...just the plain and simple truth
do you realize how many ways we try to hide the fact that we are sad?
I do it-
All the time
I lie to the world
I lie to myself
So well in fact
That I convince myself!
I convince myself that I am not sad-
But where does that get me?
I end up at anxiety
Because the sadness does not go away
The hurt does not go away
The truth does not go away
All I get in return is confusion.
I have avoided facing myself
I have avoided facing my sadness
Because at a time it overwhelmed me
And I was afraid
That it would be unbearable
That I would crumble
Be lost and incapacitated
But I shall not
It will hurt
I will ache
But in the end
I shall be okay
I am sad today
Because I realized
I was hurt
Because I lost something, someone dear to me
I lost a love
And I tried To run
And I tried to hide
And I did
For a good long while
Until I ended up where I had started
Only this time I was bewildered
I had lied so well
I hid so well
Even I could not find myself
But I did find
And I did see
And I am sad
And I do hurt
And I did love
And I did lose
And it did hurt
Then-
And it does hurt still
And do I want it back?
No-
But Do I still hurt
Yes
YES
I still hurt
Yes
I still hurt
And yes I am sad
And yes I have run
And I do hide
And I make mistakes
And I am foolish
And I did falter
And I did call him
Because I want him?
NO!
Because I cared once
Yes
Because I loved once
Yes
And how was it
Terrible-
He was cold
He was indifferent
And that hurt!
And I felt foolish
Because I knew
That was how it would be
And still I called
Why?
I wanted to know
I wanted to see
If he could
Still hurt me
And he can
And he does
And so I hurt
And so I am sad
Today-
I am sad today...
Why did I call?
-because if I did
I could hide
The fact that I hurt
I would distract myself from the truth
I am a junkie like that-
If I called I might find
An answer
A reason
A justification
For all my pain
But there is no hiding
There is no answer
There is no reason
No justification
It simlpy is
What it is-
And it is that I am sad
And it is that I hurt
Today.
That is my truth- unfiltered
And in the knowing I am accepting
In the accepting
I am growing
In the growing there is peace
And in the peace there is closure
But for now...
But for today...
I am sad-
And that is the truth
Unfiltered
Today
3 comments:
- Pablo Neruda (also recited by Madonna).
If You Forget Me
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
Shahnaz i am really not very good at expressing myself. But i have a theory, and it consoled someone, someone who was grieved and hurt.
I told her that when you love someone , beyond measure, beyond yourself, beyond the limits of what you thought you never had. And you love despite all the flaws, despite all misgivings you still love, Happily and knowing. Then -i believe- that at that stage He becomes a mirror for Yourself. You only see youself , your passion, your honesty and your love reflected and magnified in him, and you dont know it that its you !
Thats why heer says ' sayyo ni main nu ranjha aakho , Heer naa aakhoo'
This is ISHQ ! Isnt it !
manan,
i know and i agree wholeheartedly--
at that point it is us we see our own reflection that is why i stated about my painting "previosly titled lovesong and now renamed -my lovesong-"
that is ishq indeed.
and for the record
it is not him i mourn.
it is not that at all
i am recognizing my pain
i don't mourn him at all
i simply grieve
my hurt and my pain
he was wrong for me
he was not the one i was meant to be with
i was not made from his rib
so i don't regret
i just hurt
and acceptance is all that was stated in this post. acceptance that i hurt because i loved
in my life i am exactly where i need to be
and i am happy where i am
i have what i want
and he makes me happy
i simply became aware that i was hurting because of my past
my present is beautiful-
and i am content and at peace in it-
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