I am a fool

I am a drifter

I cannot

Accumulate

Items

Or money 

Tedious, dull

Things

I am a seeker

Searching

For truth

Something

Real

In this world

Of fake

I am a vessel

Housed within

Is my soul

My heart

And also my mind

Trying to align and 

Harmonize 

I am a novice

Learning

Forgetting

Mistaking

Blundering

And then doing it 

All over again

Some days

I am blind

Some days

I see

At times

I am a fool and sometimes

I am wise

I am blind

Drifting...

A novice 

In a vessel-

A fool

Seeking

Wisdom 

Your heart won't let you forget

Why deny the truth of your heart?

Your heart won't let you forget

Why turn away from love

Reason won't make love end

All the turns and twists along the way

You think

You act

And yet

Your heart will bring you back

Why deny the truth of your heart...?

Your heart won't let you forget-

If they could they would-

"How could they see anything but the shadows if they were never allowed to move their heads?"

Plato- the allegory of the cave

I spoke with a soul today

He saw 

I shared

We conversed

And it was uplifting.

Of those who have not yet discovered

The journey into the self

How can one expect?

That was my wisdom for today...

If they could, they would-

And just like that comes an abundance of understanding and acceptsnce and patience.

Learning the art of existence

How to be in this world, but not of this world-

And many before me have spoken the same. The wisdom in the universe is one. Many arrive at it from different paths and at different times...

"It is the task of the enlightened not only to ascend to learning and to see the good but to be willing to descend again to those prisoners and to share their troubles and their honors, whether they are worth having or not. And this they must do, even with the prospect of death." Plato- the allegory of the cave

Life and meaning...

Like my thoughts I die and am reborn each day- Rumi

Each night lost

I cry myself to sleep

It makes no sense

This world

It makes no sense to me

I see people

Chasing after things

All day long

They scurry from place to place

Money

Power

Things

More

More 

More...

I lie awake 

I see the walls

The roof

The things

In my room

They are just things

And the world

Makes no sense

I fall asleep 

Weary...

I awake

Weary...

The same walls

The same room

The same things

-

And then it happens

My meaning

A dark eyed

Angel

With dark curly hair

And sleepy eyes

Steps into my space

And with her comes

The scent of heaven

And light

So much light...

My heart cracks open

And my eyes tear up

She is beautiful

And it all makes sense again

Life

And meaning

Begin 

With love

And for me

Bug is love-

The Samurai and I

He grounds my soul and sooths my spirit

The Samurai...

He listens as I speak

Holds the space as I break

And then he shows me

My true self

He is strong enough

To embrace

All the feelings

I bring to him

Strong enough to understand

I need to speak

I don't need fixing 

He sees and knows 

My soul

I've known his a long time too

Our paths weave

And meet

And on occasion

Separate

He loves me

And I him

The Samurai

On my knees...

The thing about a broken back is,

I find myself either face down on the floor 

Or on my knees often-

Both, I have discovered 

Are an excellent position

For me to pray

I vowed 

When I was very little

That if I ever bowed my head

It would only be before God

So it is fitting that it is bowed often before Him now

Another thing about being down there

Is that I am learning how to fight 

From the ground

It is a different kind of fight

One I am not used to

I usually fight on my feet

I am quick on my feet

But I guess

The Lord

In his wisdom decided

I needed to learn how to fight

A different way

I learn fast once acceptance kicks in

Humility follows

And then comes turmoil

The struggle of impatient ones

Over eager novices

Like myself

But like I read somewhere

"What is to give light must endure burning..."

I shall endure

And burn

And while on the floor face down

And on my knees

I shall say a prayer

Each time

To Him

That is 

Light

Divine

 

Transcendence

I am more than my physical form

I am more than what I seem

I am a soul

And when I see

What I am

I have no fear

Fear is a physical thing

Faith is a soul thing

When I have faith

I am without fear

Not fear less...

For I am never less than

Or more than

I am a soul

And a soul

...

 A soul is!

A soul 

Always 

Is

Respect

Yesterday 

On the drive home

As the Bug and I talked

About life

And strife

I looked over

And saw her cry

"What's up Bug?"

"These are tears of respect mom, you have no idea how much I love and respect who you are, and how amazing you are!"

And just like that

It comes full circle

I don't need much validation

But validation from the Bug

Is 

Worth

The 

Moon and stars

Combined

I 

Love

My 

Bug

The love that never was...

This reminds me of me when I was little-

I would run away from home... Say my goodbyes before I left in hopes that someone would ask me to stay- no one ever did...

So I would leave in hopes that someone would come after me- but no one ever did.

Forever after we continue to chase the love that was not returned- all the while missing out on the love that was waiting with open arms.

Today I am struggling to learn how to recognize the love that is always there-

Everyday a new lesson. 

❤️

The universe will give me everything I need-

(This one from Hanya all the way from England, comes at such a timely hour to remind me of a truth I will need to propel me forward... Her words "this one is for you, about you...")

It is a wonderful thing to be loved, truly loved for everything that I am!

With a smile I will walk on-

Defining moments

There are these moments when it happens...

An awareness-

It doesn't just dawn on you

It hits you in the face 

Like a ton of bricks

And every fibre of your being and existence is aware

And in congruence

The moment when you realize 

Your truth

You get up

And shed all the lies

You bought into

And a being ness happens

A solidifying occurs

All your blurry edges become clear 

OUTLINED IN BOLD

And you become 

A stronger

More refined

Well defined

You

Eid and hajj mabruk-

When He calls you go...

Labbaik-

Eid Mubarak to all

Soul love

When your soul calls

They will hear it

And they will find you first 

Before any other can reach you

They will reach you first

...

Oceans do not matter

Continents do not matter

Your soul love

Will hear you

And be beside you

...

Distance does not matter

...

They will watch the view

Sitting on a bench with you

Your physical presence is not needed

Your soul love will find you

...

Your soul will sit with theirs

In a lab

Or in your home

On a damp Friday afternoon

...

Your soul love

Will be with you

Everywhere

The last word

When an ending happens

Words are exchanged

Each is trying to explain

Each to say a goodbye

Each wants to do it in a way

That eases pain

Self and other 

In that conversation

Is the last word

One parting jab

That needs to be inflicted

To absolve the "self"

And indict the other

To say 

"You were wrong"

"This is what it really is"

There will always be two subjective versions of that reality

Truth will be a constant

But there will be different realities

For both

I received the last words

Last night

I had my moment of awakening

And it was huge

The wound is where 

The light enters

I was wounded by those last words

It is strange

How the words

"I love you"

Uttered in parting

Can inflict a wound

But they did

I am glad they did

I said them once

To another as my parting words

I must have wounded him 

We must each do what we do

To keep our egos fed

I fed mine with those words

And high and mighty in my head

I thought I took the high road

Alas-

The only road I took was the lies 

I fed to myself

It is foolish to say a goodbye 

And 

An I love you...

If you love

Don't say goodbye

If it is goodbye

Don't leave your heart behind

I am grateful for that understanding 

Today-

I am grateful for the wound

These last words have inflicted

On me

The wound is where the light enters...

My wound will keep

My heart

Wide open

And a heart that is open

Will always love

Love will always find

An open heart

Real love lasts

Love

From an open heart

Given

And received 

By an open heart

Lasts...

And so I smile

That one is yet to come

So let this be goodbye

It takes two open hearts

To dance 

The tango of love

That one is yet to come

I surrender to the situation

And will let it change me

So that what is mine

May find its way

To me 

And I

To it-