The listening stone...

When I was a little girl I once read a story by that title.... It was the most poignant story I had ever read up until that time. I was 8 then, I think, and the story lingered with me through the years and lingers with me still- though seasons pass and wrinkles set in, the tale lives on.

Over the ages the story has become mine- or have I become the story?... it's hard to tell.

It went something like this...

There once was a princess who loved a lot. She found her love and lost her love. Her love, he found another and she was made to witness that and deal with that. Along the way were several hurts and injustice. Life was hard. Alone she struggled through storm and hail. Quiet she suffered the sword and pain. Her love abandoned her, shut her out and so she sat and told her tale one stormy night to the listening stone... The stone of power, of bearing and patience... The stone of hearing, tolerating and stillness... the listening stone- that could hear it all, absorb it all, and hold it all... The only problem was, when the princess talked and when she told, and told it all... even the stone, that noble stone, that mighty stone, that listening stone... could bear no more. When she poured out her pain that bearing stone could bear no more. It ripped asunder, fell apart, broke in pieces, could not stand- the agony, the unbearable agony that this little princess carried around in her heart...

There are days when I am the princess... There are days when the listening stone (had I one) would rip asunder... there are wounds that will not heal. There are hurts that linger within....

A friend, very recently, tried to boss me out of a what he perceived was a wasteful funk. I listened patiently as time and again, he called and fussed... judged and taunted... thinking it helped to bully and shame me out of the pain- until at last, tired and fed up, I snapped. I spoke. I talked. I disclosed. I poured on him, a smidgen of the ache within. An ounce of the challenges seen. A sprinkling of the things I faced. An inkling of the war I waged and he said stop. STOP! Forgive me. No more...no more... He could not take it, could not stand to listen...simply listen... and yet I lived it everyday.

Another friend once told me that he could not look into my eyes because he saw the truth within and it was unbearable for him to see...

Today I sat and talked a while. I was reminded of a hurt. A hurt I've blocked away. A hurt that's there in feeling yet I cannot recall the words that were said. What were they? How harsh were they? Where are they? What did they say? They're gone, hidden somewhere deep within. Lost to me... because somewhere along the way, nature decided enough was enough and no more would it say to add to aches that even the listening stone could not bear...

My heart felt heavy today as I tried to recall and failed. Heavy because I wondered just what damage they could have caused, and would have caused... had consciousness not refused to shut them out and hide them deep... deep within recesses of my mind...
-that would keep them safe- until...
-build layers and walls- until...
the feeling was gone

but
alas
with feeling gone...
numbness sets in
and walls are made
that make it harder still-

to open up and speak...
but speak-
to what?
to whom?

who can listen?
who can bear?
what will listen?
what will bear?

the words...
that the listening stone could not...



I sit all day and listen now,
To aches and hurts that others bring...
I watch the faces
Hear the voices
See the pain
The hurt and anguish
I see them
I listen hard
I listen long
I listen strong...

And then I realized
Who and what
I have become

I am the listening stone myself...
I see...
I hear...
I witness...
Listen...
I have become

The listening Stone
...