
Broken humans everywhere
No humanitarian relief in sight
Hospitals bombed!

In Israel, I read tweets that maliciously declare
"No school in Gaza tomorrow, all the children will be dead..." 
These followed by thumbs up signs because apparently that phrase rhymes in Hebrew and was considered a clever pun on words!

Palestinian Israeli's beaten into unconsciousness by lynch mobs in the streets in Israel while police looked on and did not call an ambulance. 

Passers by, with kind hearts, carried the wounded to hospitals...

I am not okay.

All I am is heartbroken.

All I have is a heart.
I just have a heart. 
And it is broken...

Friday, July 25, 2014

Shaima of GAZA

Little beautiful ray of light
Into a cruel dark world arrives
Ripped from comfort
Shoved into
Fire, metal, gunpowder and dust
This heavenly child
Orphaned-before birth!
Innocent and bright
Breaks what's left of my heart in two
Her sweetness melts 
My heavy heart...
Her soft delicate fragile essence
So strong

The fucking bastards
Could not conquer this 
Fragile innocent light
Those COWARDS claim strength and courage....


I hold a mirror up to them
In tanks and boots
And helmets clad
Behind their  armor
They scream and jabber!
Tasting blood

SHAIMA is the nectar of the gods

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

While Gaza Burned...

Is there morphine
For my soul?
Will it ever
Make any sense?
Blood and carnage
Evil's splendor
Run amuck
Hyena's jabber
Rape and pillage
Break and burn
Mothers scream
Babies torn
And in the silence
They look on
The bastards 
We picked
To rule 
And called our own
Break and burn
Sons of bitches
Sit and talk
While cities crumble
The people gone
Little angels voices
No more to laugh
No more to play
Only shadows 
Left behind
Where once
The four kicked a ball
In play, along the shore
On a beach
In burning Gaza
Shot down 
Bombed down 
Cut in half
Cut in half!

Only dust and rubble
Where once he searched
For loved ones fallen 
Sniped in cold blood
Just a civilian 
In search of family
In the rubble
Of his home 
Sniped down
Not once
But twice
For good measure
Sniped down
To the ground
In cold blood
While the snipers
Call themselves the victim
The snipers
Scream injustice?

Who shall call
To justice then?

Is each one here...

The sniper
The bomber
The ruler 

When the silent
Sat and watched
The World Cup!?!!!
(Germany won...)

While Israel perched
Atop their hill top
Cheering on
In Sderot
While bloody murder
Was carried out...
In Gaza

And Gaza BURNED!

As the world
Looked silently on

Is there morphine 
For my soul...

Will I again
Ever be whole?

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Dreamers unite!

"I have a dream" he said....

"Imagine...." He sang 

"Cos we all live under the same sun...why can't we all live as ONE" he sang

Dreamers unite- #HelpGaza
We must press for PEACE!

Things you can do-

Counsel those with anger that their anger is just but must not take away their HUMANITY! Their anger should fuel their compassion for the victims. 
Not lead them to retaliate with more aggression in word, action or deed!

We will protest with compassion! For humanity!
We will set an example!
There are good people, sane people on BOTH SIDES! We will listen to the anger and counsel for PEACE.

There is so much hurt around us. We must be sensitive to ALL who are hurting and help each other when we falter. We must BE the change we wish to see. 

We must embrace all voices of HUMANITY and let sane people EVERYWHERE unite as ONE voice for an end to this madness and carnage!

My fellow Counselors- I again call on you. YOU ARE NEEDED IN THE PEACE MAKING PROCESS. 

You have a voice- use it! COUNSEL FOR PEACE!

Saturday, July 12, 2014

My heart and I are friends

There are these moments in life- moments of polarity, moments that define us-
When we learn what we are and what we are not. What we believe and what we do not. What is right and what is not. Moments that teach us the "who" and the "what" we are! 
Moments in which our courage and convictions are formed out of which our courage emerges. 
It is a process of deep internal struggle, of facing our demons, our anger, our hatred and our loathing and deciding what we will do with it. Looking at our choices and then making one.

It is precarious, that moment of choice....
To do the RIGHT thing and still be true to your heart and not betray it.

For me, doing the right thing means I will not become like the evil I oppose but I will not befriend it either-

As a result I am true to myself and my heart and I are friends!

Asim my dear friend, this one is for both you and I today. We both had to face our demons and then some. I hope you will see what I mean when I write this-

#Fight4Peace #HelpGaza

Peace and blessing-

Friday, July 11, 2014

Warfare- people vs. humans

There comes this point in a conflict where both sides start to look the same. There is hatred and anger on both sides. It's the brink of madness because there is no way of knowing who is in the right anymore. In that madness is a strange clarity. You don't see a right side and a wrong side but you do begin to identify who is acting with right heart and awake conscience and who is not. That state I think is our HUMANITY. I think that state is what Rumi meant when he wrote 

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" doesn't make any sense."

