I turn 30 next Friday. It is, as they call it, one of the "big ones" I find myself reminiscent regarding that which is past, and wondering about what is yet to be.
I took a look at my "evolution" album today, and had my scanner not been completely uncooperative I would've shared some of my evolution (baby-present day) pics with you folks. But technology is not one of my strong points. I wonder what my strong points are. Excessive self awareness often renders us unsure. The process of learning about who I am and correcting the blind spots as they come to light, has had the effect of leaving me blurry at the edges. Like a picture out of focus.
With self discovery comes acceptance. With acceptance a certain kind of peace. With peace came a yearning to revisit the past. I was overcome with a longing for sounds from my past... and the miracle of youtube made it possible to do that. Here is a melody that haunts my memory...
Long gone is the innocence of childhood. Yet this soul full melody brought to life lazy afternoons on the beach at Lake Victoria. Flashes of memories played like a movie on the landscape of my mind. Childhood, Maidenhood, Womanhood, Motherhood. Phases of my life. Accomplishments. Losses. Love. Friends.
I wrote to a friend today...tried to mend what was broken. I let go of some people who I could no longer hold onto. I made peace with some parts of myself. I came to terms with certain realities today.
I felt pride in never having compromised on the things that I believe in. I basked in the recognition of a life well lived. I have few regrets. I choose to live fully and unafraid. I take risks. I often lose. I win just as often. And miracle of miracles.... I feel content today. I am ready. I shall move on. I embrace a new decade. I face the big 30 with a flutter of excitement in my tummy. There is still much living to be done.
I am at peace with myself.
Life has been good to me.
I look forward to tomorrow...
18 comments:
No matter what age figure you carry, your face reflect your inner purity and honesty.
“Excessive self awareness often renders us unsure.”
I’d be proud to write that (and the next few lines) at 60.
Happy Birthday Kiddo..…you rock!
Happy birthday Shahnaz! :-) so you are pisces now I get it where that inner sensitivity, artistry comes from!
I'm turning 26 on March 6th ironically piscian as well, but no such qualities.
They say you're getting old get married which is true I'm getting old and no regrets so far, but woman now where on earth do I get that creature from that perfect woman, do they really exist or I m just being too perfectionist? Do tell me from your experience!
Peace!
SiKi
You grow yet even more graceful, radiant, beautiful with each passing day that I know you ...
... And so very contagious, what's with that :p ... heehee
I wish your scanner would work properly and I could go through your all phases of life.
Sikander,
Artistry, sensitivity.... certainly qualities of a piscean.
Congratulations on having no regrets! A very wise uncle once told me, "kaki make every effort in life to minimize regrets...regrets are hell on earth." So congratulations on avoiding "hell on earth!" and maintaining your bliss.
Regarding the perfect woman.... hmmm.... sure she exists! But there is probably only one of her. I haven't met her yet. And anyway since every man is looking for the perfect one she is probably too swamped anyway. Besides perfection is soooooooo boring. Everything right, everything good... yawn....BO....RING!!!
My choice is to find the most wonderful imperfect man for me. Think about it, imperfection is exciting. Those little quirks are the essence of originality and genuineness. And imagine living up to the standards of the perfect people. We are not perfect. Let us imperfect ones stick with our own species.
So I strive to find the "imperfect one" whose imperfections I love and adore (and can actually tolerate!!! very important to go with the tolerable imperfections otherwise you are in for a nightmare).
My experience... perfection bores me to sleep. Tolerable, likable, acceptable imperfection is what I love!
Hugs,
Imperfect me.
Shafaq,
Thanks so much for your kind words... but you know what?? I am happy that I can wake up every morning and look myself in the eye in the mirror without feeling any guilt about any wrongdoing owards others or shame for lies and hates and untruths... so you are right.
Inner purity and honesty are the most important things in life.
Also, about the scanner... sigh... I know. I too was very disappointed. I am working on the problem...
Thanks for stopping by.
S
Anonymous aka sista!
You bring an unexpected joy to my life. I enjoy our exchanges and am delighted to have you in my (blog/online) life.
Hugs
And happiness and peace always,
ME.
My dear Mo,
You made my birthday so special. For that I am so obliged. And contagion is my middle name! So go forth mirth, delight, and love for life and infect...infect...infect!
Hugs
Me..me...meooow
:P
*Awwww-ed* Hehe ...
Just a little something to make your day. And you're so very welcome! And its actually YOU who makes your birthday so very special.
Heheh ...
With folks like you in my life... it's no wonder I have a swelled head!
Awwww me too... With such a darling of a friend in my life... it's no wonder I have a swelled head! :P
:)
sunny sky, windy evenings, cheerful laughs.. may Allah will bless you with everything you wish for. Happy living!
Thanks I keeping reminding myself there is no perfect woman exist and yes you are right the beauty is in to make someone imperfect perfect.
And thanks for not remembering my birthday very imperfect move. :P
Peace!
@Sikander
My dear man! I am soooo sorry for not wishing you a Happy birthday! When was it?? If itis any consolation, I actually did not remember the birthdays of two of my best friends either... so it is not really you at all but in fact all me.
Let me rectify the situation by all means... Here's to a fun soul I met quite by accident. Hope you have a wonderful new year of your life! Remember, live, laugh, love and be happy.
HUGE HUG!
It was on 6th! It was also on facebook. But its okay, you don't have to be sorry lots of people do forget my birthday, mum is the only person who remembered. What an famous person I'm :)
Fun soul? Sounds good!
I hang my head i shame....Facebook is one thing that does usually help me remember. I probably did not log on that weekend and completely missed it.
How can I make it up to you?
Birthdays are special. They should never be forgotten. So seriously ask away and I'll see what I can do.
:(
Now you making me feel embarrassed! No need to hang your head down for that tiny thing... And you don't have to do anything to make it up. But promise me you going to write a book on poetry or philosophy or whatever you are expert in and send me a signed copy.
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