Have you ever failed to give a name to what you feel? Have you felt so much that it is all choked up inside you.... so much so that now even if you tried, it could not be expressed. Have you ever just stopped feeling and still felt? Have you ever run out of tears?
Have you ever known that you cry right now as you read, as you write... but that no tears will come. No tears will come because if there were tears, you could not bear it. If there were tears, you may fall apart. If there were tears, how could you go on. But you do go on, because you must. And life goes on, because it does.
And through it all you feel and yet do not. You want to cry and cannot.... because you have run out.... Just run out of tears.
23 comments:
What do the best managers do?...actually nothing! They just know what buttons to push…. and the "Master of Ceremonies" Himself, does He work for His keep?....Hell No!...its all residual income: He made "man" and then He rested. No other species is as geared for its own destruction!
We are programmed, brilliantly, to work against our own parts. We can never quite decide one way or the other. “What if”…and “yet” and “still” ….and we keep on “taking” more and more in the name of “inevitability”….“the right thing to do”. Instinct set upon reason, not-to-be-denied longings set upon impossibility of realization ….guilt set upon vanity….while He laughs his way to the bank.
…and the best of us get it the worst. The strongest backs keep getting more and more of the straw….but “still”, but “yet” would we have it any other way? The exquisite joy of being! “My” pain! “My” pleasure …the fact that I can “feel”…even when I feel no more (chin up - bachchay) …in the end if you “Seek God or Sod God” it is enough that “you” were! You and your life is the end all be all:
Mera irtaqa hai musalsal safar
Mujhe fakhr hai apni parwaaz par
Main Shaheen Hoon
(Smile)....
Thanks... I wrote this one after coming to a complete acceptance. And then I chose to express. I am in equilibrium.
It was a startling realization to discover that I am holding feeling back. That I am holding expression back. So I thought.... and got to the bottom of it.
And then the task was accepting who and what I was... and where I was. And from there I am on the rode to either change my fate or live with it.
Too soon to tell...
Oh and here's to you...
Salut!
I put up "main Shaheen hun"
omg !!! I know exactly what this feeling is... in fact... so much that nobody else is able to understand it ever... and in such states I only manage to piss off other people !!!
On a totally different topic... thanks a lot for paying a visit to my Blog... your comments are always appreciated... and mean a lot :) !!!
ASM...or to play on your initials which also condense your name aka SAM!
So SAM....
I just hapened to stop by and skimmed over you post. Hehehe... got a 'been there done that' sort a chuckle and so I left a comment.
Nice to hear from you
Hope you are well...
hehe... yea i run on Facebook as Fireman Sam these days... lol !!! It is interesting how a cartoon character induces so much interest in ladies just because of the word Fireman !!!
Anyhoo, yeah... I am well... and it is, and will always be a pleasure, to have you among the visitors on my blog :) !!!
Cheers.. and hope you are well too :) !!!
Sam !!!
Way too intense. But I did cry sometimes without any reasons I think that's humane isn't it?
Sikander....
One always cries for a reason. The thing is do we choose to recognize the reason or hide from it.
And we all get there some day... you are just a babe ;) humane one :)
Take care
This is so unfair I'm not a babe you can't put me in that category :D thing is crying, tears or no tears doesn't make a difference. You seems hurt? Well who isn't right? So cheer up :) Shahnaz
Hug ... The rest you express it with an eloquentia that's both fluid and beautiful.
Sikander...
This post is about acceptance. That and realization. Of what you are and have become. You have to be able to look in the mirror and see what is there. If you hide from it- the truth, the pain, the sadness, the fact that you have felt it all, and felt so much that you have locked it away... for so long that now you refuse to feel- you cannot hide from it. You have to face it.
And that is not sad. That is living.
One must feel it all. If we don't feel... we only half live.
I will not cover up another tear with a smile... I will cry away.
Oh and Sikander... I box people. So You had to neatly be boxed in with the other Babes... :P
You'll forgive me... or come up with something that begs a different box ;)
hehehe... take care
Mo
Hugs right back. Thanks for believeing in me... and for the almost nightly chats that are hardly every empathic and difinitely not perceptive... :P
LOL
Hahaha well thing is I can't express things, feelings precisely in poetic verses its more difficult than doing a math. Be my teacher lol plz... That's how I handle things; if something is wrong I try to fix it but can't express it in a way you do. Beg to change my box na na that's not my box of chocolate. Take care too and carry on your this amazing literary work or whatever that is!
Sikander
I suck at math!
But I do admire your persistence and spunk! You have heart dude. So how about the box of "men with heart"??
;)
Persistent and spunk! Should I take it as a compliment? Men with heart box hmmm heart not sure, but thank you.
Anyways, sorry I am bothering your this Life a la Shahnaz a alot, though this blog is envious. I use to have one too but not too many visitors so I down-graded it. No one was interested in my SiKism...
Oh no! No heart... HUH!
LOL
Bother away.. it's the faithful readers that I write for second (first.... I write for me!)
So no "men with heart" box either
Persistent box it is then and I'll periodically move you from persistent to spunk...
Howz that?
Au Revoir
Heheh :)
...it is interesting that this particular posting has generated the most responses on this blog.
I think it has to do with "comfort level".. tears bring people down to a common denominator and people feel "safe" commenting.
Not to be completely cynical, I am sure genuine sympathy is part of the reason people feel like responding to such "confessional" writing. It is just that I am reminded of where a newspaper publisher (Wynand in "the fountainhead") puts out parallel appeals for charity for a brilliant struggling scientist and a teenage unwed mother....no guesses as to who wins!
........just a thought!
Assalam o alaikom!
You seems to be very sensitive.Being a phatan,it was a pleasent surprise for me that you are a phatan.You know what I suggest for all human being is that,If we think so much about life so life becomes very difficuilt for us.According to Khalil Jibran"when humans disclose all the secrtets of life,so than thay becomes curious about the fact of death".ME AIK ARTS SCHOOL KA PARHA HOOWA GRADUATE HOO,ENGLISH ITNI STRONG NAHI HAI,PER DIL KI BATAIN SAMAJH LAITA HOON,.WO KISSI NAY SACH KAHA HAIN,"INSAN KISSI HAAL MAIN HOSH NAHI REHTA".WOOS MALA IJAZAT RAKAY,HASI STASO PUKHTO ZAMA DAIRA KHWAKH SHOWA,HAHAHAHHAHAH FEE AMAN ALLAH.
I am literally out of speech Because I've known this feeling from long -- And Yo've depict beautifully in words -)!
Stay Wel -!
God.. seriously .. this is soo gruesomely sad S.. and no i have never felt like that.. and please.. no one should.. but yes.. WOWSSSS for the words.. my mashaallahs to your work for the first time.. this was sooo emotionally taxing and cruel to the heart to read.. its like pouring boiling sadness into the readers heart with words..GOD..
you mood killer.. why S whyyy
:'( .........................;)
ali
if you thought that was bad-- wait till i start posting new stuff! i have been wallowing in despair since my break up and the other general crap that i am coming to terms with lately!
wallowing brings out gut wrenching writing from me... so consider yourself warned!
Salam, A FAN from pakistan ... Just refreshing my memories from drama ABC and suddenly i type your name on google and found this .... I don't cry, don't know why but .. may be i am too shy to express my feelings .. especially those who are closer to me .. their is so much inside me ... but i just can't express .. and then they think that i don't care about them ... which hurt me alot but i can't help my self .. Most difficult part of life is to express your self and failed to do it ... Excellent article ""Tear"" you give my feeling words .. :) .. TC .. Lots of love and good wishes from Pakistan.
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