I have a feeling that is what peace is...I have a feeling that is what my ONE human race concept is, like Rumi said "each other" doesn't make sense because all are equal and ONE. There us no "other".... I think humans know of peace. 

I think there are 'people', and then there are 'humans'. I think it is impossible to expect 'people' to make peace. I think HUMANS need to work on the task of making peace.

I think people must first make peace with their demons in order to become human. I think hatred is a demon. I think love and understanding heals hate.

I think a lot of 'people'will laugh at me and call me a dreamer. 

I think the 'humans' will understand what I say...

#peace #helpGaza

How to save a life

The universe works in funny ways...
I remembered this just now 
"He who saves one life, saves the world entire..." It's from the Talmud! It got me thinking-
When did it start? This whole hate thing? And why?
Read the saying- isn't that what every religion preaches? Every spiritual path? Everything sacred states that message-
Save a life! Save it! Not take it!
I think for a minute and realize there I was caught up in reactive anger. Reactivity born out of years of socialization. What if I was just me today- not my reactive past but my authentic present!
And then I wept. Because I too have hated and I too have angered. Against Israel. But what if I forgave myself? And what if I forgave them? And what if I stopped angering and hating and just felt hurt at this senseless destruction? And I wept some more and finally arrived at my first moment of peace in days and it hit me/
Peace comes from loving and forgiving and owning our mistakes when we have made them. In angering and hating I became just like what I am angry at! That can't be right! That is why this madness continues. I must ask forgiveness instead for hurts I may have caused. I have to start to be the change I wish to see happen...only then does the world change
It isn't easy- but it is the only way.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

To my fellow Counselors- An appeal for help!

Devastation looms in the the wake of Israel's "Operation Protective Edge" and my heart literally hurts. It is a dull ache that will not go away and I find myself scrambling to do anything and everything  I can to bring about an end to this madness.

This is not a political post. This is not a religious post. I am not particularly fond of either politics or religion. Frankly both religion and politics are the biggest perpetrators of aggression in my opinion. The amount of bloodshed in the name of both religion and politics is unbelievable and yet there is an even bigger killer than both combined. That, killer my friends, is silence and inaction.

Silence and inaction in the face of wrongdoing is an even bigger crime than the aggression itself. Because it strengthens the aggressor and makes them more confident while completely breaking the spirit of those transgressed against.

Like I said earlier, I don't understand politics. And I am no politician! But I am a counselor and I understand the psychology of aggression and oppression. It is an insidious weapon, more debilitating than any bomb. A bomb kills and then is done. Psychological aggression and oppression renders any form of a normal existence impossible for those still alive and breaks the very fabric of a human society. That I understand all too well because I am a therapist. Therapists are still healing the wounds of the victims from other times of psychological aggression and oppression.

For me what is happening in Palestine is personal. Not because of race or skin color or ethnicity or religion. It is personal because I am a HUMAN. What happens to humanity is personal to me!

My appeal is not to politicians and religions. My appeal is to my fellow Counselors. My appeal is to their humanity. My appeal is for them to wake up and take a moment to see the madness of what is going on. 

I have the utmost respect for a soldier, ANY soldier! Both sides are THE SAME. A soldier bears arms to protect what he believes in. Both sides have a right to their beliefs. That is not the point! The point is when the passion of that soldier is manipulated by the policy makers to thier own ends. A silent humanity is not an effective democracy. We only create an imbalance of power in such a system. 

Think in terms of human factors psychology for a moment- apply that concept to the situation in Gaza. Let's play what if...

What if we were free to express our opinion of what is happening on the ground there in Gaza without being afraid of coming across as "anti" something?

What if we were free to have access to an unfiltered and unbiased media so that we had accurate information?

What if we realized that every human life is valuable- a Palestinian's and an Israeli's?

What if we just focused on that? And what if we made every "what if" mentioned here a reality? 

That is possible! It is in our power to educate ourselves and speak up and gain access to the truth, not just allow ourselves to be spoofed by a filtered and biased media.

Those what ifs are questions that Counselors are uniquely  qualified and able to consider at present, because we are healers, and experts at conflict resolution! Because we know of empathy and can understand both perspectives.

I appeal to my fellow healers-

I have had enough of war. Let us let the weary soldiers rest. Let us hold the line. Let us heal instead.

Please help me!

Friday, July 4, 2014


Where you invest your love, you invest your life...

A day laden with memories and meaning, this fourth I find I am chained by nothing.
True freedom is being yourself completely and being okay with it. True freedom is owning yourself- your decisions, your choices, your mistakes and your life. True freedom is recognizing that you and you alone are responsible for everything that you let into and out of your life. 
It has been a journey getting to this place but it was worth every struggle and hurdle along the way. Every tear I shed taught me something and every scuff and blister made me stronger. 
When you get there you know it-
I am home!
And home is beautiful.
I am free!
And freedom rocks!
I am me!
And me is the only thing I ever want to be.

Happy Freedom!